The Alternative of Haruhi Suzumiya
by Gojira Destructicus
Summary: After having a discussion on alternate worlds with Haruhi, Kyon finds himself flung back and forth between his world and the alternate! He must enlist the aid of his alternate selves and the SOS Brigade to return home.
1. Chapter 1

**The Alternative of Haruhi Suzumiya**

**Disclaimer: The Haruhi Suzumiya series is the creation of Nagaru Tanigawa. I simply only own my copy of the DVDs.**

**Chapter 1: I wish I wish I was a…**

Friday-perhaps one of the most blessed days there is. The school week ends, the weekend begins and you're freed from the shackles of the educational juggernaut for a fleeting, but lasting moment. Or at least that's how it'd be for me if Haruhi didn't go dragging us off to fulfil her crazy errands. But, at least I can deal with it better outside than within these dull, dull, dull…

"Kyon! Wake up!" yelled a voice behind me. My collar was grabbed and next thing I knew, a sharp pain went through my head as it collided with the rear desk. I was now staring up into the face of Haruhi Suzumiya. Guess I must've fallen asleep. Something…I was thinking of something and drifted off. Oh, right-the dull, monotone walls that could be found throughout the school. I righted myself as best I could, rubbing my head, half dazed from the sudden pain and the other half from drowsiness.

Fortunately, she woke me up after class. If it'd been during class, my humiliation would've been beyond words. "Honestly, Kyon," said Haruhi with a light scowl. "You need to keep yourself alert and awake! I won't have any brigade members falling unconscious on the job!" Yes, yes, whatever you say Haruhi.

The walk home was fairly uneventful. That is until Haruhi spoke up. "Hey, Kyon," she asked. "You ever wonder what things would be like if they were different?"

Different? "What brought this up all of a sudden?" I replied.

"Well, I saw this movie last night where this guy travelled back in time…" she explained. "And when he came back to the present, everything was different. All the things he did had changed the future!"

Trust Haruhi to go watching something involving time travel. I'm sure Asahina could tell her all about it…well, if she didn't have the impediment of classifying everything.

"So, that got me thinking: what if things ended up differently?" she continued. "What if the atom bombs were never dropped? What if we never landed on the moon? What if the dinosaurs never died out? The list goes on."

Actually, that did provide an interesting thought. I guess for all the hardships she puts me through, Haruhi does have her moments of brilliance. Hell, she can be a charming person sometimes…wait, what the hell am I thinking? Damn it, Kyon! Don't you remember what happens when you let your guard down? You get a harsh slap back to reality when you remember the hardships.

I was able to drag my thoughts out of this rut just in time to notice Haruhi was asking me a question. "What do you think things would be like if we never met?" she queried. Hmm, what would things be like? I suppose she'd never start the SOS Brigade, I'd have led a normal yet boring life and never met Nagato, Asahina and Koizumi and…oh right, she'd get bored, destroy the world and make a new one.

"…I couldn't possibly imagine a world like that!" I nervously answered. I don't want her to make that a reality. Isn't the sole reason I exist because she wants me to?

Haruhi seemed content enough with my response, though. Eventually, it came time to go our separate paths. "We're meeting up in the city, same place, same time, tomorrow," she said. "Don't be late!" And with that, she ran off.

* * *

I, meanwhile, eventually made my way home, had some dinner, did some homework and tried to rest up for tomorrow. I guess it is a good thing that I did meet Haruhi, because otherwise my life would be hideously boring without the sporadic moments of insanity.

As I lay in my bed, getting ready to drift off to sleep, it came to my attention there was a slight breeze…which was odd, as the window was closed. I opened my eyes and sat up…sitting right in front of me was a sparking point of air, where it seemed to swirl like a vortex. Oh hell. Can't I just transition to the weekend in a peaceful way? The vortex eventually began to expand as sparks and electrical bolts extended from the 'singularity'. I noticed the breeze becoming stronger. This didn't look good.

Thinking quickly, I reached for my phone, attempting to dial Nagato's number, but my phone wasn't getting a signal. I had a feeling the large black hole forming behind me had something to do with that. Finally, I tried to open the door, but it wouldn't budge. I yelled, but no one heard me. I suddenly realised that there were no noises coming from outside or anywhere else…only the whirling of the vortex and crackle of energy bolts coursing through it.

I knew I'd regret it, but decided to turn around. What I saw didn't really calm me down. The vortex was now glowing with a bright light from the singularity and the pull was getting stronger. It was literally sucking me in. I could tell, because my sheets had ceased moving-it was directing all it's force into sucking me in. I grabbed a hold of the door handle. My stomach dropped as my body registered the fact that it had been lifted off its feet and was now pointing feet first towards the vortex.

A point I'd like to make clear at this point is sweat. Sweat is good to cool you off when you're hot, but when you're in a panic, it's very counter productive. Remember; always wear gloves in a situation where you need to grab a hold of something tight. Why do I say this? Mainly because sweat was the number one cause of what made me lose my grip and fall into the vortex, screaming in terror.

* * *

I can't even begin to describe some of the things I saw inside of there. Mainly because they either defied description or slipped my memory for being too horrible to remember. All's I do know is that when I woke up, I was in my bed. What was that? Some kind of crazy arse dream? I really need to get a vacation…

I sat up and stretched…then froze when I became aware someone was in bed with me. Tilting my head ever so carefully, I saw none other than my own sleeping face. Needless to say, I gawked. Did Haruhi clone me or something in my sleep? What should I do-wake him up or get the hell out of here?

Looks like option one was already in action as I saw myself begin to stir and repeat the routine I did a moment ago. Even up to the freezing of noticing he wasn't alone. And the slow turn of the head…any moment now…

What I did not expect was his great yelp of surprise. He pointed a finger at me. "SHOCK AND HORROR!" he said in a loud, clear and overly dramatic voice. "I am not alone this morning! My humble bed has a visitor!" I blinked.

"What? Why are you talking like that?" I asked.

"Do my eyes deceive me?" he blurted. "Before my own face is just that: my face!" I sat there in disbelief at this man who looked and sounded like me…well, sounded if I ever decided to speak like someone out of an over-the-top manga.

"Doppelganger! Who are you?" he inquired.

"Uh…I think it's safe to say we are the same person…sorta…" I replied, meekly compared to his boisterous form of communication. "Look, could you keep it down? I'm pretty sure you have a sister like me, and we don't need to wake her up to find she has two brothers."

My twin nodded in agreement. "'Tis most bizarre, but I will heed my own warnings." He said…err, I said? How the hell am I supposed to tell?

"Now, listen up my handsome friend," he/I started. "Dear sweet, yet bitter, sister cannot learn that her brother is now brothers! Therefore, I recommend you find a safe place to hide yourself! When the time is right, I shall deliver you to Nagato! She will know how to aid us in our darkest hour."

Is this guy really me? He talks like a comic book character! "Uh…right…I'll just, uh…" I stuttered. "Wait, how am I going to hide again?"

My 'friend' gave a triumphant pose and reassured me. "Fear not, my dear self! I shall escort you to the bathroom so you may change into my garb!" he said, handing me a spare uniform. "Then, when you are ready, I shall create a distraction to keep dear sister occupied and allow you to make a hasty retreat! And don't worry about your empty stomach…I shall provide BREAKFAST!" I think he overdid the breakfast point, but it was a good deal still.

He/I opened the door and looked ahead. When we were satisfied all was clear, I snuck into the bathroom and began to change. Once fully dressed, I made my exit, while my clone went downstairs. "Good morning, dear sister! How are you this morn?" I heard.

"I do well, brother! Breakfast will be available in a mere 300 seconds!"

"300 seconds? Why that is but five minutes!"

"Well done, brother! You're arithmetic is top notch as always!"

I heard an uproar of boisterous laughter…and decided it would be a good idea to find a way back to my own world soon. After finding a hiding spot in the bushes outside the house, I waited patiently for my other self to bring me my share of breakfast. Damn it, Haruhi. What have you gotten me into this time?


	2. Chapter 2: Alienus Oratio

**Disclaimer: A friendly reminder that Haruhi Suzumiya was created by Nagaru Tanigawa and that I don't officially own the series.**

**Chapter 2: Alienus Oratio**

Walking up to school, I described the circumstances of my arrival to…me. "Most peculiar," uttered myself, rubbing his chin thoughtfully. "I do believe this is none other than the work of Haruhi Suzumiya!"

"No shit," I replied. "Now, would you mind explaining WHY I am going to school with you? I'm pretty sure people would notice the fact that there are two of us."

"Never fear, my…chum!" said my twin, apparently running out of witty banter. "We shall simply say you are my brother, who separated from us after a tragic divorce, but has finally decided to return and rejoin his sibling!"

I've got to hand it to him; he's got a way with words. And if the people are anything like him, they'll eat that explanation right up like good, gullible puppies.

As the school building came in sight, we began our trek up the unforgiving hill. Over the many times I've traversed this abominable slope, I have grown a deep dislike of this steep incline. Oh great, now I'm starting to talk like my other self. What could possibly make things worse?

"Good day, Kyon! It is I…TANIGUCHI!" announced the person in question. Just when I thought Taniguchi couldn't be more annoying, he opens up a whole new bag of freak on me. And it seems my other self holds the same view of him as I do. He's just a bit more vocal.

"Taniguchi! You raucous bastard!" exclaimed me. "Why must you always shatter the tranquillity of my trek up this heartless mound?" Looks like my other self is also more vocal on his opinions of people…but when it comes to Taniguchi, who can blame him?

Around this time, Taniguchi began to rub his eyes in disbelief. "Kyon! I must be seeing double! Which one is real and which one is an illusion?" he stuttered. The fool began to look back and forth at us. My counterpart simply smiled.

"Your eyes do not deceive you!" he stated. "There are two, but we are not the same person! This man…IS MY BROTHER!" I swear, the way he said it, you could've played dramatic fanfare and it wouldn't have seemed out of place. It's like he gets more over the top every second.

Taniguchi looked in awe, then puzzlement. "But why does he pick now to reveal himself to us?" rambled the fool. "Surely, if you were brothers, then the both of you would have been going to the same school!"

And here comes the killing blow. "As tragedy would have it, my brother and I were separated in our parent's divorce! But now, we are returned to one another!" proudly boasted my counterpart. He even put his hand on my shoulder as if to make sure I wouldn't go anywhere. Geez, the only thing missing is him embracing me, and crying 'Oh! Let us never be apart again, dear brother!'

Fortunately, he had better sense than that and Taniguchi, as irritatingly persistent as he was, bought it. "A peculiar yet gripping story!" he said. "I shall be sure to tell everyone about it!" Both me and I bore looks of protest as we watched the idiot run off ahead. But, knowing Taniguchi, that seems exactly like the kind of thing he would do.

* * *

Once inside the school, we quickly made our ways to the Literature Club room, ignoring the strange looks people gave as they saw two Kyons passing by. Upon opening the door, sure enough, there was Yuki Nagato, busy reading as she always did. At least that never changed.

"Good morning, docile Nagato!" greeted my counterpart. "I require your assistance as you can plainly see!" He gestured to me, like I was some kind of science project.

Yuki looked up, her head the only thing that really moved, and stared at me. That stare would break any normal man, but I'm used to it. Well, it was good to see she was still the same, cool and calculating-

"I can see thou's problem." She said. Wait, did she just say 'thou'? I take it back. She's definitely changed. This is not the Nagato I remember. Well, ok, maybe a little, but thou? You're not in a Shakespearean play, Nagato!

"What doth thou need me to do?" she asked.

"Dear Nagato, I need you to do two tasks: in the long-term, help my dear self return to the world from whence he came!" my counterpart boomed. "And in the short-term, apply him to the school rosters as my brother…TAKESHI!" So what, I'm Takeshi now? And aren't the people going to be suspicious of me suddenly making an appearance then disappearance? Of course, this is Nagato we're talking about, so she should be able to-

"I shall perform thy task without fail." She stated. Yep. Definitely capable…now all I have to worry about is Haruhi's reaction…is she any different in this universe?

* * *

"Kyon, you lazy oaf!" berated an overly dramatic Haruhi. "Where have you been? Members of the SOS Brigade must be punctual!"

"So sorry, but a miraculous event has occurred! For you see, this man…" my counterpart gestured to me. "…is my brother!"

Haruhi appeared to have just noticed me and I got treated to the rare sight of her dumbstruck. She looked back and forth between the both of us. "He is nearly a perfect replica!" she proclaimed. "Why hasn't he been venturing to this educational facility?"

"Tragedy! Calamity! We were separated when young during a great divorce!" he dramatised. I still looked in disbelief at the behaviour of these people. They'd be certifiably insane if they acted like this in my world.

Haruhi nodded thoughtfully. "And his name?" she asked.

"This is…Takeshi!" he announced, gesturing to me like some sort of proud creation of a brilliant inventor. "But I'm afraid we must make the most of my dear brother's time, for he is not here forever," continued my counterpart. "Eventually, he will have to return to whatever unloving corner of the world we were able to rip him from!"

"Oh, such a shame…he would've made such a welcome addition to the brigade. Alas, poor fate!" lamented Haruhi. Please hurry up, Nagato. I don't know how much more I can take.

* * *

I'd like to say the rest was uneventful, but everyone was quite surprised to see an exact clone of Kyon in the classroom. Even the teacher, who'd had the 'details' handled by Nagato, was a bit baffled by the predicament. Sitting in class, next to my counterpart, I was able to confirm my conclusion that everyone in this world was overly dramatic. Be it the teacher giving a gallant speech to us as though we were soldiers at war or the idle conversations of fellow classmates, everything was WAY too out of hand.

When lunch break finally came, I was half-relieved and half-concerned. The reasoning for both was because I would finally see how Asahina and Koizumi turned out.

Haruhi was kind enough to invite me to join my 'brother' in the SOS Brigade's somewhat official headquarters: the literature club room. Haruhi, naturally, slammed the door open and proclaimed her arrival. "Greetings, subordinates!" she bellowed.

"Ah! Suzumiya!" squeaked a surprised Asahina. "You make your return from class, with Kyon and…" She bore a look of confusion then shock. "Goodness! There are two Kyons! Most confusing!"

I officially hate this universe. It's taken all the charm away from Asahina. It may sound sort of right to hear that language from Haruhi, possibly Nagato and highly probably Koizumi, but Asahina is not cut out for the dramatic language.

I never really considered myself all that qualified either, but my 'brother' seemed to think so. "Behold! Returning from the edge of the Earth he was taken to be my brother! Great joy!" he beamed.

Ignoring the sheer idiocy of it all, I simply proceeded to 'introduce' myself. "My name is Takeshi, I'm Kyon's brother…" I began. "We kind of got separated when we were young, but I've recently been able to come by to see him. Although, I don't know how long my stay might be. Could be a couple of days…"

"Ah! How glorious it is to meet you!" said Koizumi, rising to shake my hand. "Koizumi Itsuki, at your service my friend!" Just when I thought he couldn't get on my nerves even more…

During this time, I noticed my 'brother' having a word with Nagato. Satisfied by her response, he approached Asahina, who nodded to whatever he said, and then approached me. "Now, my dear self," he spoke quietly to me. "While the lovely Asahina keeps Haruhi busy, I shall explain to you my plan."

"I'm pretty sure Nagato came up with the plan, am I right?" I asked, raising an eyebrow.

My 'brother' shuffled a bit, uncomfortably. "I cannot lie to myself it seems…you see right through my ploy," he sighed, defeated. "Yes, Nagato was the one who formulated this plan, and I am merely the messenger."

"You really shouldn't take credit for other people's work." I berated. It's kind of funny telling yourself off. I never would've thought of myself being so dishonest.

"Back to business," continued my 'brother'. "I shall distract Haruhi and remove her from the room with myself. During this time, you shall utilise the united aid of Nagato, Asahina and Koizumi to return yourself to the world from whence you came."

I gave an understanding nod. My 'brother' approached Haruhi, letting Asahina wrap things up. "Haruhi! If I may have a word with you in private…" He led her out of the room, and I got a glimpse of the amount of trust Haruhi has in me. If it were anyone else, she'd have asked why, but with me, she's willing to hear my case, however brief. Of course, this could just be how things are in this world.

After they left, I turned to my fellow members. They looked back at me. "So…" I stammered. "What's the course of action then?"

"Well, let's analyse the predicament you've found yourself in," said Koizumi, more irritating than ever before. "Do you have any inkling as to how you might have traversed dimensions?"

"Well, Haruhi and I were walking home from school, and we began to talk about the possibilities of alternate world," I explained. "Next thing I knew, when I was going to bed, a portal opened up and sucked me into this world."

"I see," stated Nagato, blandly. She turned to Asahina who seemed to jump a bit. I guess no matter where you go, Asahina will always be intimidated by Nagato. "I need thy TPDD."

"W-well, Nagato…" stuttered Asahina. "I am afraid I cannot give the TPDD to anyone…for classified reasons, to protect the security and stability of the far future!"

"I shall return it to thee," said Nagato. "Doth thou not want to help Kyon back to his world?"

Asahina didn't have an argument for that. "Please avert your eyes," she said to me. Nodding, I turned around and closed my eyes. Is this going to take much longer?

"Koizumi, I need thy aid." said Nagato.

"Splendid! I shall be happy to offer my services!" chirped Koizumi. Just resist the urge to wring his neck…

It was a bit hard to follow some of the terminology they were going over, especially in their manner of speaking, but I think their conversation went a little something like this.

"Thou's ability to access closed space combined with the space-time transversal techniques of the TPDD should generate a portal to another world."

"Most intriguing, dear Nagato, but how will I accomplish this?"

"Simply concentrate thy energy into the TPDD and I shall handle the rest."

A few seconds later, some familiar sounds began to enter my ears; primarily the crackle of energy in mid-air, the swirl of air currents and the ominous buzz of electrical bolts. Upon turning around, a swirling vortex, highly similar to the one that brought me here, stood.

"Are you sure this leads to my own world?" I asked.

"Yes. I have co-ordinated yon vortex to the specific frequencies and properties of thou's world." Nagato replied.

Before I entered, I had a final question. "What if Haruhi asks questions about where I've gone?"

"Fear not my friend! The agency will handle all your troubles!" answered Koizumi. I decided to enter the portal before I wound up killing Koizumi. It was as simple as jumping into it. Then, the whole slideshow of interdimensional horror began again.


	3. Chapter 3: Baffling Questions

**And now, a note from the author: ****I know how cliched this is going to sound, but wow, this story's gotten more popularity than I anticipated, especially since it's only just started. Well, thanks to ye all for your kind reviews, and remember, if you find something wrong, I hate you. Nah, just kidding, but seriously, if you find something wrong, make a note of it, tell me how I could fix it so I don't screw up next time. Oh, and big thanks to mah friend, agent-to-the-rescue, for suggesting Chapter 2's title. Now sit back and enjoy the lengthy, detailed explanations. Come on, this is the Haruhi series, you knew this was coming.**

**Disclaimer: In case you didn't catch it the first time round, Haruhi Suzumiya is the creation of Nagaru Tanigawa. That is not my name, so it ain't my creation. Just this story.**

**Chapter 3: Baffling Questions and Uninterpretable Answers**

As you may recall, my first trip through the vortex was harrowing. You may remember my inability to describe what I saw. That's because, the first time round, it was like the ending of 2001: A Space Odyssey. The second time, though, I was able to discern things better. But only a little bit-a lot of it was too much for my brain to process. The various images were glimpses into other universes, though they were fairly ambiguous to say the least. All I saw from them was a space shuttle lifting off, a group of ominous looking soldiers marching and, I shit you not, a giant robotic exoskeleton prototype being tested.

Naturally, I was relieved when the familiar sensation of my sister forcefully waking me gradually became stronger until, as though the vortex were nothing but a dream, I woke up. Looking down at my body, I saw my sister had yanked the covers off of me and was shoving my side repeatedly to wake me up. "You can stop now," I grumbled. "I'm awake."

"Rise and shine, Kyon!" beamed my sister. "You don't want to miss out on the day, do you?"

Ah, that's right. It's Saturday. "Why are you waking me up on a weekend? Couldn't I use this time to get some well deserved rest?"

My sister simply shook her head. "Haruhi-chan gave me specific instructions to make sure you're up and ready in time for today!" she replied. Oh yeah. I also remembered…Haruhi also planned to drag my arse out on this particular day. Ah well, at least the others will be there…and give me a chance to ask them about what the hell happened last night.

"You're late! Penalty!" scolded Haruhi. By now, I was used to it.

"Yeah, so sorry," I said, half-heartedly. "I had a nasty dream last night, so pardon me if I'm not exactly 100% rested."

Haruhi simply huffed and we went through the usual team selection routine, drawing straws, all included with the annual make the latecomer (which is always me) pay for everyone's lunch. It wasn't all bad, though: I ended up paired with Asahina-san. After enduring Haruhi's obligatory speech that 'this is not a date', we set off on another pointless quest throughout the city. In reality, I wanted to know if she was aware of what happened to me last night…and how.

Once we'd proceeded a decent distance from our starting point, I was prepared to ask Asahina about the issue when she took the initiative instead.

"Kyon…did anything happen last night?" she asked.

"As a matter of fact, yes…a lot happened last night." I answered, rather unsubtly. I wasn't going to beat around the bush. "So I take it you-or at least your superiors-noticed something out of the ordinary happened?" Well, by out of the ordinary, I mean a certain kind. The amount of crap that happens when Haruhi is involved is phenomenal.

Mikuru nodded as a yes. "You were gone for about 7 hours in the night. At least so Nagato tells me…" She seemed to be taking my disappearance better than when Haruhi brought herself and I into closed space. 7 hours…that's a long time. Looks like Asahina is finally getting used to this and is hardening up.

"I was very worried about you," she added sincerely. And, just like that, my theories are smashed into falsehood.

"But do you actually know how it happened? I have a feeling Haruhi is involved…" I inquired.

"Koizumi and Nagato-san know more about it than me, but they did have strong conclusions that Suzumiya-san was responsible," she replied. "My superiors' main interest in this, however, is what you saw on the other side. Please, sit down." She gestured to a park bench-the very same one where I discovered she was a time traveller.

"Kyon, I'd like to ask you a couple of questions about what happened," stated Asahina. It's odd for her to be so serious, but I guess there's still a lot I don't know since she's from the future.

"Now Kyon, I need to ask you a few questions regarding what happened. Is that alright?" she asked. I nodded my approval. "Good. First of all…"

I answered every question she gave me. I told her about the conversation I had with Haruhi the other day, the vortex that opened up in my room, what I saw (if anything discernible) inside the vortex and the world on the other side. Asahina had brought a notepad to write down the various details. Once the questioning was over, it was my turn to ask.

"Do you know if it will happen again? Can we get Haruhi to stop it? What else might I encounter in future?" I fired off, in rapid succession. Asahina gave a sigh.

"I don't know. Nagato-san and Koizumi will know more than me. And anything I do know is…well, you know." Asahina said, giving a slight smile. She checked the time and her eyes widened. "Ah! We should be getting back now! Suzumiya-san won't be happy if we're late!"

Fortunately, luck was on our side, as we actually returned just as 'Team 2' was. Rather than scold us for not finding anything, Haruhi instead decided to try again and we were split up again. As if to irk me, fate paired me up with Koizumi this time. But, as irritating as he may be, Koizumi should have valuable insight into the whole predicament.

Rather than sit down, we walked. This time, I was the first to speak up. "You know, I'm surprised Haruhi didn't go ballistic on us for turning up with no results." I said.

"That would be my doing," added Koizumi. "I noticed she was getting rather irritated and, in order to save me and my comrades a stressful day, I explained to her that places with security like military complexes have patrols who keep an eye out for anything out of the ordinary. I simply applied the same logic to our 'patrols'. She seemed reasonably satisfied with my response, as it has probably made her think that as long as we keep patrolling, one day, we'll spot something."

"That should be comforting, but it doesn't really ease me," I replied. My hopes rose at the hope that Haruhi would finally stop these stupid searches, but like so many good things, they were crushed. "Anyways, I take it you and Nagato already know about what happened last night?"

"Yes, such a concentrated surge of Suzumiya-san's power could not go unnoticed by us." Koizumi answered. "Here are the facts: at 12:30 pm last night, a large energy surge was detected in your bedroom. Shortly after, you vanished. After 7 hours, you returned in bed, only waking up when the morning finally arrived." He stopped and turned to me. "Nagato-san and I have formulated theories as to why this happened, but perhaps you can provide better insight."

And so, I found myself once again explaining my view of the circumstances. Fortunately for me, Koizumi, as I'd expected, was able to understand this just fine and give me one of his elaborate explanations.

"Well, it's fairly obvious why this happened, isn't it?" he said, with that bloody grin on his face. "Obviously, your conversation with Suzumiya-san triggered her to subconsciously send you to other worlds. Now, I know what you're thinking: why you? Because Suzumiya-san trusts you more than anyone else, contrary to what you might believe. If you imagine yourself as a character in a novel, you are, to her, the main character-"

"I'm going to cut you off there. I'm not going to be told that my entire life is a few page turns away from the future." I interrupted. He lost me after he said to imagine myself as a novel character. "I don't give a damn WHY it's me anyway, I've been around Haruhi long enough to know that she'll always find someway to give my life an unsuspecting turn. Just tell me why I ended up in that particular world, and how we stop it."

Koizumi gave a light chuckle. What's so amusing, you bastard? Care to share it with us?

"It seems which world you end up in is determined by what's on Suzumiya-san's mind. Judging by the description you gave me, it must've been something overly dramatic," he continued. "In order to stop her from sending you on anymore interdimensional endeavours, you must simply convince her that things are probably better off the way they are now."

Like usual, easier said than done-but at least I can influence the nature of where I'll wind up next. That is IF I plan ahead. And the likelihood of that isn't terribly high.

Whatever Koizumi said to Haruhi, it must've really had an impact, as when we met up again to report yet another failed search, she wasn't fazed at all. Instead, she split us into teams again. As I had predicted and anticipated, I was with Nagato.

While we did our 'patrol', I began to question Nagato on the incident. "I'm assuming you already know about what happened last night?" I asked. She gave a light nod. "I take it everyone's correct in thinking this is Haruhi's doing?" I got another nod. "Anyway you think you can help me?"

"Yes," she replied. "The next time you're transferred to another universe, I'll try to find a means of contacting you on the other side. This could be through the variant of me that exists there or other methods. I've also recommended Itsuki Koizumi's agency keep an eye on Haruhi Suzumiya's activities in order to ascertain where you'll be sent, and for Mikuru Asahina's superiors to monitor for any dimensional disturbance. That should give us both adequate forewarning."

I felt relieved already. They may not look it, but the members of the SOS Brigade are certainly dependable. Hopefully next time Haruhi sends me on an unexpected trip, I'll be better prepared for what's in store.

When the search concluded, Haruhi dismissed us for the day, but said she had plans in store for us tomorrow as well. With today's work (if it can be called such) out of the way, I rode my bike home for some well deserved rest. All I wanted to do was lie down, maybe read a book and relax after walking around the city for half the day. But first, I had business to take care of.

What sort of business, you may ask? None of yours, that's what. I went into the bathroom to use the toilet. Now, I'm fairly sure we have a mutual understanding you don't want to know the details of what happened on the toilet and I don't want to tell you about it. That being said, it was an uneventful pee. Ok, that's all I'm giving.

Unfortunately, no sooner had I gotten my pants back on than I noticed the toilet paper flapping lightly as though in a breeze. Fortunately, my phone was still on me, and this time, a call came through.

I brought it out of my pocket and answered. "Hello?"

"Ah, Kyon, it's Koizumi here. Asahina's group has detected a disturbance in your home area, can you confirm?"

"You want me to take a picture and send it?" I asked sarchastically as I gazed into the newly opened vortex behind me. "I'm looking at the damn thing right now."

"Then in that case, I'll fill you in on what the agency has gathered. Suzumiya-san's been watching a lot of magical girl anime lately-"

"Oh, god no!" I blurted. "Just kill me now; I am not going to-Koizumi? Koizumi?" My phone was answering me with a dial tone. Ah, shit. I'm going to have to go through with this, aren't I? I decided to check the door, in case I could escape. Nope-locked by some unknown force like last time. Well, I'd better get this over with then. Just as the vortex began to suck me in, I leapt right into it.


	4. Chapter 4: Sailor Moron

**And now, a message from the author: Dear fans! Thank you all for your kind words. But remember, if you do find something you thought that could be improved, don't hesitate to let me know. I strive to create the best I can. That being said, I'd like to apologise in advance for this chapter, which I'm still unsure of, but decided to field to the masses anyway. I'm a bit worried it might be overly explanative, but this is Haruhi we're talking about. Long, tedious explanations are a part of the series. That being said, sit back, relax and enjoy the sheer absurdity of it all. Oh, and remember, tell me if there's something that could use tinkering: I ain't fielding busted goods.**

**Disclaimer: For the fourth time, the author would like to remind everyone that Nagaru Tanigawa created Haruhi Suzumiya. Logically, this means that I did not create the series, otherwise you'd probably be reading this in a light novel right now.**

**Chapter 4: Sailor Moron**

You know, I'm actually getting used to this whole 'trans-dimensional travel' business. It's like an LSD induced tunnel of hallucinations. I was able to make out more universes this time round; some sort of shadowy beast looming in the darkness, a mushroom cloud from an immense explosion, even floating brains. These were all interesting and fascinating worlds-which I never wanted to see first hand. I'm fine just seeing them through this dimensional gateway, but in person, on the field, I don't think so.

Eventually I emerged, sitting on the toilet, thankfully with my pants up. Taking a look around, I noticed someone was in the shower. Behind the curtains I could make out a male figure. Once again, I've caught myself in an uncomfortable situation. I decided on the courteous form of action and waited until he was finished with the shower.

He, however, didn't have the courtesy of acknowledging himself sitting on the loo as he began to waltz over to a towel and dry himself off. Ok, I'll go to plan B. Fortunately, he was in front of a mirror, and as he finished drying his face off, he looked up to see two faces looking back at him. A confused look crossed his features and I couldn't help but smirk at the sheer silliness of it all. Eventually he turned around and nearly had a heart attack before I held my hands up in front of me to calm myself down.

"I know this is very unusual," I spoke, quietly. "But to cut a long story short, I'm from another dimension. And it's Haruhi's fault."

My counterpart looked more calmed and reassured at the mention of Haruhi, making it safe to say she's the same, crazy overlord she usually is.

"Leave it to Haruhi," said my counterpart. Ah, good, he doesn't talk any different than me. And he has the same, tortured attitude I do when it comes to Haruhi. Two points for him. "Got an idea on how to send your self back?"

"Sort of," I answered. "I've been set across dimensions only once before, but to get out of it, we'll need Nagato, Koizumi and Asahina. All we need is for Nagato to take Asahina's TPDD and have Koizumi channel his energy into it."

It became painfully obvious my counterpart noticed a small flaw in the plan. "How the hell is Koizumi going to help us?" he asked, sceptically.

I looked just as confused as he did. "You mean he isn't an ESP user in this universe?" I solemnly questioned. My counterpart nodded.

"The only ones who have any magical abilities like that are girls. That's why men pursued science and technology more actively as they didn't have the same 'gifts'," he said. "I have a feeling there are some significant differences here, how about you tell me about where you're from first?"

After I'd finished telling him about how I went about my day with an alien, time traveller, psychic and potential god everyday (after he got dressed), it was his turn to tell ME about THIS world. Fortunately, his sister was also a magical girl, though at her age she was at the level of 'sidekick' and currently serving with Tsuruya. I promptly told him to hurry up with his explanation so that we could get me out of this dimension as quickly as possible.

"This world, other than the magical girl principle, is otherwise no different, with a few exceptions," started my twin. "First of all, Haruhi is aware of her MAGICAL girl powers, but she is not aware that, as the others tell, hers are far exceeding that of a normal magical girl. Nagato is still alien, but it's not as 'hush-hush' here, as people will pretty much buy anything considering there are magical girls flying around."

"…they fly?" I uttered in disbelief. "Please tell me you're making that up."

"I wish I was," said my counterpart, face palming before he continued. "Nagato doesn't even have to hide her talents because pretty much anyone, even magical girls, views them as her 'powers'."

"What about Asahina? Is there a redeeming factor there?" I asked. It's safe to assume me and my twin had the same train of thought on Asahina, being the charming, beautiful flower in the desolate field that is our lives.

"Sort of…it's not quite as charmed as what you have in mind," he answered, much to my disappointment. "She comes from the future, but unlike Nagato, that's something she doesn't tell people. However, Haruhi did get the idea to make her into a 'battle waitress' or something. She even got Asahina to call her eye rays the 'Mikuru Beam'."

I couldn't believe it. The attributes we gave Asahina for our culture fest film actually manifested here. I can only imagine her theme song was none other than the very same one we used for the movie.

Finally, I got up the guts to ask about Koizumi…and myself. "What about Koizumi? What about you? How do you two fit into this?"

"Like I said, men are made normal…that's why we put our trust into science and technology. Koizumi isn't part of some super secret agency like you describe, but we are in a somewhat similar group…" My twin gave a sinister grin before moving on. "Because we get attacked either by 'mystical beings', aliens or dark organisations half the time, me and Koizumi are studying up to become engineers to make tech better served for protecting mankind who, unlike womankind, can't fend off the forces of destruction with magical powers. And yes, I'm aware of how stupid this all sounds: Koizumi and I are pretty much the only 'sane' ones."

I was dumbstruck. This world was so ridiculous, even this version of me realised it. I had to get out of here. And fast.

"Come on," said my counterpart. "We better go find the others."

"Wait! Won't they find it odd if there are two of us?" I asked.

My clone gave me a stare that said 'are you stupid?' "Unlike your world, I think 'this man is me from another dimension' will pass here," he bluntly stated. "Here, take this." He threw me something heavy and made of metal. After a second, I registered I was holding a gun. And looking at my counterpart, so was he.

I was going to ask something, but my mouth stammered at the amount of questions. My twin noticed, so he spoke up first. "You honestly don't think rational men like Koizumi and I are going to just cower before whatever arsehole decides to cause trouble? We're not going to just let the magical girls handle everything; we still have our pride you know."

"Ok, but that still doesn't answer where you got these things and why you're allowed to keep them…" I inquired, examining the etched words on the butt of my weapon which read 'AUG'.

"Well, in this world, where we're primarily dependant on the timely arrival of magical girls or military forces, men are allowed to possess a limited number of firearms for self defence. Of course, you need to pass a set of tests to make sure you don't go using them for nefarious purposes. Me and Koizumi are part of what you could call 'neighbourhood watch'. As for your gun, the AUG assault rifle, I got that imported from Australia. A little privilege of being part of the 'watch'."

Oh great. I've got magical girls on one side and vigilantes/resistance fighters/Viet-cong on the other side. I'm either surrounded by stupidity or scared shitless. "Please, just get me out of here."

"Only if you take me with you…" sighed my comrade.

I was a little worried about the reactions people would have if they saw two men patrolling the streets with guns, let alone a set of twins. But, this must be Somalia, Afghanistan or some other war-torn country because people didn't even flinch. They gave the odd look that there was two of us, but otherwise no reaction.

"So…how do we find them again?" I asked. Being magical girls, won't they have all sorts of business to take care of?

"Trust me; it's not hard to miss…" he said, pointing to the distant flashes of colourful light in the distance. "If they're engaged, they advertise it pretty obviously. Otherwise, all's you got to do is call them." He opened up his phone and dialled a number. "Hello, Koizumi? I've got a small dilemma on my hands. Meet me at the usual spot. See if you can get Nagato and Asahina too…alright, thanks. Bye."

The usual spot turned out to be the courtyard Haruhi dragged us to in my world. I was beginning to notice very stark contrasts in this world. Some places were all peaceful and cheery, like from a slice-of-life anime. Other places, though, looked fortified, battered and messy, like a warzone. This is a magical girl world, right? All sunshine and rainbows and all that shit?

"Hello my friend," said a familiar voice. We turned to find Koizumi (who was also armed) strolling towards us. He stopped dead in his tracks to briefly gawk at me before asking my counterpart. "Is this the dilemma you spoke of?"

"Yeah," replied my other self. "Haruhi went and sent him through a portal to this world. It's happened at least once before for him."

"I see," acknowledged Koizumi. He turned to me. "Well, welcome to our world. It's not exactly paradise, but it isn't hell either."

"So I see…" I said, eyeing the differences in scenery, watching perfectly civil-looking people passing men with bandoliers strapped across their chests and driving around in jeeps. "What's the deal with this, anyway? At first I thought this was just one of those clichéd magical girl worlds, but then I'm carrying a gun and noticing the contrast."

"Ah…I see you haven't been told about the other side of the coin?" spoke Koizumi. "This world is torn between that of magical girls being the shining heroines to keep the world bright and that of men taking the stand with strength, will and guns…lots of guns." That last line offset me a bit, as Koizumi got a crazy look in his eye. "The problem is this is why we get attacked. Some men are envious that women are able to garner so much power, forming the dark organisations, while certain magical girls see our militia efforts as stirring up more conflict within the ranks, leading to 'evil' mistresses. Other times it's just aliens or guys in criminally skin tight jumpsuits."

"Are they flamboyantly flashy coloured?" I asked.

"Like Mardi Gras rejects," replied my counterpart. Now I'd definitely like to go home now. On one side, I've got every man's nightmare of super powered women and on the other I've got every man's nightmare of lunatics with guns. I wish Nagato and Asahina would hurry up.

As if on cue, my eyes were drawn skyward as streaks of light curved downward from the sky towards us. The leading one was yellow, with the others red and blue respectively. When they made landing, as I suspected, it was Haruhi, Nagato and Asahina. And what did I do? I gawked at their outfits. Haruhi wore that same black bunny suit she has lying around. Asahina was, as I suspected, in the 'battle waitress' outfit from our movie. And Nagato…just had that witch hat and cape. Ok, I'm going to turn away now.

"Greetings, Kyon and Koizumi! What seems to be the trouble?" asked an overly enthusiastic Haruhi. Seriously, I've probably never heard her this enthusiastic in my life. Of course, she would have to notice me, which would defeat any reason for explanation. "Two Kyons! One of them must be an impostor!"

"Actually," corrected Koizumi. "One of them is the one you all knew before. The other is from another dimension, and needs help being sent back to his world." Both of me nodded thanks to Koizumi for tackling that one. Haruhi was satisfied with the response, and turned to Nagato.

"Yuki! Can you find a way to get our guest back to his home?" Haruhi asked Nagato. Nagato briefly looked up and gave a nod.

"Yes," replied Nagato, in her usual monotone. "I should be able to return this Kyon to his original universe…after we're finished with the large alien creature being sent our way." Wait, what? What was that last bit?

"Look! Here it comes!" squeaked Asahina. She pointed to a large object entering the Earth's atmosphere. I can never have a simple exit point, can I? No, I've got to go through whatever twisted scheme Haruhi has in her head. I need a vacation…I hope the next universe I get sent to is a tropical island.

I felt a hand tug my shoulder and turned to see my other self gesturing to a fortified position. "Come on!" he yelled, tugging me along. "Take cover unless you want to be crushed by falling alien!" We leapt into a trench with Koizumi and crouched down.

The large flaming alien slammed into the plaza as the girls all scattered in colourful directions. We men poked our heads up and watched as the alien twitched its limbs and unfolded from the foetal position it had taken to enter the atmosphere…


	5. Chapter 5: Teddynaut

**And now, a word from the author: ****DEEP apologies, everybody. I would have gotten this chapter up sooner, but my computer got a virus and put me out of comission for a week. But fear not! All is fixed now. This chapter is a bit more action orientated than humour based, but I did label the story as humour/adventure. So...DEAL WITH IT! Besides, at least it's a change from all the lengthy and detailed explanations.**

**Chapter 5: Teddynaut**

Cautiously, we watched the large, smouldering mass rise from its parking spot. I looked at my comrades sitting in the trench with me. Where as I was scared shitless, they had a grim determination in their eyes, staring indifferently at the scene before them. Their fingers were wrapped around their firearms with deadly intent, and their gaze betrayed the lack of confidence they held in magical girls. For what reasons, I can only guess.

Shifting my vision to the MGs, the contrast was astounding. While we sat here in the dirt, detached of any emotion and ready to kill without a thought, they stood confidently and proudly, daring the enemy to give them their best shot. Even with their backs to us, I could tell Haruhi was grinning. For either side, this seemed to be a common occurrence, though they handled it differently.

"This is the worst part," uttered my counterpart, not taking his eyes away from the slowly rising beast. "They can stand out there without having to worry about anything, while we have to cower in a puddle of our own piss." I could sense a bit of resentment in his voice. But now was neither the time nor place to interrogate him.

"Don't worry, as long as you're with us, you'll be fine," said Koizumi, giving me the familiar, shit-eating grin I know him for. "And the girls will keep us safe…hopefully…" His face dropped a bit after that and he began to return to a state of grim determination.

Looking forward, the enemy was now towering over us, as high as a two-storey building. Although, the menace factor is kind of taken away when you realise that the big, alien monstrosity is a freakin' teddy bear. No, seriously, our enemy is a giant teddy bear. He isn't even organic looking-his skin looks like it's been stitched together from fabric, his eyes look like beads and his arms and legs don't appear to have any elbow or knee joints and end in stubs.

Actually, I'm lying on the last bit. The fear factor creeps back when you get a glimpse of the large, black claws extending out of his hands, not to mention the short, thick ones on his feet, like dinosaur toes. His face is what you could call laughable, as it has two eyebrows, mostly used to give off an angry expression and a mouth of triangular sharp teeth curved downward at the edges. You may find it funny in a picture, but watching it move is sickeningly scary. His face scrunches up when he frowns and his teeth are terrifyingly real.

Our felt foe let out a bellowing roar, giving me a look at his massive jaws, with a huge bite radius. Immediately, a multi-coloured flurry erupted as the girls went to engage their foe. I turned to the other two, who were attempting to line up shots, without colourful streaks getting in their way.

"How do we take it out?" I asked.

"Aim for the eyes!" yelled my counterpart. "After they fall out, you can deliver a killing shot through the socket! The downside is he gets mighty pissed when he's blind and can cause more damage when he's in a berserk rage!"

That's real reassuring…but, I guess in a situation like this you can't just tremble in fear. You've got to stay alive, and if that means killing a two-storey, monstrous teddy bear, then so be it. I got in a comfortable position with my weapon-an 'AUG' I think my counterpart, called it-lined up the behemoth in the scope's crosshairs and pulled the trigger…

* * *

I was ill prepared for the recoil of my weapon, and my shots went a bit wild as I stumbled backward. I ducked back into cover and looked at the two men beside me. Observing their method of fire, they fired in short controlled bursts, unlike me who just squeezed the trigger and let the bullets rip. When I observed the scene, I saw several bright flashes of light engulf the beast. One of the coloured streaks even took the time to land in front of me.

An annoyed Haruhi stood before me. "Oi, watch where you fire that thing!" she scolded. "Honestly, just let us do the work and try to keep out of trouble!" She took off to rejoin the battle. I noticed a low growl from my counterpart and was shocked to see Koizumi spit at the ground. That must've hit a nerve with them.

A loud roar returned me to reality and I set up to shoot again-this time, properly. A short burst of fire left my AUG, but it struck the teddy's arm and didn't seem to do much. I noticed Haruhi fire a rainbow coloured beam by clapping her hands in front of her. It strafed the teddy's ear but he managed to avoid most of it. Unfortunately for us trench dwellers, it took down a building near our position, creating a debris cloud.

"Dammit Haruhi!" yelled my counterpart. "Are you trying to kill us?"

"Damn…can't get a clear shot," cursed Koizumi. It surprised me to hear him talk like that, but I guess this is another world. One I would very much like to leave, RIGHT NOW.

Fortune did not smile on us; the teddy stumbled out of the dusty cloud and looked directly at us. To my horror, I saw its toothy maw twist into a sadistic grin. Next thing I knew, my counterpart had grabbed me by the collar and was pulling me to a new place, while Koizumi fired some shots behind him as he followed. Seconds later, the trench exploded into flame as a stream of fire erupted from the teddy's open maw. When it was finished, it appeared to be looking for our charred remains, which were oddly lacking. Then, to my further horror, it spotted us retreating to a new position and it's face contorted into an ugly frown of rage.

Giving off an angry roar, the teddy was thwarted in its attempt to further end us when several sharp objects impaled in the back of its head. It began to pick one out and examine it then turned to the source: Nagato. The monster threw it back at her, but she simply edged out of the way. It was almost comical. I then watched Haruhi land on his head and pummel it. The beast shook her off, but that was a diversion. Asahina was now standing right before it, and brought a hand to her right eye, which had turned blue.

Opening two fingers around the eye, she caught the beast squarely in her sights. "Mi-mi-Mikuru Beam!" she squeaked as an invisible lance pierced through the teddy's right eye. It howled in pain, or so I assumed, as it clutched at its scorched optic.

Koizumi, however, didn't seem to think all was right. "Something's wrong," he grumbled. "The last teddy bear monster we fought 'bled' stuffing. This one hasn't leaked so much as a cotton ball."

Our large foe recovered quickly-a bit too quickly-and ran up and grabbed Asahina in its paw. Looking carefully, I saw a glowing red eye where the black bead had been. Oh, no. Don't tell me…that's just corny beyond belief.

Haruhi and Nagato were quick to free Asahina with a flurry of attacks but it remained virtually unfazed. "This teddy ain't normal," shouted Haruhi. "It's way too strong! Yuki, what is this thing?"

Everyone's attention was diverted when fire erupted on the teddy's felt skin. It roared in outrage before another hit it square in the chest. This time, I was able to spot Koizumi throwing a flaming bottle-a Molotov cocktail. He tossed one to my counterpart before lighting a rag with a cigarette lighter. My counterpart produced one as well and mimicked the action. Two more fiery eruptions engulfed the beast.

It fell to the ground on its knees as the skin burned. But, like a phoenix, it rose yet again. And this time, the fire was beginning to die down. Our stuffed friend wasn't full of cotton after all. He was full of metal-cold, shiny metal. Its red eyes acquired targets. As it opened its mouth I could see the flamethrower mounted within. We were never fighting a giant teddy monster. We were fighting a giant teddy ROBOT.

Damn, I hate it when I'm right…

* * *

Running away from a killer teddy robot isn't easy when said machine is relentlessly pursuing and trying to swat away magical girls pestering it. As we ran the streets, to find an armoury with anti-tank weaponry (I don't want to know how they got that stuff), the mechanical behemoth pursued us, crashing through buildings and stumbling into the pavement every now and then when one of the girls landed a lucky hit.

Several occasions, the girl's attacks were too close for comfort and nearly brought the mecha-lunatic crashing down on top of us. "Damn it! This is what I hate," growled my counterpart. "We're equally likely to get killed by our enemies OR our allies! What a bloody rip!"

The run didn't become anymore easy when we discovered 'The Teddynator' was equipped with missiles. It became increasingly hard to dodge the bastards and the MGs efforts were terrifying; they either blew up the missiles before they impacted, sending flying debris our way or redirected them at the last minute, forcing us to duck from the exhaust.

I was briefly distracted by a flash behind me, the sound of electricity and three cries of pain. Turning around, I saw the girls fall from the sky, smoking. Then, to my surprise and terror, the teddy machine ignored its downed quarry and continued pursuing. What the hell does he want with us?

"Don't worry!" yelled Koizumi. "We're not far! The weapons cache is about 3 blocks ahe-" He was cut off when the teddybot landed right in front of us. How'd he manage to do that? My question was answered when I saw the jets die down from rocket boosters extended from his back.

"Hey!" shouted my counterpart. "Give me a hand here!" I was about to ask with what when I saw that Koizumi was unconscious and hurt. He was ahead of us when the teddy landed, so the force of impact must have knocked him back. I ran quickly over and picked up one arm and heaved it over my shoulder while my counterpart did the same.

This left us an ample target for the mechanical monstrosity, who turned his red gaze to the shambling trio of humans, close enough that he could take us out in one shot. Fortunately for us, he got hit in the head by an invisible beam. That had to have been Asahina. I could faintly hear her uttering her attack. A yellow bolt rammed into the chest cavity of the machine and streaked away as hundreds of sharp metal projectiles pummelled his armoured hide. Not that it seemed to have a lot of effect.

"Let's go, let's go!" urged my counterpart. We scuttled away with Koizumi while the girls kept the teddy occupied.

"Alright, lay him down carefully…that's it." My counterpart instructed me on how to put down Koizumi without worsening his condition. "Alright, I'll go get a first aid kit, you start busting out the anti-armour gear."

We'd finally evaded the monstrosity who was currently occupied with the MGs. After carrying Koizumi for three more blocks, we reached the weapons cache, which was located within a bunker-which also rendered it an ideal place to hide. All around were guns upon guns.

"I thought you said you guys were only allowed to possess a limited number of firearms…?" I asked. Examining some of the weapons closely, while most were modern era firearms, there were some that looked like they served in the Vietnam War and even a few from World War II.

"Like I said, that's the privilege of our 'neighbourhood watch'," replied my twin, tending to Koizumi. "To be truthful, Koizumi was the one who got me into it. He approached me one day and told me about how he and his 'friends' were looking to make an elite defense force against these invasions. Haruhi doesn't know it, but I've actually seen action outside of Japan."

"So let me get this straight…you're part of a Special Forces unit basically, right?" I asked, while examining an old bolt-action rifle.

"Correct," he answered. "We pose as your basic militia, but we're actually much more organised than that." He turned to look at me. "Shouldn't you be looking for anti-armour weapons?"

"Oh right, sorry," I apologised. "Those are…rocket launchers and the like, right?"


	6. Chapter 6: Asta la Vista Teddy

**And now, a briefing from the author: ****Ladies and gentlemen (and miscellaneous), I finally worked up enough will power to get this chapter done. Hopefully the last part won't seem too rushed, but I was kind of hoping to wrap this portion of the story up so Kyon can get back to his world and rip Koizumi a new one for misinformation. If the weapons listed at the beginning confuse your brain, just remember they're all designed as anti-tank weapons and function more or less as rocket launchers.**

**Chapter 6: Asta la Vista Teddy**

My knowledge on military firearms has expanded greatly as a result of my travels. With this world was my first foray into the world of weapons. Thanks to the guidance of my counterpart and wall mounted posters detailing various weapons, I was able to pick out the devices he asked for. Among them was the venerable Russian RPG-7, a rocket-propelled grenade launcher that was cheap and efficient; the famed Bazooka that had been in use by the US during the Second World War, Korean and Vietnam Wars; and the Carl Gustav Recoilless Rifle, which looked nothing like a conventional gun and looked and functioned more or less like a rocket launcher.

During this collection, however, I remembered a seemingly deep-seated resentment in my counterpart, and (surprisingly) a little bit in Koizumi. So, as I loaded another of the olive green RPGs used in the RPG-7 into an ammo bag, I asked myself (literally): "Do you have problems with the magical girls?"

He'd stabilised Koizumi and was beginning to help me load up ammunition and weapons. Upon being asked, he briefly stopped and turned to look at me. In his face was a combination of quiet contempt and sorrow. "Guess I don't hide it that well, huh?" he replied. "Let me tell you something: have you ever noticed how close those attacks come to killing us?"

"Yeah," I replied. "Come to think of it, they seem a bit reckless, don't they?"

"Exactly," continued my counterpart. "They're often very unthoughtful about how much damage their attacks are causing. They see the world as sunshine and lollypops, so to speak. At least the little ones do…as they get older, this changes to the clichéd, high school girl dream of finding…" He paused to sigh for a moment. "'True Love'."

I face palmed and I'm pretty sure he did too. "But still, where does your hostility come from?" I questioned.

"You still haven't gotten it? I thought you'd understand, being me and all," said my clone with disappointment. "They hold a very unrealistic view of the world. They keep thinking after the bad guys are beaten, everyone lives happily ever after until the next big thing comes along. But all we men see are the shattered remnants of everything we knew. We sift through the dead and the dying to find those who are still alive or to discover the fate of our comrades. And then begins the long, arduous process of rebuilding, which is never really complete before the next attack happens."

He clenched his fists. "And those bitches have the nerve to complain about how gloomy we all are or why their favourite shop is still rubble!" he yelled. "You know how many MGs actually give a damn? Only ones like Asahina and Nagato are the ones who care! The others treat us like dirt, look at us like ants and are over reliant on thinking everything will just work itself out!" He quickly began to sob a bit and put his face in his hand.

What the hell was Koizumi talking about before I got sent through the portal? This isn't a magical girl universe! It's a war zone! One that's taken my counterpart beyond his limits and broken him down more times than he can count. This is insanity…I need to get out of here. Don't take that as meaning I'm completely insensitive, though. I felt an undeniable sense of sorrow for my twin's strife.

I put a reassuring hand on his shoulder. "We'll make it through this…I promise." I said. "After I get back home, I'll see if I can get Nagato to twist a few things in your universe. I'm not sure if she can pull it off, or even how, but it's the least I can do."

My counterpart looked up at me through bloodshot eyes and patted me back on the shoulder. "Thanks…but you don't need to be so kind," he said. "I don't want you to stay here any longer than necessary. You just don't belong in this hell hole." He lugged a Carl-Gustav over his shoulder. "Let's kill this bastard so you can return to your world."

* * *

We left Koizumi in the bunker. He'd be safe there, and my counterpart's efforts had reduced the severity of his wounds to nothing a trip to the doctor couldn't fix. Once we finished sealing the bunker so no one would bother him, the two of us went hunting for the teddybot.

He wasn't hard to find-not only did he leave a noticeable trail of destruction from where we last left it, but we could also the distant flashes of the girls still combating it. I noted that there was a fourth streak of light flying around and that Asahina's red trail was no longer visible. Instead, there was a purple and green streak, the former being somewhat smaller than the others.

I asked my counterpart and he had an immediate response. "That's Tsuruya and my…well, 'our' sister," he said. "I'm pretty sure I don't need to tell you who's who. Let's just get over there before they actually find a way to kill it…any kill by a man is a massive morale booster. And as you can see, we need all the morale we can get."

Originally, the plan was to make our way on foot to the battle site. To cut time off our trip, we commandeered two bicycles along the way. According to my counterpart, he was qualified to drive and that there were numerous garages for light vehicles and APCs, but he also stated that'd it'd take too long to get to them.

At the edge of the battle, we found Asahina. She looked weary and tired and was a bit battered, but I was told by my twin that MGs had extraordinary healing rates. There's been quite a lot of scientific work done to try and replicate this for men, but for now they must rely on armour, firepower and tactics to keep out of trouble.

"Are you alright, Asahina-san?" I asked. She was slumped against what was left of a wall, breathing deeply yet slowly and watching the battle from afar. Asahina looked up and gave me a small smile.

"Hai, I'm not as susceptible to injuries as…" she paused, looking for the right words, her grin fading as she thought how to explain without offending my counterpart. "…less fortunate people."

"So I guess you're taking a break from the action?" asked my twin, accepting Asahina's explanation. She nodded. "I see…well, wait here and watch the fireworks. You MGs may have the power, but we regular folk know how to take them down quickly."

Scattering into the debris strewn area, we took up firing positions. We began loading rockets (or whatever ammunition the respective weapon used) and took aim. My counterpart scanned the target before he contacted me on a radio I was given.

"Hit him in the joints first," crackled his voice. "Look for any area that isn't heavily armoured, like the eyes or inside the mouth."

I gave him a thumbs up from my position to indicate my acknowledgement. After checking to see my earplugs were in properly (because guns and especially rockets are loud as hell), I began looking for a shot. Eventually, an opening revealed itself: after swinging an arm after Tsuruya-and missing-the shoulder joint was exposed. Pulling the trigger, my rocket roared into life and launched the warhead off my RPG-7 with a smoky white trail.

A small note on the RPG-7: because it was designed to be cheap and easy to manufacture, the warhead isn't all the aerodynamically designed. So, don't be shocked should your rocket veer off course. Mine sure as hell did-it curved away at the last minute and slammed into the ground. Cursing silently, I began to fumble for another warhead and load my RPG.

The other problem is the white smoke trail: it makes things real obvious as to where the shooter is at. The teddybot rotated its head 180 degrees behind his body and looked at me. Upon locking on to me, the torso rotated around before it finally swivelled its legs into a locomotive stance towards me. Haruhi tried to fly up to it as a yellow streak, but all's the teddybot did was raise its fist and wait for Haruhi to collide with it. It was quite comical, looking back on it when I'm not cowering before a mechanical teddy overlord. I think I even heard Haruhi groan as she fell after hitting his fist.

Of course, I wasn't laughing…Iron Bear was waltzing right up to me. I hurriedly aimed up as it stood over me and fired off a quick shot. This shot hit him in the shoulder blade. All he did was glance at it then look back down at me. He raised a foot above my head and it didn't take long to figure out what he intended. I closed my eyes…I can't believe my death is coming at the hands of a robotic teddy bear. Couldn't I just pass away quietly?

A loud explosion snapped my eyes open. I watched the teddybot topple to the side with a smoking hole in his upper thigh, right where it joined the hip. It didn't take much thought to think where that shot came from and the sight of my twin's smoking launcher only reinforced that notion. But, the teddybot wasn't down for the count. He began to rise, though I noticed it had a slight limp.

"Hit him in the leg again!" yelled my counterpart. "Let's take his whole leg off!" Surprisingly, this wasn't directed only at me, but the girls as well. Tsuruya flew ahead to get the machines attention while Nagato took aim with…her bare hand? She literally karate chopped the leg and severed it. The teddy, unable to hold its balance, fell.

Yet STILL he refused to give up. Activating his rockets, the teddy balanced one side of him with his remaining leg, picked up his old one and began batting at the girls with it like a club. Haruhi eventually woke up or recovered from her head-on collision with metal fist and rejoined battle. Apparently, Haruhi got the idea from the large limb being flung at her and ripped the other leg clean off. The teddy, however, used his remaining rockets to levitate his torso.

I turned to my twin and yelled: "What the hell do we do now?"

"We keep trying, damn it!" he shouted back. He lined up another shot and hit the teddy near its eye. During the confusion, I got as close as I dared and launched a rocket into the arm joint. I had to quickly back off though, unless I wanted to suffer the wrath of Vietnam-War vet teddybot.

"Hey, look!" yelled my twin. He was pointing near the joint I hit at the chest plate. Then I became aware of edge of the plate partially bent outward. "Haruhi!" he yelled. "See if you can get that chest plate off!"

"I'm on it!" she replied. "Tsuruya! Yuki! Restrain it!"

"Right away!" acknowledged Tsuruya. Both girls grabbed the arms of the teddy and held them away. My 'sister' even contributed by struggling to hold the beast's mouth shut. I remembered, there was a flamethrower inside of there…a good call. Haruhi struggled with the chest plate until a sickening metallic tearing sound shrieked. The whole left half of the machine was exposed but she pulled further still.

"Mikuru! Help!" she grunted. The small figure sitting on the side lines apparently heard her request as a red streak flew towards the machine and Asahina grabbed the chest plate, pulling with Haruhi. Finally, the plate came clean off.

"Now! Fire!" yelled my twin. We both aimed our launchers at the exposed chest, particularly at the very obvious red core flashing in the middle. Two rockets streaked forward. There was an explosion. The teddybot began to shudder, spark and malfunction.

As the MGs scattered in different directions, the monstrosity exploded. A thrill unlike any other rose up inside me and manifested itself as a wild cheer of triumph. Raising my fist into the air I watched the metal fragments rain down around us. I didn't seem to care about how any one of them could easily hit me. It was a time to be caught in the moment. And my counterpart was now a mirror image of myself, howling at the smouldering remnants of the main body.

The multicoloured streaks landed near us. "Great job, both of you!" complimented Haruhi…a rare occurrence. Still, it made me smile inside. Just goes to show how things could be different. But, still, I'd rather not stay here any longer than I need to.

"WAIT A MINUTE!" shrieked my 'sister'. "Why are there two Kyons?" Both of me face palmed and shook our heads.

"That's a very good question," agreed Tsuruya. "But, then again, we just killed a giant teddy robot, so who am I to judge?" She had one of her characteristic fits of laughter shortly after.

"The important thing is, we live to fight another day," stated my counterpart. I couldn't help but notice he had a more approving look in his eye at the MGs. Oh hell, this is one of those cliché endings where a person with a bias learns to let it go, isn't it? The hell I'm having any of this.

I coughed an 'ahem' to let them know I'd like to be off as soon as possible. "Ah, right…" realised my twin. "Nagato, please send myself on his way." She nodded and through a flashy display of power, opened a portal. Wow…that was quick. Not that I'm complaining: I've had enough of this psychotic world. I quickly yelled 'Sayonara!' and jumped into the portal. Koizumi is getting an earful when I get back.


	7. Chapter 7: Stupid Intelligence

**And now, a report from the author: Chapter 7 is finally here, after being delayed by holidays, returning to school and Lazy Bastard Syndrome (trademark). To those of you still with me, glad to know you've got the patience. To those who were anxiously waiting for this, I apologise. To be truthful, I did find this chapter a bit hard to pull off, so how well I did is dependent on public response. It is setting up for future events and actually giving this runaway train of a story a coherent plot path. Basically, try to bear with me: _Alien _didn't have the creature revealed to us straight away. Neither did _Predator_.**

**Disclaimer: Even though I've probably hammered this in enough, I'm going to say it again to make sure Nagaru Tanigawa doesn't send his minions after me. Nagaru Tanigawa created the Haruhi Suzumiya series, it's characters and the original plot. I'm just some bloke who wanted to add his own touch to it.**

**Chapter 7: Stupid Intelligence**

On my trip back, I saw some familiar worlds, which I'm pretty sure were the same ones I saw on my back from the dramatic world and entering the MG world. There was an astronaut doing a space walk (probably off of the space shuttle I saw lifting off), a bunch of those sinister soldiers riding a tank (their helmets looked vaguely familiar…), another one of those mechs during a weapons test in the desert, several tentacles bursting out of a sewer (I hope there won't be a hentai world), men in radiation suits, and some sort of sinister surgical table. I wondered when (and if) I'd ever encounter these worlds.

At long last, I found myself seated on the toilet I'd left. Checking my watch, the time had reset to this world's rules and only five minutes had passed. Well I'll be damned. I became aware of a knocking on the door.

"Kyon-kun! Are you nearly finished? I need to use the toilet!" shouted my sister.

"Hai, hai, I'm just about done anyway," I replied, lifting myself off the toilet and exiting to my room. There, I proceeded to get straight down to business: call Koizumi and give him hell for not giving me the full picture. Once I'd dialled, I brought the phone up to my ear and waited.

"Ah, Kyon," answered the smug bastard. "There you are, I was wondering-"

"What the hell kind of informants do you have, you son of a bitch?" I yelled. "You said it would be a magical girl universe! I ended up getting attacked by a giant teddy robot and joining a militia version of myself to take it down with bloody rocket launchers!"

There was a silence on the other end.

"…gomen, I was going to tell you about that bit, but it seems the portal opened before I could finish," he said. "Other than the magical girl anime, Haruhi had also been looking at military equipment. We think it may be in response to a recent interest in conflicts, such as those in Somalia and Iraq. After that, she went looking at magical girls and must've fused the two together."

That…actually explained a lot. Perhaps I'm a bit at fault here for acting a bit aggressively, but I did just return from a fight against a cuddly version of the terminator. But, to be fair, the call was cut short by the portal, meaning I didn't get the full story. I began to regret my outburst. Memories of the Koizumi I left behind in the bunker came back.

"Sorry…" I said. "I've just gone through a level of hell that I'm sure Dante would've shit his pants and screamed at. Guess I'm just tense after that ordeal."

"It's not a problem," he replied. I could practically see that damnable grin on his face and whatever sympathy or guilt I may have felt quickly vanished. "There is some good news: I may have made an opportunity for you to convince Haruhi to cease sending you through the space between spaces. There's another search scheduled for tomorrow. The message came during the five minute period you were gone. I've called in to say I'm unable to attend due to business."

"And this is a good thing how?" I inquired. I'm a bit confused of how taking a leave of absence will help stop me from seeing new, interesting and terrifying worlds.

"I anticipated your question," he answered. "You know that Haruhi likes to select teams via the 'drawing straws' method? If that's so, you should also be aware that the two of you are never grouped together. By removing myself from the scene, your chances will increase."

Ah, now I see. With Koizumi there, the three to two split will be half and half. Each team will only have two members and if I'm lucky enough to get Haruhi isolated, I can simply bring up the topic of alternate dimensions in idle conversation and lead it so that she'll think no more of it.

"Well, here's hoping Koizumi. Thanks for the help. Sayonara." I turned off my phone and decided to relax for the rest of the day. Briefly, I wondered if my counterpart had the same luxury…

* * *

That night, as I slept, my dreams were consumed by these alternate worlds. The vortex was all around me and glimpses of these other worlds continued to assault me. I'm not sure if this was a dream or if my unconscious mind was pulled into the space between spaces.

I could hear voices this time. My voice…some slightly different, but all mine.

"Haruhi! Surely you must be out of your mind!" yelled an overly dramatic me. "One cannot simply expect birds to follow a magnet! The idea is absurd!" Ah, my first encounter universe. I don't know what crazy scheme they were hatching, but the view through my counterpart's eyes was a fishing rod with a magnet tied to the end. Maybe I should call it 'Monty Python Land'.

"Koizumi, get in position. I'll signal on the radio when to take the shot," whispered a more serious me. "The girls have him tied up, aim for the leg. That'll give us the upper hand." The streaks of colour flying before my twin's vision were no doubt from the world I'd just left. Crosshairs sat in the centre of the sight, and small adjustments to zoom and positioning told me I was looking down the scope of a sniper rifle. His target was clearly defined: a heavily armoured super-villain whose only flaw in his defence was lightly armoured leggings. That explains why my counterpart said to aim for the legs.

"Houston, this is Eagle 6. Satellite 'Sentry 5' is operational," spoke my counterpart in space. Beyond the machinery immediately before my twin's eyes and the large solar panels jutting out from either side was the blackness of space and the twinkling of stars. Slight muffling of the voice indicated a helmet-a necessary piece of equipment to use in the vacuum of space. I've yet to see this space world yet, but I hoped when I did, the vortex wouldn't deposit me in the vacuum.

Then there was a phone ringing. A very old fashioned one at that, as the ringing was definitely not digitally generated. I saw the hand of my other self reach over to pick up the antique phone and place the receiver next to his head. What happened next shocked me.

"Hallo? Ah, guten Tag," said my twin. Is…is he speaking in German? Why is he speaking in German? I don't even know German! Is he German? Why isn't he Japanese like I am? He's supposed to be me, right?

"Kilo-4 deploying," a more familiar me said. The view had changed to a cockpit of sorts with a large Heads-Up Display, or HUD, projected before me. It generated an image of a large aircraft bay. There were some mechanical noises as my twin's vehicle gently slided to the open doors and then began a free fall. "Kilo-4 successfully cleared of clamps, now approaching-"

I didn't hear the rest of it as the scene changed yet again. Is someone hitting fast forward on a remote somewhere? Is any of this supposed to mean anything? Why are you making me ask so many questions?

"Yuki?" asked a nervous me. "Is-is that you?" Things had gotten dark. The only light came from a flashlight that I wasn't holding on account of the rifle my counterpart had in his hands. There were some scurrying and grumbling noises. And it didn't come from me. "Is anyone there? Is any-oh…shit." His gaze had shifted to movement in the darkness. Before he could wheel the light toward it and give me a good look as my twin brought his rifle to bear, the scene changed again. Damn it, stop teasing me! This is turning into a movie trailer!

"Desyat', devyat', vosem', sem'…" said a voice that wasn't mine for once. It was coming from a loudspeaker. My twin's vision was tinted by polarised goggles and he faced an open desert. The voice was speaking in some foreign language I couldn't quite pinpoint…

"Shest', pyat', chetyre…" continued the voice. Hold on a minute. Polarised goggles and a barren desert? And that voice…is that Russian?

"Tri, dva, odin, nol'." That almost sounds like a count-

My thoughts were interrupted by a bright flash followed by a loud explosion. I knew it…a nuclear test. Russia, nukes…what are you getting at, Haruhi?

I never saw anything related to the brains I saw on my way into the MG universe before I woke up.

* * *

"Ah, Kyon, there you are, are you ready to-eh? Kyon, are you alright? You look very tired," inquired Haruhi. I guess despite the fact my 'dream' ended when I woke up the next morning didn't mean my body got a good rest. Or it could've been from funny a homicidal teddy robot.

"Eh, I'll be right, just had nightmares," I lied. I gave a wave back at Asahina-san while Nagato just stood still and quiet as usual.

"Alright, since Koizumi couldn't be here, we're going to do things a bit differently!" said Haruhi. "But for now, just draw straws as normal and commence patrols."

I ended up with Nagato first, which was good; I still wasn't sure how to convince Haruhi to let go of her interest in alternate worlds. We each went our separate ways and I took the time to ask Nagato about my 'dream'.

"What you saw was not a dream," she explained in her monotone voice. "Suzumiya's abilities are causing these links to your alternate beings' point of view. All the possible alternate worlds are being linked to ours by Suzumiya's will. The breaking of these links will not destroy the worlds, but merely prevent any transdimensional exchange."

"So, if you know about what's the cause behind all this, can you tell me what any of those worlds are about?" I asked.

She shook her head. "You know more than I do." I didn't even think that was possible.

When we met back, surprisingly, Haruhi's team found something.

"It was sitting by the sidewalk and looked a bit out of place. Mighty suspicious, huh?" explained Haruhi. You know how you seem to remember some small, insignificant detail and find something that fits together with it? That happened to me right there, because the piece of metal Haruhi held was exactly like the type used to make the teddy robot. "It doesn't look like it came off of anything nearby…"

Haruhi dropped it and frowned. "Eh, it probably came off of a car…" she dismissed. But I picked it up and looked at it closely. This got her attention. "Kyon? What's the problem?"

"Uh…" I panicked. I can't tell her the truth, who knows what that'll do? Got to make up something…uh… "It…doesn't look like it came off of a car, that's all. Let me take it back with me and I'll have a closer look."

Haruhi gave me a sceptical stare for five seconds before shrugging and saying "Go ahead." When it came time to select teams again, Haruhi instead hand picked them, going with Nagato and leaving me with Asahina.

"I don't suppose you can show me where you found this?" I asked, holding up the metal fragment.

"Sure," nodded Asahina. "Follow me. I was the one who noticed it anyway."

Upon reaching the destination, it wasn't hard for me to compare it to the half-rugged, half-pristine one I was at the other day. The sidewalk was on the other side of the road from a fairly open courtyard-the same one I'd dug into and destroyed the teddybot from.

I turned to Asahina and gave her the piece of metal. "Could you show me where exactly you found it and what position it was in?" She nodded. It was only a short walk down from our current position, maybe a few metres or so. Once Asahina had finished setting the piece of metal exactly as she found it, I examined the nature of the positioning. On the wall behind it was small mark and I noticed another on the road. Remembering the position of the robot and the force it exploded, I came to a disturbing conclusion: this was definitely from the Teddynator. The explosion flung the piece this way, where it ricocheted off the road and was stopped by the wall, coming to rest here.

"Asahina…" I stuttered, shaking from the realisation. "Do you know what this piece is from?"

"It looks like it was from a robot," she answered. "That's why I was able to notice it. I'm not at liberty to tell you if there are robots in the future where I come from, but it did raise enough concerns from me to assume it came from the future. Why? How do you know it?"

"Oh, this is from a robot alright," I told her. "But probably not one you've ever seen."


	8. Chapter 8: Kyon and Beyond the Infinite

**And now, a propaganda broadcast from the author: ****Do not adjust your computer screen. We can make it crazy. Today's chapter involves an interesting turn. I've been trying to return a bit of the humour aspects to the story, but the opporunity hasn't arised as often with the way the story is going. But fear not! I shall try to add more funny in the future. So, read, review and OBEY.**

**Disclaimer: ****The author doesn't own the Haruhi Suzumiya series by Nagaru Tanigawa.**

**Chapter 8: Kyon and Beyond the Infinite**

Asahina was clearly shocked by the premise that the very machine I destroyed somehow had one of its parts flung into the real world. I couldn't blame her; it shook me to the core. If just this small piece of that mechanical monstrosity made it through, then who knew what else could cross over in the future? Monsters? Soldiers? The thought was a scary one, so I decided to regain my composure and return to Haruhi.

"Asahina, I think we should be getting back," I suggested. "We need to sort this out with Haruhi as soon as possible." She nodded in understanding, but the lack of colour in her face and widened eyes betrayed the shock she had felt of knowing interdimensional beings could pass into our world.

As we made our way back to Haruhi and Nagato, I convinced Asahina to compose herself so Haruhi didn't get any suspicions. Upon returning, Haruhi asked how our 'investigation' went.

"Uh, it yielded interesting possibilities," I replied, uneasily. "I think it would be best if I took a closer look at this fragment at home…"

Haruhi nodded. "Sounds like a plan," she said. "Alright everyone, you're free to go. See you all tomorrow!" Wait, what?

"You're ending the patrol already?" I asked. It wasn't like her to just give up this easily. Besides, wasn't I supposed to be on patrol with her at least once? Convince her to end this crazy dreaming of alternate worlds?

"Yeah, I think this one has been productive enough," she answered, gesturing to the metal piece in my hand. "Kyon, I expect you to have a number of theories ready by tomorrow! And I want to hear them all! Understood?"

I was at a loss for words momentarily. First of all, this was supposed to be my opportunity to at least try and stop Haruhi from unwittingly flinging me from one dimension to the next. Secondly, she was satisfied with a patrol? All we found was a piece of metal, which she dismissed earlier as coming off a car! I must've somehow convinced her with my curiosity that it's something more. Damn, I hate myself sometimes. And finally, she actually gave a damn about my opinions? I mean, sure, it's based off of what this piece of metal came off of, but wouldn't her theories mean more than mine?

"Oi! Kyon!" snapped Haruhi. "Do you understand?"

I nodded weakly.

Her frown shifted to a smile. "Good. I'll see you all tomorrow at school. Sayonara!" And with that, she bolted off back towards her home, leaving me to exchange awkward glances at Asahina and Nagato.

* * *

Sitting at my desk back home, I stared at the fragment of the rampaging teddy robot. It somehow managed to cross over into our world. What else? Did anything more jump dimensions? I'm pretty sure my friends were having the same contemplations.

The metallic reflection distorted my face. If I stared long enough, the reflection would warp and shift. That wasn't what I found surprising, though. What I found surprising was the things I began to see.

Either this interdimensional travel is screwing with my brain or I'm going slowly crazy. Whatever the case, I saw more glimpses of the other worlds. I can't describe them to you, though. They went by too fast for any man to comprehend.

By the time I tore my eyes away, the phone was in my hand and looking back, the metal was nothing but reflective. Gazing at the number on the screen, I'd instinctively tried to call Nagato. Might as well…she'll help me. I know she will. Right?

A few rings later, a calm and detached voice answered. "Yes?"

"Nagato, can I come over there? There's some strange shit going on with this metal fragment." I could practically hear the panic in my voice. Calm down, man! Everything will work itself out.

"Hai. Make sure you bring the fragment." The line went dead after that. Better get on my bicycle then…

* * *

Bzzzzt.

"Nagato, it's me. I've got the fragment."

Before me, the doors opened and I made my way inside. A short elevator ride later and I'd reached the floor Nagato lived on. Carefully making my way to her room number, I knocked on the door.

"Come in," said Nagato. Entering the apartment, it had not changed at all since the first time I came here. It was more or less devoid of anything other than the table in the centre of the room and Nagato herself. Much like my first visit, she had some tea brewed. Good…I could use something to calm my nerves.

After seating myself and taking a few gulps of tea, I handed the fragment over to Nagato and began to explain. "I was only staring at it when it decided to go crazy and flash visions of the other world before my face too fast for me to decipher."

Nagato stared at the fragment as still as a statue, only moving when she turned it over. After what felt like an eternity, she finally looked up to give me an answer. Of course, it wasn't a simple one.

"Those visions were a cause of the dimensional linking Suzumiya has imbued you with," she began. "You've encountered them before in dreams, like last night. However, the fragment induced them by direct passage through the interdimensional portal. In there, it was exposed to the same radiation that the portal generates. This caused a reaction with the radiation you exude and produced the series of visions you saw."

I half understood and half didn't. But a few things got my attention. "Whoa, whoa, back up a bit," I said. "I exude my own radiation? And what's all this about dimensional linking? I thought Haruhi was responsible for that, not me."

"Unfortunately, that is no longer the case," answered Nagato. Why did that fill me with dread? I reached for another cup of tea and gulped it down.

Nagato continued. "While Suzumiya was initially the source of the interdimensional activity, that has been passed on to you. Suzumiya still retains some influence on where you go due to her ability to bend reality, but the fact cannot be ignored that more of the interdimensional properties are being passed on to you. The dimensions are linking to you instead of Suzumiya. She's just a booster. You're becoming capable of traversing dimensions. Given time, you'll be able to learn how to control the ability and form links without Suzumiya's help. In other words, you're becoming a slider."

Silence. Shock. The impact was unmistakable. Until now, I'd always been the normal one. I wasn't an alien like Nagato, a time traveller like Asahina, a psychic being like Koizumi or a supernatural entity like Haruhi. A normal man was all I ever was. No quirks, no notable features-just a run of the mill human being.

And I've lost all that without even realising it. I'm becoming a slider; someone who can jump dimensions. I should be able to convince Haruhi though, right? Get her to change me back somehow.

"Nagato," I spoke quietly. "What chance is there that I can get Haruhi to turn me back? To stop this?"

"I'm afraid there is only a 5% margin of possibility," she bluntly stated. But I could detect the small trace of sympathy she expressed. Nagato may not come off as the emotive type, but when you've been around her long enough, you learn to detect these odd displays.

However, it still did not help to calm me. 5%...that's all I've got to work with. My entire life has been brought down around me. I need to get home…get some rest…think about it. But before I do…

"Can I get one last drink of tea?" I shakily asked.

* * *

I've been lying in my bed for hours. I can't sleep. Not with knowing I'm not normal anymore…or that I may never be normal again. Damn, I never knew I could be so melancholic over something. It's not like my life was normal before I became a slider anyway. No, the real turning point was when I met Haruhi Suzumiya.

I sat up. Yeah, what do I have to be so gloomy about? I lost any chance of a normal life when I met her. Do I mind? Only a little, but I wouldn't trade the life I have for anything. At least it's interesting.

What's that noise? A faint ringing? Is it another dimensional challenge? Well, bring it, I say! I don't have anything more to lose! I only have things to gain! Let's go, bitches! My next adventure awaits!

Oh…it's just my phone. I might've overreacted just a little bit…

"Hello?" I answered.

"Ah, Kyon," replied Asahina. "Nagato-san told me about what happened. Are you alright?"

"I'm a man destined to be jumping worlds like I'm on a round the world trip," I dryly answered. "I think I'm doing well considering the circumstances."

There was a relieved sigh on the other end. "I know things must be hard for you, but we're all here for you," she continued. "If you need our help at all, you can call us anytime."

"Are you saying that because I asked Nagato first?" I put bluntly. There was a long silence. "This isn't a competition, understand? I only asked Nagato because she has the most detailed understandings of this sort of crap most of the time. But, I will bring dimensional related questions to you. I have a feeling it isn't terribly different to time travel."

"Eh…yes…but, since a lot of the stuff I know is classified, I guess I can understand why you'd see Nagato first," she nervously answered.

"Don't worry; I'll keep you in mind. Sayonara." After hanging up the phone I lay down for a little bit. Asahina has a very good effect on my well being. I feel much more calm, relaxed and reassured. I guess I can rely on her in that field at least…

…and the phone is ringing again. I think I know who it is this time. Alright, get over you bastard.

"Koizumi?" I answered.

"Ah, very good my friend," answered the bastard himself. "I'm just seeing how you're coping with your…revelation."

"I'm surviving…plus, I realised my life lost any form of normal when I met Haruhi," I said. "But, if I may ask…how did you cope when you discovered your abilities?"

"That's a very good question," started Koizumi. "It was a scary experience at first. My revelation came when I accidentally stumbled into a closed space. There, I saw the large giants Suzumiya-san generates, rampaging. Needless to say, I was terrified. But, then my future comrades of the organisation entered the fray and brought down the giants. When they found me, they took me back with them and helped me to control my abilities. Thus, I am now the man you know today."

Ok, not as helpful as I thought. Sure, the whole scared at the beginning part was familiar, but I don't have an organisation to help me. I'm on my own.

"Well, thanks for sharing that little story, Koizu-" There was a burst of static through the phone. "Aw hell…" I could hear the familiar sounds of the vortex. Looking back at my desk, above the fragment was a portal. But something surprised me…

"Kyon…are you-…-ere?" crackled Koizumi. I can still hear him?

"Uh, Koizumi," I spoke. "If you can hear this, I've got a vortex. I'll check back with you later." I think I heard a garbled acknowledgement before the phone went dead. Facing my opponent, another peculiarity became apparent. There was no suction force. Even standing right in front of the portal, only half an arms length away, there was no force drawing me to it.

Screw it. If I'm going to be a slider the rest of my life, I may as well start learning now or die trying. Backing up a bit, I ran at the vortex and leapt head first into it, screaming like a mad man.

This vortex trip was VERY different. I wasn't gliding along carefree like the last few times. Instead, I fell; the vortex was more like a pit than a tunnel this time…a very, very deep pit, full of unimaginable horrors and sights. Dazzling colours flashed all around, reminding me again of 2001: A Space Odyssey. Rapid images of many worlds flooded my vision, threatening to drive me insane.

Unfortunately, all I from the worlds was pure, unrelenting terror.

If I must describe some of the horrors from other worlds I saw, it included people being set on fire, people being disembowelled, people being…mutated or something. Whatever, all you have to know is terrifying crap. Be it men with flamethrowers, creatures of the night or evil science, I saw it all. Is there an end to this tunnel of nightmares?

**Author's Notes: ****For the falling into the pit of nightmares, consider imagining the ending of 2001. Like I've told you in the last stories. Just get the point, look it up.**


	9. Chapter 9BONUS: Authority

**And now, an opening statement from the author: ****Ladies and gentlemen, you are about to see something out of the ordinary. A chapter that may or may not fit in with the continuity of the story. Some of you will remember it in your nightmares. Others will vehemently deny its existence. In the end, what you see could be believed, but could just as easily be called 'bullshit'. You are about to enter...the bonus chapter.**

**Disclaimer: Three things: 1. I'm not creator of Haruhi Suzumiya, alright? Stop asking! 2. A majority of the content here is satirical, even if some of it is based on real life. 3. This Chapter was co-written with fellow author (and good friend in person) agent-to-the-rescue.**

**Chapter 9: Author-ity**

Ugh. My head…where am I? It feels like I'm in a bed…yeah, definitely. Sitting myself up, I take a look around. This isn't my room. There's a large bookshelf on the end of my bed and another to my left. On the right is the door, and next to it a shelf containing figures. I also notice a closet, though it hasn't got any doors and there's a large cloth poster of a dinosaur hanging over it.

Clackety clackety clackety…

What's that noise? Sounds like fingers on a keyboard. I take another look through the door and in the opposite room is a man typing away on a computer. And, to my surprise, it isn't me. He's got short shaved hair, a black shirt with AC/DC printed on it and blue jeans. Well, while I'm here, I might as well get to know the neighbours.

As I exit the bed and make my way into the room, it becomes apparent to me that his typing is in synch with my thinking process…

By the time I'm right next to him, his typing slows and my…thought…process…sloooooooooooows doooooooooooown…

He swivels on his chair and regards me with wide eyes. I glance at his computer screen to see a Microsoft Word document open, but it's in English, so I'm unable to read what it says. But I suppose I should be more concerned with the young man before me.

"Ah, hi. I don't suppose-"

"Kyon?" exclaims the man. He looks rapidly between his text and me. The words are beginning to make more sense to me, surprisingly. "How the hell did I summon you out of my story?"

"…story?" I parrot. It was around this time I suddenly noticed that not only could I understand his English, but had fluent English myself. "What on Earth are you talking abou-" I freeze. The words on the screen are now completely comprehensible. This guy's been typing out my thoughts! I've been a story character from his perspective!

Eventually, the man quickly composes himself. "I understand that this is a strange experience for us both," he said. I relax a bit myself and take in the surroundings. The room appears to both contain the computers, a dining table and a kitchen as well as a fridge. My new 'friend' opens the fridge and grabs a can of drink. "Perhaps we can discuss this over a drink?"

* * *

We're now in the lounge room, me sitting in a large, comfy chair and him sitting in an old, rocking chair. I take a gulp of my drink. Refreshing…

"So…how do you want do this?" he asks. "Do you want to start off or will I go first?"

I agree to go first and explain my hand in getting here, to which he shows little surprise. This just further proves he's been writing a story about me. After I finish, he even flat out admits it.

"That's exactly what I've been writing," he said. "Well, I suppose I'll explain a little bit. This is no longer Japan or Nihon or as you may know it. THIS IS AUSTRALIA!" He bellows the last line dramatically. "But, yeah, I'm the author. Due to certain reasons, I can't reveal my actual name, so I'll give you my pen name instead. You may call me Gojira Destructicus!"

"Interesting title…" I mumble. "So, you've been writing my whole life? You're why I met Haruhi in the first place?"

"Oh, no, no, no, that wasn't my work. If it were up to me, I'd have you all driving tanks and using them to play soccer!" It has come to my attention that he may be crazy. "No, the real man responsible for you, and Haruhi, is Nagaru Tanigawa, author of the Haruhi Suzumiya light novels."

Alright, this is becoming a bit much for me to comprehend. "Alright, this is becoming a bit much for me to comprehend," I say, voicing my own thoughts. But, apparently, Mr. Destructicus has an ace up his sleeve.

"Follow me, my friend," he tells me, grinning. I follow him back into his room and notice a small desk by the side of the bed I'd exited. Funny, don't remember that being there. But I guess it pays to be attentive, because sitting on it, clutching a lemon and all smiles, is Haruhi Suzumiya. On a DVD case. "You want answers?" asks Destructicus. "You've got 'em right 'ere…"

* * *

**Several hours later…**

* * *

Silence. I can't even begin to form a single word. All I can do is what I've been doing for a majority of the viewing: gaze wide eyed with my mouth open as my entire life as of meeting Haruhi is summed up in a few hours. All narrated by me.

I blinked. First, we were treated to the SOS Brigade's culture fest film. Then it went straight back to the beginning, where the madness all started. Who'd have thought that film we made would be a perfect primer for the sheer insanity that followed? But the real killer was when my author friend told me that there were two bonus discs which displayed the episodes in broadcast order.

"What do you mean broadcast order? You mean without starting with the film?" I asked.

"You're not thinking crazy enough," said Destructicus. "The episodes were intentionally broadcast out of order. Probably to make things more interesting, I don't know. Watch them if you dare."

"I think I'll pass…" I declined. Since I pretty much live this so called 'anime' everyday, it'd be redundant to sit around watching my life unfold. Destructicus left the room and came back in with two more DVDs.

"Hey, maybe this'll take your mind off of everything…sort of."

* * *

**Several more hours later…**

* * *

Once again, another interesting few hours have unfolded as my 'author' treated me to another anime called 'Lucky Star'. There were various references to Haruhi in it and Destructicus told me the voice actress who did Haruhi also voiced Konata, the show's main character. That would explain the déjà vu I felt whenever I heard her talk.

The number of 'cameos' from Haruhi were numerous. Hell, even I appeared with Nagato in the cosplay café episode. But, Mr. Destructicus tells me I shouldn't talk too much about this, as there is a plot to continue.

"And that plot is to show you more anime!" he exclaimed. There was a dull silence as I regarded him dryly. Noticing my expression, he attempted to reassure me. "Don't worry, there's only two more series' I want to show you."

At that moment, the TV flickered…then shut off. When it came back on (by itself, of course), the screen was awash with static. "Oh, what the hell now? Did Richard Nixon come back from the dead?" said Destructicus. Yeah, he's crazy. There isn't a doubt. Nobody assumes a president comes back from the dead when his TV goes mad.

Eventually, an image resolved through the static. A fair skinned girl with red and black hair appear on the screen. She wore black rimmed glasses, and was dressed in a black, lacy top.

"Good evening my friends, how are you both?" She was stroking a black and white cat. "This is my kitty, Morpheus."

"Uh…who are you?" I asked, though Destructicus answered my question shortly after.

"AGENT!" he yelled. "How did you get on my TV screen? And why do you have my cat? Plus, her name's Dee Dee, dingbat." Dingbat?

Agent glared. "I ain't no dingbat!" she shrieked. Then her attention shifted to me. "KYON!"

Uh oh, I don't like the look in her eyes. She's starting to scare me now. Uh, Destructicus? Help, please!

She began bouncing on the spot. "Oh my god, I finally get to meet you. Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god. How are you? Can I meet Haruhi too? What about Koizumi?" She squealed. "Can you take me to your world, please?" Agent lunged forward and hit her head on the TV screen. "Ow, I forgot I can't glomp you through the TV…"

"Oh, dear, GOD(ZILLA)!" exclaimed Destructicus. "She's reaching critical fan-girl mass! We've got to stop her before she undergoes a fan-meltdown…or worse, a FANGASM!" That's it, I'm officially labelling the residents of this universe crazy, insane and highly dangerous. Can I go home now? Please?

"Kyon! Wait here!" bellowed Destructicus. "Keep her occupied! I know how to cool her down!" Before I could protest, he bolted out the door at speeds I didn't think were humanly possible. Damn you, Destructicus! First you turn me into a slider and now you leave me behind with this?

Well, I'd better get this over with. "So…uh…" I stutter. "Am I really that big a deal in this world?"

Agent shook her head. "No, not really. But you are to me!" her eyes gleamed crazily.

Ah, that's…nice…to know…where the hell is Destructicus? You bastard! YOU ABANDONED ME!

"Sneaking…sneaking…" Wait…that's his voice! But…where is he? "Sneaking…sneaking…" Hold on, is that coming from the TV? You mean to tell me he went running all the way over there? "Sneaking…sneaking…aaaaand, SURPRISE!"

"GAH!" She hissed as if she were a vampire dying in the sun. "How the hell did you get over here so quickly? I live several kilometres away!"

That explains where he went, though he could have told me before he left.

"Look, I could ask you how the bloody hell you managed to hack into my television, but I got to stop your fan-girl reaction before you do permanent damage!" explained Destructicus. "And I got just the tool for the job…BEHOLD!" He presented a book to her, and it had a severely adverse effect on her…what'd he call it? Fan-girl reaction? Is this chemistry?

"Noooo! Twilight! Get that vile book away from me. Do you want my eyes to burn out? Or do you want to see me blind?" She picked up a stick and poked the book away from her. "Get back. Get back!"

"Relax," said Destructicus. "I'm just cooling you down so you'll stop your fan-girlism. Now, I'm going to ask a few questions to test your condition. How much do you enjoy yaoi? Is there such a thing as yuri? What is the capital of Lithuania?" I got a question too: what the hell sort of questions are those?

Huh? What do I think of yaoi? It's okay, I guess. And the second question is a trick question: He was the first man in space." She thought for a moment. "The capital of Lithuania is Vilnius, I think."

"Alright, everything checks out. You're cured," stated Destructicus. Alright, that's over. It was a very retarded way of fixing it, but it's over. Now, about me…

"I…think I'm ready to go now. Do either of you know how to get me out of here?" I asked. Destructicus raised his hand.

"Simply go to my computer and type in a portal appearing," he put bluntly.

"That's it?" I asked.

"That's it." He answered.

Well, that was easy. I left the room and returned to the computer. To my surprise, all the events that transpired had typed themselves out. Even the computer was clacking away on it's own as I thought this. Now I seriously want to leave.

Placing myself in the chair I began to type. It wasn't hard. All I did was type 'portal' and hit enter. But, alas, nothing happened. I got ripped off. What a fu-

*transmission terminated due to interdimensional activity*

**And now, a closing statement from the author(s):**

**Destructicus: Well, looks like Kyon is safely back to traversing his dimensions and most likely never speaking of this incident again. Why? Because I said so, that's why. Whether or not this is part of the story's continuity is up to you, the public. Like I said, it could be a weird event that no one speaks of again.**

**And that's the only time you'll ever see me make an appearance in the story. That's it. You'll never see me again. Unless you want to, but I doubt it. So…nothing much else to add. Agent, did you want to say anything?**

**Agent: I'm really glad Gojira D. let me co-write this chapter, It was really fun. Hope you all enjoyed it ^_^ **

**By the way, where were your parents in all of this, Gojira?**

**Destructicus; You never see the parents of Kyon or any other anime character for that matter, so why the hell should I feature mine? Besides, I reckon they'd just deny the entire thing was happening out of how strange it all was.**


	10. Chapter 10: Cerebral Trauma

**And now a father-to-son talk from the author: ****Now, Timmy, you may be wondering about what you saw last night. Well, you see, when a man and a woman love each other very much...oh, right, the story. To my loyal fans, thank you for your support and excellent reviews. I try to update weekly, but things tend to delay such updates (often my own laziness). This week, I was nearly thwarted by my own sickly body, which crapped out on me both times I tried to go to school (and failed less then an hour in). Fortunately, I'm beginning to feel better, however little. Today's chapter bears influence from Futurama, particularly the episodes with the giant brains. I have tried to give it my own touch so it doesn't seem like a complete rip-off. Enjoy the chapter, and bid me well on my recovery. Now, where was I? Ah yes, when a man and a woman love each other...**

**Disclaimer: ****Nagaru Tanigawa is the original creator of Haruhi Suzumiya and all associated characters. Got that? Good. I'd hate for you to have an 'accident'.**

**Chapter 10: Cerebral Trauma**

I don't think I'll ever get used to this dimensional travel business. Every time, there's some new sight in all this that makes me tremble with fear. As I go through my current vortex, there are gunshots, screaming and roaring all around. Damn it, if I am becoming a slider, I'd better learn how to control it soon, because I sure as shit don't want to visit any of the worlds I'm HEARING now.

Note the emphasis on hearing. After all the horrible crap I've seen so far, I'm thinking it's best to go through this with my eyes closed. Last time I opened them, I saw someone being carried off by his entrails. What was dragging him by his guts, I couldn't see and didn't. Hopefully this will help you understand my decision never to LOOK into the vortex again.

Finally, at long last, my exit arrived as I left the vortex to enter…where the hell is this? Uh, how to describe it…LSD hallucination? Hold on, this place looks a lot like the classroom after Asakura trapped me in it and tried to kill me. Or rather, the space outside the classroom. I was standing (or rather, collapsed, given my exit) on nothing. Everything was a swirling palette of colour and patterns that shifted constantly. For the time being, it was all a calm, ambient blue, rippling like the ocean.

That's when they found me.

"Interesting…we appear to have a visitor from another universe," said a voice exactly like Koizumi's, though more intellectual and…superior? It wasn't a smug sort of superior, more like that of the scientist observing the rat as it navigates his twisted maze.

"That's hardly interesting!" scoffed a voice like mine, but with the similar qualities that Koizumi's possessed. "Do you know how many interdimensional visitors we get on a regular basis?"

Finally, I decided to look up from my current position sprawled on the 'floor' at the denizens of this world. My body instantly filled with regret and demanded I look down again. I was face to brain with…well, just that, a brain. A giant, floating brain. Not that neither of them noticed my shock…they continued their argument, though in a somewhat smart fashion.

"I'm well aware of the visitors we get annually…they have a 57% rate of arrival," said 'Koizumi'. "But each one comes from a different world of unique properties. Therefore, they are viable to be of interest as we do not yet know all about them. And it is our goal to know all." No enthusiasm. No boredom. All I detected in his voice was cool, calculating logic.

"Maybe so, but you've always been an optimistic one, Koizumi," replied my…uh…brain. "In order to gather the best results, one must maintain an unbiased opinion on the subject matter." My 'brain' looked down at me (as much as I could tell…he tilted downward towards me) and regarded my presence. "Upon further examination, you may be right Koizumi," said my 'brain', with a light level of intrigue, but otherwise maintaining a cool and untainted demeanour. "Based on analysis of his brain patterns, this hominid appears to be my alternate counterpart."

"Yeah…so it seems…" I replied. Pulling myself off the ground, the brains regarded me with…well, I couldn't tell. A person's eyes, body language and facial expression are good at conveying emotion. When you strip it down to the brain, that ability is lost due to the lack of anything to express with save the wrinkly, soft flesh and (in this case) the voice.

"Welcome, Kyon," said my 'brain'. "I understand that you are developing the abilities of a slider. Now you're thinking 'how'd he know that?' and 'he can read my thoughts?'. Your brain waves are not that hard to analyse. I can tell what you think before you even speak." Well, that- "Sort of defeats the purpose of speaking, correct?" he rudely interrupted.

"Perhaps we should let him verbally communicate his thoughts," suggested brain-Koizumi. "It would be most comfortable for him if he could express himself in a familiar manner…plus it may provide interesting research value."

"Yes…RESEARCH VALUE…" said 'me' in an ominous tone. "Oh, don't worry, we all use that tone when it comes to science. Makes it sound interesting." I don't think I'll ever get used to this mind reading. "Come…we shall take you to the others."

* * *

When he said 'take you to the others', I didn't think a worm hole would be involved. No walking, no hovering along, not even a ride on one of the brains would've been as strange. Well, at least I think I'm in one piece. Let me check…yep. Genitalia still attached to appropriate position.

"Worry not about your reproductive organs," said brain-'me'. "Our calculations of dimensional travel are hyper precise." Thank you, dickless. At least you don't have to worry about being able to pee properly.

Before us were three other brains who I correctly assumed were Haruhi, Nagato and Asahina-san. Not that I can tell them apart-all brains have a tendency of looking the same. Once again, these brain versions of the SOS Brigade had an intellectual and analytic tone.

"A humanoid Kyon…interesting," noted Haruhi-brain. They must have hyper-communication abilities or some shit…I don't know, anything's possible here. "That is correct," replied Haruhi-brain. "We are capable of telepathic communication over great distances. How else do you think we have been able to communicate with you whilst lacking a vocal projector organ?"

"Don't confuse him," said Koizumi-brain. "Am I correct in assuming there are humanoid versions of ourselves in your world?"

"Yeah," I said. "Though, trust me, you guys seem very different…although…"

"To answer your question, I am Nagato and that is Asahina," said Nagato-brain, answering my question before it had a chance to be voiced. "My apologies-I did not mean to cause you any annoyance." Well, reading my thoughts isn't helping much.

"Sorry, Kyon," said Asahina-brain. "But I'm afraid we pick up thoughts in much the same way you pick up sounds and smells. It's unavoidable unless you disable the sense in question, which in our case would require our immediate termination. And we wouldn't want that-would we?" She hovered right up to my face when she said the last bit.

"Ye-yeah…" I stuttered. "No…no killing anyone, alright?"

"Ha. Please, we wouldn't go killing our guest," assured Haruhi-brain, which oddly enough worked, despite it being Haruhi. "While we have dissected numerous beings that came through here, you're perfectly safe, and all the creatures we dissect are put back together without trouble anyway."

"Moving on," I said, trying to get the conversation on a different track. "Where am I?"

"This is the space between spaces," explained Koizumi-brain. "Whenever something has a dimensional journey to this area, we examine it then send it on its way. As you can see, it is a strange and alien place. In truth, we brains could shape whatever we want out of this dimensional fabric, but we like the constantly shifting background, so we don't do much 'building'."

"A new factor has come to my attention," stated Nagato. "This Kyon appears to be developing the abilities of a slider. However, his control of it is unstable and limited at best. Might I recommend we help him gain more control over his abilities?"

"Interesting," said Kyon-Brain, thoughtfully. "This world is the perfect spot to perfect your slider abilities. When completed, you'd be able to go to wherever you wished! Though, further tempering and control would have to be done in your own time, as human behaviour would likely prevent a perfect run."

"Are you going to show me how to control this dimensional jumping or what?" I asked, impatiently. I'd like to finish this as quickly as possible. Sure, these are exotic places, but it's not exactly like Venice.

* * *

"Behold!" announced Haruhi. Before me was a black box with white ripples echoing across the surfaces, both inside and out. It was large enough to accommodate myself while standing. A good few metres away was another box of the same properties, but with the colour inverted. By now, the 'weather' had gone from blue ripples to swirls of red and yellow.

"Alright, here's the plan," began Kyon-brain. "The first rule of sliding is to think of your objective then think of going there. Look at the white box." I did. I soaked in every little, tiny detail of that box. "Now that you have your objective in mind, step into the black box and think about going to the white box. If successful, you should be completely transported from the black box to the white box."

"Sounds good," I said. "But, how am I going to accomplish dimensional travel by going through boxes? I didn't think I could teleport."

"These boxes simulate a dimension," explained Kyon-brain (they did a lot of explaining). "And this is the space between spaces. Things work a little differently here, my friend."

Well, here goes nothing. I step inside the black box and the door closes. Now, concentrate on my objective. A white box…black ripples on the surface. White box…black ripples…white box…black ripples…white box…black ripples…

Things went…well, neither bright nor dark. It's a transition that defies description. All's I know is that where I stood before in a black box with white ripples was now a white box with black ripples. The door opens and I step out. Sure enough, the black box is now farther away. It's my first true act as a slider. Guess I should be proud…

"Excellent work," compliments Asahina-brain. "That concludes your training." What? Seriously? That's it? Just think of a destination and go?

"It's not quite as simple as that I'm afraid," corrects Koizumi-brain. "That was basically the only real trick to sliding. It's only available to sliders, but it's fairly easy. The hard part is controlling it in the spaces. Like we said, things work a bit differently here in the space between spaces. As a result, you may be able to have adept control of the power here, but the physics and properties of the actual dimensions prohibit this a little bit. You'll need to master this ability on your own, I'm afraid. But with what we taught you, you should be fine…as long as you survive the unstable phase.

"Unstable phase?" I parrot. Something tells me I'm not going to like this.

"Every slider begins unstable when they acquire their powers," continued Nagato-brain. "The unstable phase is where they must learn to control their abilities or die. During this time, they are volatile, with the merest thought hurling them into another dimension. You must learn to control the sliding with your own will power. If you are successful, the random portals that have opened up and drawn you in will cease."

That's it. I'm a dead man. The merest thought could send me to my doom. Watching a war documentary? Suddenly I'm in the middle of an artillery bombardment. At the museum? Now I'm running away from dinosaurs and Genghis Khan. Reading a manga? All of a sudden, I'm at the helm of a giant robot trying to fight off a giant monster. Great…just great. My life has become more of a nuisance than it already was.

"I want to go home now…" I weakly mutter.

* * *

"Behold!" announced Haruhi-brain, yet again. This time it was something familiar. The dissection table I'd seen in the various glimpses. "Sorry about the blood, we haven't gotten around to cleaning that up yet." Yes, I can see that. It's just stained all over the table and the instruments. That won't bother me at all.

"And…why are we here?" I asked. I really didn't think the answer would be calming. I was right.

"This is what we're going to use to send you back home," answered Kyon-brain. Suddenly, I began to question the sanity of these brain counterparts. Did their idea of sending me home become cutting me open and pulling my bits out?

Feebly, I pointed at the table. "But…that's a dissection table."

"It can do lots of things," defended Koizumi, a little bit irritated. Don't think I've ever heard him irritated before. "Who says it can't?"

"Alright, alright," I stuttered. "How's this going to work?"

"First, we strap you in," started Asahina-brain. Is it normal to be distressed on the first step? "Then, we power up the devices responsible for dimensional travel. Once the co-ordinates are set and the power levels are nominal, we catapult you into the dimensional path we've created and bid farewell."

Catapult? Is there any part of this plan that I can agree with? Eh, nothing to do now but get it over with. I heave myself onto the table and strap myself in, reluctantly. Various instruments not covered in blood hover over me and energy hums through them as the brains telepathically input co-ordinates. Before I knew it, they turned to me, said 'farewell' and everything went crazy for a second as I was flung screaming back to my world.


	11. Chapter 11: Same Shit, Different Day

**And now, a letter from the author: ****Dear faithful fans. How are you? I am doing great. My sickness has cleared up pretty well. I'm just suffering the occasional cough now. As a forewarning, some small alterations in character my occur over the course of the story. It's only natural that over the course of interesting events, a man changes. Kenji Harima of School Rumble went from juvenile delinquent to manga artist. The Arbiter of Halo went from a faithful servant of the Covenant to a revolutionary, leading his people against the very society that betrayed them. And Luke Skywalker of Star Wars fame went from a simple farm boy to a jedi knight. So, I implore you, don't be frightened by anything you may perceive as 'OOC'. I still strive to keep the original personalities intact while bending them in a new direction. I thank you for your support and understanding. Much love-Gojira Destructicus P.S.: If you got trouble writing a story, just ride the flow of where you're going and change direction where you see fit.**

**Disclaimer: With Haruhi Suzumiya created by Nagaru Tanigawa, School Rumble created by Tite Kubo, the Halo series developed by Bungie and Star Wars conceived by George Lucas, what do I have to leave in my name? Plenty of things. You just need to look for them.**

**Chapter 11: Same Shit, Different Day**

It seems my brain comrades were right: I am unstable. Everything I saw in the tunnel caused me to jump to them when I so much as focused, only for to realise my mistake and jump pack in only a second. There were a lot of surprise glances at my sudden appearance, mainly by a couple of cave rats who scurried off quickly, both a distressed man and a unspeakably horrible beast who was in the middle of preparing to gut him, and weirdest of all, myself, in antiquated military uniform, turning around in his chair, jumping, fumbling for a pistol and screeching 'Was zur Holle?'

When I woke up, it was like I'd only fell asleep at my desk. I checked the outside. All normal. Safe to say this is my world, especially since a counterpart is nowhere to be seen. Still dark out there, though. Hopefully I'll be able to sleep tonight. But what if I dream? What if I get sent to another world in my sleep? Can I risk it? Can I…

* * *

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz….zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz….zzzzzzzzzzzzz…

Hack. Cough. Ugh, it's morning. Another day of school awaits. Banzai. Now, if I could just get up…something appears to be weighing me down. Not now, sis. I don't have time for your shenani-

That's odd, I never recalled my sister being so…metal…and heavy…and…chillingly cold. Crap…I know I'm going to regret this. Do I really want to see what's draped over my corpse today? I'll have to-not unless imouto-san finds me with whatever this is laying on top of me. Better take a peek then.

…what the hell is that? I thought I'd at least have some idea of what's lazing on top of me, but the only thing I can tell about it is that it's a hunk of metal. Not a fragment forcibly removed or blasted off of something. No, this is clearly some kind of component or device. It's about the size of a suitcase and looks like it plugs into something.

I can find out what it is later. Right now, I need to find a way to hide it so my sister won't find it. Carefully, I ease it off of me to a stable position while simultaneously sliding carefully out of bed. Once out, I try to lift it, but this thing is heavy. I'm going to need some help…let me see…I could try calling Koizumi. Sure, he may not look it, but I'm pretty sure he has the additional strength I need to haul this back. Until then, I just cover it with the sheets.

Exiting my room, I noticed my sister sleepily exiting hers. She greeted me with an 'ohaiyo' and went downstairs for breakfast. I followed after. Things were quite uneventful, until I'd split up with my sister on the walk to school. Satisfied no one else was in ear shot of my journey, I pulled out my phone and dialled Asahina. Why Asahina? Because, for all I know, that module could've been from the future. And she does know a fair bit about dimensional movement…at least, as far as I can tell.

"Hello?" she answered. It sounded like she was in a hurry, though I have no idea how far she has to travel to get to school, so that may well be the case.

"Mikuru, it's Kyon," I replied. I don't think I've ever called her 'Mikuru'. It's always been 'Asahina'. Well, I guess in situations like this, there's no time for formality. "I have a little problem on my hands."

"A problem?" she asked. "What is it?"

"I'm trusting you to pass this on to Nagato and Koizumi when you get the chance. Basically, when I woke up this morning, there was a large, metallic object on my bed," I explained. "It looks like it belongs in some kind of machine, but I don't know what sort. It's currently still on my bed, covered by the sheets, but I'd like to get it out of there as quickly as possible. Tell Koizumi and Nagato to meet up with me after school-and any tasks Haruhi may bestow upon us-so you can all help me get it out of there. The damn thing weighs a ton."

"Hai, I understand," she replied. "But if you want, I can notify my superiors and have them send someone to enter your home and take it back to my place. Your sister isn't home, is she?"

"No, she's going to school like me," I answered. "That solution would seem more preferable, but notify the others anyway. I'll see at school. See you later." Alright…now to take a breath. I'm not used to doing all the talking. I don't know how Koizumi manages it. Nagato's an alien and all, but Koizumi's still fairly human…

* * *

"So, Kyon," said Haruhi, leaning forward on her desk towards me. "What have you got?" I'd just arrived in class and taken my seat. Haruhi, as usual, was there before me.

"On what?" I asked. Haruhi's expression turned annoyed for a little bit before it all came back to me. "Ah! Yes. The fragment…well…" What do I say? Was it from a car? An aircraft? Or just tell her it has an unknown origin? You know what…I think I'll just say that last one. I'm feeling…bold. Let's see where this leads to. Sure, I might be playing with the fate of the universe in the process, but if the rest of my life is going to be like this, I might as well start having fun.

"I went through numerous theories," I began. "It didn't resemble any car part you'd find externally. Not from a truck, either, or a motorcycle. No land based automobile of any kind." Funny…I almost sound like I know what I'm talking about. "So, then I got to thinking 'what if it fell from an aircraft?' and felt that it might've fallen from a plane or helicopter. After doing vigorous scrutiny of various aircraft types, I concluded that it didn't come from any known aircraft."

Haruhi was now genuinely interested. "Do you think it might've fallen from an alien spaceship?" she beamed.

"Either that or an experimental aircraft design…" I pondered. "Maybe even some kind of flying time machine!" I said the last part in a highly exaggerated tone, complete with wiggling of the fingers. That's when something unexpected happened. Haruhi laughed. Did she actually find that hilarious? I mean, sure, I'm meant to be enjoying myself, but since when did Haruhi ever find anything I did funny?

"Hahahaha…ah, if only," she giggled. Regaining her composure, Haruhi gave me a pat on the back. "Well, good analysis Kyon." I think that's the first time she's ever complimented me. Maybe this slider path isn't so bad after all. Conditions are improving, I'm actually happier and Haruhi's actually becoming…pleasant.

Argh! Get your head back in the game, Kyon! You can't let your guard down so easily. This could be a fleeting moment of joy in your otherwise stressful life. You don't want your hopes shot down at a high point. Ease yourself in. Come out of your hole one centimetre at a time. At the first sign of trouble, you can duck back in. Caution, Kyon…use caution. You know what this girl is capable of.

* * *

The last class ended, but my time at school hadn't. As was customary, the SOS Brigade was to gather in their headquarters and centre of operation, the Literature Club Room. I'd gotten used to it by now. My legs pretty much carried me to the room like a train on a track. The path was clear, etched into memory and as familiar as the back of my hand.

As we came across, Koizumi was waiting by the door. I mouthed 'changing?' and he nodded. Not that Haruhi cared. She just threw open the door and entered, much to Asahina's surprise. Fortunately, I rapidly averted my gaze, waited for the door to close. With that surprise out of the way, I joined Koizumi in slumping against the wall and waiting patiently.

"How was your journey?" he asked. Hmm…how should I answer that? Guess I'll just talk about the brains.

"I went into someplace called 'the space between spaces'," I started. "It's populated by giant, floating brain-versions of ourselves. All very smart sounding, like they know what they're talking about. They helped me with some of my slider-issues by showing me the basic trick to it. The only catch was it's much more difficult to master outside the space between spaces…"

"As a man who also has the ability to cross spaces, I sympathise," said Koizumi. Got to hand it to him, he has his moments for all the irritation he causes me. "It took me quite a while to master the technique myself. Like I said, my first time was completely by accident. But, with the help of the agency, as well as the Integrated Data Entity and the future, you'll be fine. But, there is issue with the object you found…but that must wait until afterward."

Just as well he ended it there. Asahina opened the door, now that she was finished changing…into a skin tight, pink space suit with a large helmet that seemed too big to fit her head. She had the visor up. I looked her up and down with my mouth open.

"Mikuru, what in the hell are you wearing?" I dryly asked. There I go calling her Mikuru again. I think I've earned the privilege. In fact, I'm pretty sure I earned it a long time ago when I let people call me by my stupid nickname.

"Oh…this?" she said, awkwardly. "Suzumiya-san asked me to wear it. It's kind of tight…and this helmet is kind of big." That is sort of the catch of skin tight wear and bulky helmets. Although, it did show off her figure quite well…Haruhi made a nice choice.

"Maybe you should take that helmet off," suggested Koizumi. "You'll just bump into things." I saw him reach over and lift it off her head himself. Yeah, keep smiling you womanising bastard. Maybe I'll jam that helmet over your head…with hornets inside.

With her head liberated, Asahina went about making tea as Koizumi and I sat down. While it brewed, Nagato passed by and handed me something discreetly. I took it and saw it to be the metal fragment. That'd come in handy, especially as Haruhi began to address us.

"Attention, everyone!" she shouted across the room, from her desk with the computer. "As you all know, the other day, a metal fragment was found. Kyon?" I took my cue and placed it on the table. Thanks, Nagato. "Originally, when I found the object, I had dismissed it as a lost car part, but Kyon saw differently. Through his scrutiny, it is clear this fragment is neither of land nor any known aircraft." The remaining SOS Brigade members feigned astonishment…well, two of them did.

"The current theories-all Kyon's-are as follows," she resumed. "One claims it to be of alien origin, lost from a spacecraft. If not of extra-terrestrial origin, then it may also be from an experimental aircraft design. The last theory is that the fragment originated from an airborne time machine." Speaking of time travel, a certain lady from the future gave me tea. But, she also dropped a note in my hand.

What happened next was what truly caught me off guard.

"There are two things I'd like to do today. First of all, let us congratulate Kyon on his fine work deciphering the fragment." I suddenly found myself applauded. Even Haruhi clapped. For better or worse, I can't say for sure, but it looks like my life as a slider has taken me in an interesting direction. "Secondly," continued Haruhi. "If you have any of your own theories regarding this piece, don't hesitate to bring them forward."

Once again, the remaining Brigade members (save a certain alien) feigned thoughtfulness. In the meantime, I excused myself to go to the toilet. After I left the room, I opened Asahina's note and read. 'The package is secured, come by when you're ready.' The rest were directions to Asahina's place. I'm not listing them here for my own reasons.

* * *

Once our club meeting was adjourned, everyone split up…or so we led Haruhi to believe. In reality, we regrouped as Asahina led us to her apartment. It was located in a large building, similar to Nagato's. After a short elevator trip and a walk down the hall, we found ourselves in front of her door.

Asahina opened the door for us, and invited us in. It was humble and well kept place, tidy and peaceful. It kept a lot of the bare essentials: a couch, a television, a kitchen, a bed. With several bookshelves and tables thrown in for good measure, it was a very inconspicuous place.

One thing I wasn't prepared for was the presence of two men. They wore highly concealing clothing, their heads wrapped in cloth and their eyes shielded by sunglasses. Not a bit of skin showed through the layering they applied themselves. I was correct to assume these were the men responsible for retrieving my 'problem'. Asahina explained them to me and I was satisfied. She also told me they weren't going to talk unless required to, and were primarily here for both security and to haul out the module.

"Alright, Kyon," she said, turning to me. "I need you to visually confirm that this is what you wanted taken. Bring it out." The men nodded and opened her closet. There were several clothes in there, and I briefly wondered if I was supposed to be seeing this. But our escort, like true professionals, focused solely on their duty and, with little effort, pulled out the module. It looked exactly like how I left it.

"Oh yeah…that's it," I said. "Now…would any of you mind telling me what it is?"


	12. Chapter 12: In Space

**And now, a fatigued war journal entry from the author: ****September 11th, 2010. Sorry I haven't written for so long, but as the school term nears it's end, their attacks have increased. I just realised today is the the same day as the infamous 9/11 attacks. See how much all the relentless work has affected me? I can't even remember something that happened only a decade ago without seeing by chance the date September 11. I also forgot about August 6th, the day Hiroshima was engulfed by the nuclear fireball of Little Boy, and subsequent August 9th when Nagasaki suffered a similar fate from Fat Man. Despair has begun to erode my will a little as the final run to the holidays reminds me that I haven't seen my friends in a long time (or what feels like a long time...my perception of time is screwed up). It makes me sad, but these despair attacks pass. Because damn it, I am not kneeling before depression. I'm going to spit in it's eye, knee it's groin and make derogatory remarks about it's mother before I give in! There's only one more week then holidays. Two weeks of seeing my comrades. Two weeks of living the good life. And with only a negligible amount of homework...I hope. On to the chapter-I'm not sure how it turned out. Fatigue and all. Send me feedback. I can always edit the bastard later.**

**Disclaimer: Nagaru Tanigawa created Haruhi Suzumiya. Somebody give him a medal.**

**Chapter 12: In Space, No One Can Hear You Bitch**

Rather than go into the details of the conversation, I think it'd be better if I just gave you a brief summary. According to the 'experts' (that is, Nagato, Asahina and Koizumi), what I had was a module from another universe. No kidding, I thought Christmas came early. Asahina and Koizumi helped explain how it ended up on my bed. Apparently, due to my inability to control my abilities fully and Haruhi's continuing influence, we sucked it into our world by accident, much like the robot fragment.

Where it came from was confirmed with great help from Nagato. The object itself originated from space, in Earth orbit. Details on the world were, unfortunately, sketchy, meaning I'd have to find out for myself. Koizumi stressed the importance of returning this object, as failure to do so could result in increasing interdimensional instability. In addition to my usual tasks, I am now trusted to stop Haruhi's interactions with other universes from causing horrific damage.

Hence, why I now find myself attempting to navigate the shrieking tunnel that will lead me to this world. I've already made several wrong turns, surprising a group of armed men, narrowly avoiding a large machine taking off into the sky and briefly interrupting a conversation of my dramatic counterpart just as he said 'ludicrous' to Koizumi. But, both an inkling in my head and a natural attraction of the object towards a particular world eventually brought me to the right place.

The first thing I noticed was my weightlessness. My feet were dangling in the air and nothing was supporting me. The second thing that caught my attention was a window. There's nothing real unique about the window. It's circular; it's clear and appears normal. What caught my attention was what lay beyond. As far as the eye could see, there was blackness. Only the blue sphere of the Earth, which could mean one thing: I'm in space.

Or rather, I'm in a spacecraft or space station. Yeah, it looks like a space station, judging by the various interconnecting modules I can see beyond my window. Now all I had to do was figure out what the hell I'm supposed to do with this heavy SOB. Well, it would be heavy if there was any gravity to speak of.

Fortunately, I got to meet myself quickly enough as he passed through a hatch into the 'room'. He had basic clothing on, not what you'd expect when you're in space… nothing more than a white T-shirt and shorts. Needless to say, he was surprised. But he saw the logic in not making a racket. Effortlessly, he glided over and stopped himself before speaking.

"Would you mind explaining yourself?" he whispered. His eyes locked on the device I was carrying. A look of recognition crossed his eyes. Pointing at it, my counterpart spoke again. "Is that…is that the wormhole module?" he asked again. "How'd you get that? We lost it in an accident and it went spinning away into the depths! I thought it'd have burned up in the atmosphere by now!"

"Where to start…" I muttered, thinking how I'm going to explain this. "I'm basically just you from another dimension. Somehow, this 'wormhole module' as you call it ended up in my world. So, I've gone back to return it to you." After a brief pause, he nodded in understanding. "Well, that was easier than I thought. Now, what is this thing supposed to do?"

"You know what a wormhole is, right?" he asked me. I nodded. I knew what it was-a wormhole is similar to a black hole, but instead of leading to total oblivion, it's a bridge way to two different points in the universe. If humankind could find a way to harness this phenomenon, they could reach stars or even galaxies in a significantly shorter time than the vast distances required to cross. There are only two problems: one, we don't have the technology, and two, we have no idea what the hell happens in a black hole, let alone a wormhole.

"Well, if you know what a wormhole is, I'm guessing you've already got an idea of what this thing can do?" he continued. Oh, I had an idea alright. What had deposited itself on my bed was a device that could transport me light years in…well, I don't know how much time it takes. "This wormhole module is the pinnacle of human technology. We're scheduled to test it by fitting it to a space probe and sending it to Alpha Centauri, our nearest star (or rather stars, because Alpha Centauri is actually two stars in a binary configuration). If it works, mankind may finally be able to reach new Earths. The only problem is, no one knows what exactly will happen."

"That's the same problem back in my world…except we don't even know how to make a wormhole," I replied. "The closest means I have is my strange ability to traverse dimensions. And before you ask, yes, I'm a slider. I only found out recently."

My other self placed his hands on my shoulders. "Listen, I'm not going to ask about your ability if you don't want to talk about it. Besides, if you found out recently, you probably don't know much about it, do you?" I don't even understand the science and technology behind your wormhole module, but I'm not asking about that either. "But, if I could ask you for one thing, I need your help installing this thing."

"But…I'm no astronaut!" I protested. "How would I even know how to attach the damn thing anyway?"

"I'll walk you through it," my clone assured me. "We're already a member down from the accident. Asakura had to be sent surface bound due to impact injuries from the module flying off. Koizumi will be there to help us too. If you're worried about being found out by the crew, Nagato will be able to help us. Understood?"

"Hai," I acknowledged. Judging by the names thrown around, it looked like the rest of the SOS Dan was on this station. But one name struck me in particular. "This Asakura wouldn't happen to be Ryoko Asakura, would they?"

"Hai, why do you ask?"

"Oh, no reason…"

* * *

Eventually, we had become our own little group of conspirators. The only one who knew about me were my counterpart, Koizumi, Nagato and Tsuruya who was brought in to keep Nagato hidden after we left the airlock. Why hide Nagato? Because, technically, I was Nagato. In order to hide myself, I was masquerading as Yuki in a spacesuit. The tinted, polarised visor ensured to hide my face and the bulky suit wouldn't betray my male figure.

Roping all three of them in was surprisingly easy. Koizumi appeared to be quite a trusted companion of my counterpart, having flown many missions together. Nagato was also a trusted confidant, having noticed that there was no detected re-entry of the module and thinking something was up. And Tsuruya…she was just Tsuruya. Her agreement came out of her responsibility 'to maintain the stability of the crew'. I think that means 'to make sure no one goes crazy when they discover two Kyons'. That was pretty much the agenda of everyone, as well as to protect me.

However, there was a large amount of guilt as they were a close crew. But, the conspirators vowed to tell Haruhi and Mikuru-who would both be overseeing the operation from inside-once they returned to Earth. Until then, it was up to me to restore stability between our two worlds.

"Alright, suit up!" barked Tsuruya. I'd been hiding near the airlock for the time being. Once the mission was ready to commence, Nagato would walk into the suit bay and I would walk out while Tsuruya place her in a covert location. Nagato herself would be helping us also, using her superior technological skills to cover for my comm. transmissions. She would remotely fill in for me should anything be directed at 'Nagato'.

Three men exited the suit bay in large, white pressure suits. To everyone else, two men and one woman walked out towards the airlock. Although, walking isn't exactly an accurate description of our exit. Rather, we drifted out towards the airlock.

"Standby for depressurisation," said Mikuru, over the intercom. There was a hiss as the air was removed from our chamber. "Opening airlock." The door swung open and once we'd tethered ourselves to the station, we drifted out into the vacuum of space. Seeing it from outside the window was one thing, but when I looked at the Earth, the moon and the sun and the station from the outside, it was genuinely breathtaking. There wasn't a single sound but my breathing. For a cold, unforgiving cosmos, this was very tranquil.

The station itself was a sight to behold. It's all shiny silver exterior glinted from the sun's rays. The solar panels shone an Earthly blue, stretched out like several dozen pairs of wings. I briefly wondered if this was the International Space Station, but the design of this one was far more grand and complex. It was halfway between our current, modular stations built one segment at a time and the elegant, spectacular designs of science fiction.

"Nagato-san, do you have the module?" asked Koizumi. I held up the block-like device in question. "Good. Keep a good grip on it. We don't need to lose it again."

"That reminds me…" interrupted Haruhi. "How did you guys find it again?"

"It didn't drift far. We led a second op to retrieve it," replied Nagato. The remote intercom access had worked and Nagato had saved me coming up with an explanation. As we held on to the robotic arm that would bring us closer to the probe, my counterpart grabbed my shoulder and pointed at a machine attached to the station.

"There's our objective," he said. The probe was covered in reflective, gold-coloured plating with two large solar panels jutting out either side and a radio dish for transmitting back to Earth. "Make sure you don't lose the module. Just because it's tethered to you this time doesn't mean it can't find a way to escape."

"Yeah…we don't need it hitting you in the face, Yuki. Not like Asakura…" added Haruhi, grimly. "That was scary…"

"Yeah," agreed Koizumi. "Her visor was cracked. I was afraid it would break and compromise her suit. It's a good thing Kyon got her back in time…even if it was at the cost of the module."

"The important thing is we got it back now, Asakura didn't die and we can write a new chapter in human history once and for all," concluded my counterpart. "Mikuru, bring us in slowly."

"Hai," she said. The arm painstakingly brought us closer to our objective. Mikuru made the proper adjustments here and there to make sure we didn't go off course or collide with it too hard. While this was happening, thoughts went through my mind about this accident that had occurred with Asakura…I found it strange that I'd actually try to save her. Then again, she probably hadn't tried to kill me in this universe.

"Stop it there, Mikuru…this'll do nicely," said Koizumi. "Kyon, help me get the panel off so we can install the module." Both of them used the handrails on the probe to navigate their way to a particular portion of the machine. I just waited with the module in question. I never knew being so quiet could be so difficult. The temptation to speak, to ask questions was great, but keeping my presence secret was of more importance. I was greatly curious as to the different behaviour these versions of the SOS Dan members exhibited, but I chalked that up to this being a sensitive operation that required concentration and precision.

"I think I'm seeing some meteor activity. Keep an eye out for rocks," warned Asahina. The familiar nervousness had creeped into her voice. Definitely the tension of the operation suppressing their usual behaviour.

"Oi, careful with that Koizumi!" berated my counterpart. "I'm not going to swim through the vastness of space just to chase a missing panel! Hold on to the damn thing!"

"Apologies, my friend, the panel was stuck and I had to give it a bigger tug," replied Koizumi in his usual calm and suave manner. And although neither of us could see it, we just knew he was giving us that damned smile. "Nagato." His voice brought me back to the situation. "Go ahead and install the module." Well, here goes. Holding on to the module with one hand, I used the other to navigate the hand rails. But, things can never be simple for me.

"Ah! Alert! Alert! Meteor inbound!" said a panicked Asahina. We all looked around to spot the impending object. "Get out of there! Now!" I'll tell you, I found it…just in time to watch it destroy the arm holding us to the probe and smash through both my tether and oxygen line.


	13. Chapter 13: Star Woes

**And now, a phone call from the author:**** Hello friends! I finally updated! These holidays, I've been spending a lot of time to see my friends (and play Halo: Reach), so I've been a bit slack on the writing. To make matters worse, I'll be going back to school soon (sadly) which should further impede me. But I will try! I'm sorry if Kyon's time in each world becomes shorter and shorter, but I kind of run out of ideas of what to do there. I'll try to lengthen his stay in future. Keep informing me on anything that you don't find quite right or something you think can be improved. Otherwise, enjoy and review!**

**Disclaimer: Haruhi Suzumiya was created by Nagaru Tanigawa, not the other way around.**

**Chapter 13: Star Woes**

Well, I have good news and bad news. The good news is despite my oxygen line being severed, the suit has its own supply good for half an hour. The bad news is I'm tumbling out of control into the reaches of space with nothing to grab a hold of but the large module attached to my arm. I was briefed on the suit and told it had small rockets to help manoeuvre in space, but even my counterpart admitted that was a difficult enough feat. Especially when I'm being carried by momentum.

"Shit!" cursed my counterpart. I could hear the background chatter of Nagato talking with Haruhi and Mikuru, but I couldn't focus on it right now. Instead, I focused on trying not to get myself killed in the most horrific fashion...and out here, there are so many choices. "I'm going after him!" yelled my counterpart again.

"WHAT?"

That highly exclaimed 'what' was a culmination of everyone who wasn't space-Kyon involved in my dilemma. And yes, I called out too.

Before anyone could protest, though, he had launched himself after me with his tether still hooked to the station. He was coming in too slow. I'd be lost by the time he reached halfway. That's when he fired his rockets, to increase his velocity.

"KYON!" shouted Haruhi. "You idiot! We could've used the orbital shuttle! Why did you go jumping off like that?" Her usual bossy tone was present, but I detected something else. Either that or the momentum spinning me out of control was giving me a dizzy high. I wasn't too fussed either way, because at that stage I was still more concerned with avoiding a terrible death.

"There wouldn't have been enough time with the shuttle!" countered my…well, counterpart. "By the time we had it running and moving, we'd be retrieving a corpse! He only has half an hour of air supply!" Noticing the 'he' designation, I assumed my cover had been blown. The background chatter had revealed some words from Nagato explaining to Haruhi and Asahina the real deal. I only didn't notice it because of my current predicament. It's awfully hard to concentrate on something when your life is in mortal danger.

I closed my eyes and tried to keep calm. Just don't think about it-they're coming to get you and you'll be fine. So, I drifted, with the radio chatter mere background noise. At last, I felt hands grab me. Opening my eyes, I looked into a gold visor.

"Got you," said my counterpart. He re-angled me carefully so as to not throw off his momentum. "Haruhi, can you get Arm No. 3 in position to retrieve us?"

Haruhi gave no answer. Instead, the only indication was the robotic arm re-aligning itself to catch us. My counterpart then began to reel us in by his tether, after tethering me to the same line. Wouldn't want to get lost again, would I?

Once within distance, the robotic arm secured us and dragged us toward a nearby airlock. My counterpart set me inside, disengaged the module and attached it to his suit instead and released me from his tether. He then began to go outside the airlock.

"Where are you going?" I asked after him. It was kind of stupid to ask, because I knew already what he planned.

"I'm going to finish the job," he replied simply. The doors closed, and the last I saw of him was my counterpart reeling himself along the tether.

* * *

While Koizumi and my double finished installing the module outside, I found myself being helped out of the space suit by Tsuruya and Nagato. Eventually, I was brought before Haruhi, while Asahina watched over the operation. We were in what I gathered was the control room, as there were monitors of the operation all over the place. Judging by the look on Haruhi's face, she wasn't very pleased with this whole ploy.

"Hmm…you really do look just like him," she remarked. "From what I've heard, you're Kyon."

I nodded.

"Which is odd, considering Kyon is just outside the window working on our space probe," she said, gesturing to the monitors of the job in progress for emphasis. "Further information tells me you're from another dimension. Is this true?"

Again, I nodded.

"Do you speak? Are you mute?" she inquired, a bit irritated. Best not to resort to sign language then…

"Yes, yes, I can speak," I replied. "I'm guessing you want to know why I'm here."

"Among other things, yes," added Haruhi. "Tell me all that you can, about your world and what you're doing here."

Once again, I found myself forced yet again to explain myself. Maybe I should try practicing this speech in front of a mirror seeing as how often I have to give it. Haruhi listened intently, though her expression didn't lighten from the mildly annoyed look.

"Why didn't you just reveal yourself to us?" she finally asked. "Your existence is proof that wormhole travel, let alone interdimensional travel, is possible! You could've provided us with valuable information!"

"Well…I…I wasn't sure how you'd all react," I bluntly answered. "I didn't want to freak anyone out. Man's got to be careful about this you know."

"I suppose…" said Haruhi. Finally, she cracked a smile. "Whatever the case, it's good to see you here. Oh, and thanks for returning our module. Wouldn't know what we'd do without it!"

I returned the smile. "Just glad to keep the stability of our two worlds in check," I quipped. My gaze shifted back to the monitors and the work outside. It was a long and slow procedure. I let out a yawn.

"Tired, eh?" noted Tsuruya.

"Yeah," I confirmed. "Nearly getting lost in the reaches of space is a tiring experience. Don't suppose I could take a nap somewhere?"

Tsuruya grinned, revealing that one little fang that made her speech somewhat…different. "Right this way," she said, gesturing for me to follow.

* * *

"Wake up, or you'll miss the fireworks," said a familiar voice. My eyes flickered open to see the smiling face of Koizumi. I was still strapped in to my 'bed', as the zero gravity meant you couldn't lie down without worrying about drifting off somewhere. Koizumi helped to free me from my harness and I followed him through the station.

I went into the control room to find everyone else there. All the monitors had different angles of the space probe. Noticing my counterpart in the room, I came to the correct conclusion the module was installed and the probe was ready for launch.

"All couplings released, probe is on standby," stated Nagato. "Ready to launch on your go, commander." Something tells me the commander is going to be-

"Let's send her off, Yuki," said Haruhi. I knew it. Always the one in charge, no matter where you go. "Initiate launch sequence."

"Probe launch in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1…" counted Nagato. With a push of a button, a small rocket booster propelled the probe away from the station. Once it was a certain distance away, Nagato activated the retro rockets to give it a course correction. "Trajectory met. Activating main booster." Another button press and the probe was sent on its way away from Earth."

There was a longer wait for the probe to make it a certain distance away from the Earth. Koizumi explained that they had no idea what would happen when they activated the drive, and didn't want to risk local space. It was now at what they called a 'safe distance'-scientists had apparently agreed that if they did create a black hole, it would be unable to sustain itself for long and would collapse. Just to be safe, though, the probe was to activate the drive beyond the moon's orbit.

"Prepare to activate the wormhole drive on my mark," ordered Haruhi. Mikuru nodded and sat ready at her console. The monitors now displayed various cameras tracking the probe as well as the probe's own camera. By now, the space station was barely visible against the blue sphere of Earth, with the moon shining in the background.

"Mark."

Asahina typed in several commands into her console. Everyone watched and waited with baited breath. This probe was about to traverse great distances, about to make history. We all watched in anticipation…

Nothing happened.

"…"

"…something's not right." Koizumi noted. The probe had done nothing but continue moving. "Mikuru, did you enter the command properly?"

"Hai, I did!" said Asahina, retyping the command again and again in a panicked frenzy. "It's not responding!"

"Yuki, check the probe's status!" barked Haruhi. Nagato set to work examining the various readouts of the probe's condition. "Stop there." As per Haruhi's request, Nagato brought up the module's schematics. Part of it was flashing red. "There's an internal fault…damn it!"

"So…is there no way to activate it remotely?" questioned Tsuruya. "There still has to be a way to get it working. Do you know a way, Yuki?"

Scrutinising the problem, Nagato came up with a solution. "There is a way, but it is incredibly risky and there's a high likelihood of a fatality. But if you want to hear it, I've got a plan." She looked over all our faces. I can imagine that she saw our response was 'tell us'. "The module can't be activated remotely, but we could fire it manually. However, this will require one of us to catch up to the probe and activate the wormhole then and there. Another alternative could be to fix the module, but that will be extremely difficult."

"So, that's our only option then?" asked Haruhi. Nagato nodded. Haruhi sighed. "We can't go after it. It will be too costly and lengthy to chase after and fix it now. It's even too great to fire manually, and I'm not risking any of you for that. Guess we'll just have to let it go…"

"Or you can let me do it," I interrupted. All eyes turned on me, even my counterpart's. "You know how I got here; you know what I can do. If I can jump through dimensions, I should be able to also use that same ability to traverse distances. Get me a suit and I can jump to that probe and manually fire it. If I get sucked into the wormhole, it won't be a problem. I know my way through that sort of space."

I only wish I was as confident in my own abilities as my little speech made me out to be. In truth, I didn't even know if I could jump short distances using my dimensional power. And even if I could, I had no idea if it was possible for me to find my way back through the wormhole.

"That sounds like a good plan, but you don't know how to fix the module," said my double. "However, this is the best solution we've got, so I'll try and walk you through the procedure."

I nodded. "Get me a space suit," I requested. "Just don't expect me to bring it back."

* * *

As it turned out, I was capable of making small 'jumps' within a dimension. However, due to the more precise nature of these jumps, they required a bit more concentration and focus. Nonetheless, I emerged from interdimensional space holding onto the handles on the probe. Step one complete. Now all I had to do was fiddle with the module.

"Good to see you made it," crackled my double's voice on the intercom. "Got your tool kit on you?" I angled my helmet camera to the various items attached to my suit (so I don't lose them). "Good. Use the drill to unscrew the bolts holding the panel in place."

For this particular endeavour, I was using an experimental suit designed for long operations in deep space. It was quite large, about half as big as the standard suit, and held an air supply good for 2 hours. The crew were initially going to test it after the probe launch, but it looks like I got to try it out early.

I used the drill to carefully unscrew the bolts and stuck the removed items into a special compartment in my suit. Once done, I gently removed the panel and attached it to one of the hand grabs. Within was the large, grey module.

"Now, carefully turn the locking bolts and raise the cover. That should give you a clear opening to the insides of the module," instructed my counterpart. Holstering the drill, I then pulled out a screwdriver-like instrument and inserted the end into a hole. Gently, I turned it, moving the locking bolt aside. The locking bolts worked similarly to a latch, in that they prevented opening when turned into one position, but allowed it immediately after when turned to another. With the second bolt turned into the 'open' position, I raised the cover.

The circuitry inside was daunting, but my counterpart continued to walk me through it. "There…those two wires should be connected. Looks like either the accident with Ryoko or your tumble through space might've caused some internal damage," he explained. "Yuki says manual operation can be achieved by delivering an electrical charge to that circuit, upper right corner. Maybe those severed wires could come in handy."

My gloved hand gripped the wires. I used the other hand to hold one of them and brought them down towards the circuit. Sparks of electricity jumped from the wires to the circuit. I then noticed strange light being generated from the module. "You did it! The module is active!" said my counterpart, overjoyed. "Now get-of th—ore it-"

His transmissions became distorted as the wormhole generator sparked to life. Interdimensional space began to engulf both me and the probe. As I rode it through the shrieking vortex, an image of my world came into view: the room of Asahina that I had left to enter this world. Letting go of my ride, I adjusted my heading back home.


	14. Chapter 14: Behavioural Evolution

**And now, a song from the author: ****Please allow me to introduce myself, I'm a man of wealth and taste. I've been around for a-oh wait, that song's already been done. Damn. Ah well. Greetings friends! Once again I must apologise for the unfortunate delays that have plagued me. Fortunately, my exams are nearly finished and I'll have a long perod of awesome ahead of me. Today's chapter sees twists and turns...cliche sounding, I know, but it's true. Well, that's how it turned out for me. I was intially afraid if I was going out of character here, but then I told myself 'people are shaped by their experiences'. And when you have to spend the rest of your life as a slider, you might as well learn to enjoy yourself. As I have said before, read, review and enjoy. Now if you'll excuse me, I see a red door and must have it painted black...**

**Disclaimer: Haruhi Suzumiya was created by Nagaru Tanigawa. The songs referenced, 'Sympathy for the Devil' and 'Paint It, Black', are by The Rolling Stones. Now Gimme Shelter!**

**Chapter 14: Behavioural Evolution**

"…are you alright in there, Kyon-kun?" asked Asahina. Let me tell you, this suit is much heavier when there's gravity. The real pain is I'll have to return it…

"Well…I don't suppose you could flip me over until Koizumi and Nagato get here?" I requested, face down. It was unbelievably uncomfortable, and it had only made matters worse that I returned at 9:30 pm, so Koizumi and Nagato had already left. So I had interrupted Asahina, who could be wearing who knows what. I'm actually wondering if I should just dimension hop to another location…if I can do that. Is teleportation part of my powers?

A few minutes later, Nagato and Koizumi had sat me upright and everyone began the painstaking process of extracting me from the suit. It was really hot in there-I'd become dehydrated from sweat, so I was happy to accept a glass of water from Mikuru. After taking a gulp, I noticed everyone looked at me expectantly. No doubt they wanted me to tell them what went down. I obliged.

"Only real thing left to do is return the suit…" pondered Koizumi.

"Returning the suit is not a major priority," added Nagato. "The module was only important due to its ability to generate portals in space-time. This feature could've potentially threatened the stability of dimensional network. The suit, on the other hand, does not possess any potentially harmful properties to the dimensional network."

"There's a whole network of dimensions, eh?" I asked. "Perhaps you could've shared this knowledge with me earlier…it'd probably be helpful."

"Admittedly, our understanding of the network is scarce," explained Koizumi. "We've only learned so much due to our respective factions shared concern about dimensional stability and the recent attacks by interdimensional beings we've encou-"

"Wait a minute!" I interrupted. Did he say 'attacks'? When did this start happening? "I was never aware of any attacks…"

"The recent dimensional tampering on Suzumiya-san's part has resulted in clashes between worlds…" solemnly stated Asahina. "This is why you have to uphold the stability of the network! These skirmishes could be just the beginning. The dimensions may begin to interfere with one another, causing cataclysmic anomalies in either world. If left unchecked, the two worlds could either merge, which will reek havoc on the internal structure of both or will result in the destruction of one…or even both. Whatever the case, people will die…we can't just let that happen."

They could've told me this before…it seems my life as a slider was becoming more and more laden with responsibility. I need some rest. This is all too much to take in right now. A good night's sleep…that's all I need.

"I'd probably best be headed home." Standing up, I took a stretch before turning to leave. Or I would have if Mikuru hadn't grabbed my arm and nearly made my heart stop.

"You can stay here for the night if you want!" she nervously offered. Ignoring the possible look of amusement on Koizumi's face (he has his eyes closed half the time, so it's hard to tell), I awkwardly faced Asahina. It didn't help that all she was wearing was a pink night gown.

"Uh…really?" was all I could muster. Yeah, I'm real classy when it comes to talking to beautiful women. "I mean…are you sure about this? I don't want to cause any trouble for you…" Ah, there's the clichéd dialogue. I was wondering where it had wandered off to.

"Oh no, really! It's fine!" insisted Mikuru. Looks like she's fallen victim to the cliché bug too. But it was fairly obvious both of us found this extremely awkward.

After considering her offer, I reached two problems, one with a possible fix, the other being a bit more difficult. "It'd be nice to stay, but I'd have to call my sister to let her know I'll be staying at a friend's place. I'm also going to need a uniform for tomorrow." I sure as hell can't just go waltzing up to school looking an everyman.

"I can fix your uniform problem," suggested Koizumi. "I'll contact the agency and see if they can bring you a spare."

"I'm all good with that…" I said, turning on my phone and preparing to call imouto-san. "So, Mikuru…where am I going to sleep?"

* * *

Turns out it was the couch. I can't complain. It's not everyday you get to sleep over at the home of a beautiful woman. Or walk to school with her.

Which is what we're doing now. Koizumi's friends managed to sneak in the spare uniform without us knowing, considering I only knew of it when I saw it neatly folded on a table this morning. As for breakfast…let's just say Asahina is a woman of many good qualities. Maybe I should try staying over again some time…

But, as we made our way up the mountain of a hill that led to school, I quickly became aware of a factor I hadn't anticipated: implications. When you see a man and woman walking together, it's easy to assume they are a couple. Particularly if both are young and if you're like Mikuru who is the shy and timid type-that's when you start to draw stares. Suddenly I became aware of whispered conversations, jealous glances and amused looks.

And of course, that jack arse Taniguchi had to be there.

"Well, well, well…" he said to us, with a very smug and annoying expression on his face. "I didn't think you had it in you, Kyon." Go to hell.

"What? We're just walking…" I replied. Got to keep my cool, suppress any urges I have of hitting the son of a bitch. He's just trying to make me uncomfortable…and the way my life has been since meeting Haruhi, that word has lost all meaning.

"Kyon, you don't just go walking to school with a girl out of coincidence. There's something going on." He began to wink at me, which I found kind of annoying.

"I find your constant winking annoying," I said. It seems I've become more prone to speaking my mind than before. "If you ask me, I think you're just bummed because you can't get a girl yourself."

It was too late to think if that was the right or wrong thing to say…but it shut him up. Taniguchi struggled to find a comeback line, but his mouth just flopped open and closed like a fish. Eventually he gave up and just walked away…easy as that. Holy shit, did I just get the power to make people bug off?

Probably not, but if I can get rid of Taniguchi like that, I can stop the staring crowd. "What?" I asked of them. Immediately after, they all just looked away and continued their march up the hill.

By then, I noticed Asahina was looking at me in a strange way. "You're going to look at me like that too?"

"Ah, no. I didn't mean to stare," she answered, smiling. "I just thought it was a bit odd the way you acted." Odd…yeah, I have begun to notice subtle changes in my behaviour. Maybe my slider lifestyle is shaping me into something different.

I like it.

* * *

"Is there a reason I saw you and Mikuru walking up to school together?" asked an irritated Haruhi. And a sunny good morning to you too. Nothing like walking into the classroom and taking a seat only to be on the receiving end of Haruhi's disdain. I began to run through things in my head as to what got her disgruntled.

"We're in the same club, we go to the same school, we're quite friendly with one another…" I listed off various reasons hoping to satisfy Haruhi. Needless to say, they failed.

"You know, usually when a boy and girl walk together to and from school like that, they're in a relationship," she countered. "Besides, Mikuru's quite appealing to guys like you, isn't she? Quite pretty and kind…" Wait, is she jealous? Why the hell would Haruhi Suzumiya be jealous? I thought she didn't care for any of that relationship crap. But as I analysed her words, I found a flaw in her logic. Almost automatically, I exploited it.

"Well, the image a boy and girl walking together does give off the impression of a couple," I started. "But, I recall several times you and I have walked together." I couldn't help but smirk, especially at Haruhi's reaction of surprise. In fact, I could've sworn I saw her blushing before she looked away.

"Well…I guess…when you put it that way…" she stuttered. It didn't take long to regain her composure. "Ok, so maybe I'm jumping to conclusions…" Funny…I was kind of expecting her response to be 'shut up!' but instead I get the closest I've seen to resignation by Haruhi.

* * *

When lunch time hit, I told Haruhi I'd nab a drink before I joined her in the clubroom. At the vending machine, I ran through the choices. One of my choices would be to bugger all and get a drink of water free of charge. As I went through the list, Koizumi joined me from out of nowhere. The man's like a ghost.

"If you're trying to sneak up on me, you've failed," I informed him.

He let out a chuckle. "Would you really think I'd such a thing?" he asked. YES. It isn't hard to imagine. "Now, before you ask why I'm here-"

"What made you think I was wondering why you were here?" I interrupted. "You want to talk, grab a drink and we'll go to the usual spot."

If you've ever wondered what the usual spot is, it's the outdoor table where Koizumi first explained to me he was an ESPer. What business he had to discuss with me now I could only guess. With this in mind, I took a drink of the coffee I'd bought and gestured for him to proceed.

"I've come to discuss various observances I made of you in recent times," he began. "You've undergone a little bit of a behavioural change, not radically different, but still of note." He's noticed too, huh? I guess it isn't that hard to detect. "No doubt, you should be aware of these changes yourself. But what I'd like to talk about is how it has affected Suzumiya-san." Ah, here we go, can't have a conversation with Koizumi without mentioning Haruhi.

"Well, don't leave me guessing, because I seriously have no idea how my behaviour is influencing Haruhi," I told him. "What's happened this time? An army of those giants? A black hole? Another giant cave cricket?" Well, there's another change to note, though I'm pretty sure I've had it for a while: I'm no longer fazed by the prospect of abnormal activity. Then again, I've had to destroy a giant robot and manually cause a space probe to jump into the infinite.

"Not exactly…" answered Koizumi. "It's more a change in her perception of you. You see…" Oh great, here comes the lengthy and detailed explanation, designed to drag the conversation on for as long as possible. The hell I'm having any of this!

"Spare me your lecture, Koizumi," I interrupted. "Just tell me what I need to know. If I want to hear a lengthy and detailed explanation, I'll ask Nagato to teach me physics." And the likelihood of that happening is the same as my life returning to normal.

Koizumi's usual smile broadened, which only gave me further irritation. "In short: she's become fonder of you," he finished. I'm going to admit, I didn't see this coming. Haruhi is FOND of me? That'd be like a nuclear test mannequin being fond of the large atomic fireball vaporising their home in the Middle of Nowhere, Nevada, USA. It just doesn't happen.

"…you're shitting me, aren't you?" I asked. No way is he serious. This is a big joke. He's just abusing the trust I put in him to inform me of important crises. Surely-

"Contrary to what you might believe, I am 100% serious my friend," he responded. This can't be happening. What does he even mean by 'Haruhi is fond of me'? Is it like the fondness a person shows their pet? Or is it more of a friendship thing? Maybe even…hell no, I'm not going there. That last one just seems even more impossible.

* * *

In the afternoon, I remained behind with my colleagues in the clubroom. Slowly, one by one, they all began to leave. Eventually, this left me all alone with Haruhi. And for the first time in a while, I was genuinely scared. If Haruhi was fond of me, then what will happen? How is it going to affect me? Is this going to cause her to really screw the world over?

"Kyon," spoke a familiar voice. I jumped a bit. I'd been so caught up in my thoughts, that I hadn't noticed Haruhi approach me from her usual seat at the computer. I turned in my chair to face her while she pulled a seat for herself. "Can I…" She seemed lost for words for a moment, her eyes looking off to the side. In fact, if I didn't know any better, I'd swear she looked nervous. I really don't like seeing these new things. They are strange and scary. Jumping into another dimension is actually becoming an…appealing choice.

It seemed Haruhi found her words as she then finished what she had to say. "Can I ask something of you?"

"Go ahead," I said, barely containing my fear. What does she want this time? I don't like the unknown. It can seem intriguing and fascinating from afar, but when you find out the truth, it can be terrible and horrifying. Why am I rambling on like this? This must be my way of coping with fear…just keep rambling in your head…

"I don't suppose sometime…" she began to ask before pausing, even blushing slightly. Now I'm REALLY scared. Haruhi doesn't blush. She never acts like this. What's going on? "…you'd like to go out sometime? Just the two of us?"

Inside my head, a man was screaming.


	15. Chapter 15: The Awkward Date

**And now, a warning label from the author: ****Caution-this chapter may contain varying levels of awkward (or lack thereof). It also may contain alterations in character, large time jumps and Hitler. Effects may vary from person to person. Side effects include addiction to the story, reading the other chapters and subsequent reviewing. Keep out of reach of children. Do not use if sane.**

**Disclaimer: Haruhi Suzumiya is the creation of Nagaru Tanigawa. Godzilla (AKA Gojira) is the creation of Toho. Adolf Hitler and the Nazi party are the creation of all the worst of man. And Stalin? Screw you Stalin.**

**Chapter 15: The Awkward Date of Haruhi Suzumiya (and Kyon)**

PLEASE tell me this isn't happening. This is all just a freaky arse dream, right? Or I'm still in an alternate world! Yeah! Oh, who am I kidding, I'm the only Kyon in this world. This is either a dream, a nightmare or real.

For the curious who wondered what my response was, I didn't have much of a choice. I agreed for fear of unleashing a horrific fate upon the world. This decision was carried out half-aware and half-autonomously. Now, I find myself lying in bed, wondering how the hell I'm going to survive this. Who knows what insanity Haruhi will have planned? She'll probably ask me to search the sidewalk for more 'alien' fragments.

Oh good…I have a phone call. That'll help me take my mind off things. Well, unless it's Haruhi. But it's just as likely one of my fellow brigade members. Better get this over with.

"Hello?" I answer, without checking the caller ID.

"Hi, it's Koizumi," answered the caller. "Just thought I'd check how you're doing. When did you say your date with Haruhi was?"

"Saturday," I sighed. "Just a few days from now." What would happen in those few days between? More interdimensional journeys? As if I didn't have enough to worry about.

"Relax, you'll do fine," reassured Koizumi. I find it kind of sad that he's supporting this whole thing. Not for him, but for me: how is telling me to relax and saying I won't screw up help? There's no guarantee that will work! It'd be like the Japanese military trying to stop Godzilla! It isn't going to do shit! "I must say, I kind of envy you. Suzumiya-san is quite a catch."

"Well then, would you like to go instead?" I joked. Not something I usually do, but then again I haven't been my usual self lately. "I'd gladly let you rummage through the trash for anything that might seem extraordinary."

All's I got was a laugh and a goodbye. Thank you Koizumi, I guess I'll just have to sleep it out…

* * *

The days went by without incident for once. And that put me on edge. No crazy Brigade activities. No dimensional disturbances. It's like Haruhi cleared my schedule up until D-Day. D-Day…I like the ring to that.

All I really knew about today was that I'd meet Haruhi at the usual place for our city-wide searches and that she had everything else planned out. My confidence metre was empty. It's hard to be confident when you don't know what to expect. I can't tell you how many times I contemplated jumping to another dimension.

"Heh…you're late," said a grinning Haruhi. "I won't penalise you, but do learn to be more punctual in future." I couldn't help but smile back-it's not often she has this playful side to her. I've got to say, while Haruhi was only wearing casual clothing like myself (I only bothered with a generic T-shirt and some pants), she still found ways to look good. She had a red, knee-length skirt (similar to the one on the girl's school uniform) and a white T-shirt which only revealed itself through her open tan jacket. Simple, but lovely.

And I know what you're all thinking. This is where I reprimand myself for even thinking like that. And yes, there is a part of my brain screaming at me to think of what I'm saying. But to hell with it; if I'm going to be stuck on this date, I might as well enjoy every little detail I can find.

"Are you sure you were alright planning things out for us, Haruhi?" I asked. Ok, fun time's over, now I've got to learn what tedious task I'm to be assigned. Brace yourself, Kyon. The part of my brain previously berating me was now saying it told me so. Eh, the price was worth it I suppose.

"You needn't worry Kyon! I've got the whole day planned out," she assured me. "But before I go over it, let's get some ice cream. I'm hungry and I can't elaborate with an empty stomach." Now that she mentions it, I'm a bit hungry myself.

* * *

I got chocolate, by the way. I like chocolate. Chocolate is good. And it seems Haruhi likes it too, because we both ended up sitting down with a chocolate ice cream each. I paid, of course-the penalty for being late (again). Yet again, I found myself on the very bench Mikuru explained she was a time traveller. This time, it felt a lot more awkward though; I wasn't exactly on a date with Mikuru.

"Now then," spoke Haruhi, between licks at her ice cream. "I've got three things I'd like to do today." Here we go. What crazy errands will I have to run? "First of all, there's something at the museum I'd like to show you." Wait, what? You mean I'm NOT going to have to look throughout the city for objects of interest? "Then I thought we'd do a bit of karaoke. It beats the hell out of listening to the modern crap they have today!" You mean this is seriously a proper date? No strings attached? "And lastly, there's a neat spot I found which I'd like to show you."

I was speechless. This just wasn't like Haruhi at all. Could my altered behaviour be reacting with her in some way? Man, where is this leading to? I'm getting a bit nervous now.

"Oi, Kyon." I was interrupted in my thoughts by Haruhi. "You might want to eat your ice cream, before it melts all over you." She gave an amused grin at the thought, prompting me to continue devouring my ice cream.

* * *

Our first destination was the museum. The first thing I noticed was the imagery at the entrance, which further hinted at what Haruhi wished to show me. Today, there was an exhibition on the Second World War, in particular the European Front. This further raised questions as to what caught Haruhi's eye; what was so interesting to her from the bloodiest conflict of all time?

After gaining admittance, Haruhi led the way. I looked around at the various antique weapons, vehicles and uniforms on display. It was unique-most Japanese would be more familiar with artefacts from the Pacific Theatre. I knew about the Nazis and their attempted conquest of Europe, but never really got a good look at what they used. The same went for the USSR; seeing the tanks of these two opposing sides made me imagine what kind of menacing face-offs these war machines would've had on the field of battle.

"This way, Kyon!" urged Haruhi. "We'll have time to look over the rest later." I continued to follow her up until we came before a large rocket. It was propped on its side and had a black and white colour scheme, laid it similar to a chess board. The top half had two black bands and two white bands running vertically down, while the lower half had bands of the opposite colour meeting them. At the end was the engine, surrounded by four fins. A nearby description identified it as a V-2 rocket.

"V-2…I think I remember reading something about that," I pondered.

"Well, it was essential to starting the space program," replied Haruhi. "The Germans originally used it as a long-range ballistic missile against the allies. After their defeat, both the US and Soviets captured some of the rockets for their own purposes. From the tests they undertook, two iconic Cold War projects began: the goal to develop long-range missiles to carry nuclear warheads and the space program."

Yeah, that's right…without it, Sputnik 1 would never have made orbit, Yuri Gagarin would never become the first man in space and Apollo 11 wouldn't reach the moon. The V-2 was most certainly an innovative design. Was this what intrigued Haruhi? The very device originally utilised for war that ended up fulfilling mankind's dream to explore the stars?

"You remember that metal fragment we found?" she asked. I nodded in acknowledgement. "After you suggested it could be from some sort of experimental aircraft or the like, I began researching. That's how I found out the museum had a V-2 here for an exhibition." So THAT'S why she brought me here. "I found a lot of strange projects they worked on while I was researching. Not just the Germans, mind you, but from the Soviets, US, British-and not just from the Second World War!" Call me crazy, but I think a warm feeling passed through me at seeing how cheerful she was. I couldn't help but smile.

* * *

Our journey through the museum mainly consisted of us examining the various remnants of the Great Patriotic War (as the Soviets called it). The machines and tools of battle filled us both with awe and grim lamentation. Many of them were wonderfully crafted for the time, from the iconic German MP 40 submachine gun to the mighty Soviet T-34 tank.

But, our discussions ultimately led to the terrible battles they fought. The Soviet Union suffered the most casualties out of all the combatants of the war. And when you look at the battles they fought, like the Siege of Stalingrad, it isn't that hard to believe. And when we looked at the pictures of the men who fought, German and Soviet, I couldn't get over how young they were. I could've been one of them.

In the midst of our browsing, a pistol caught my eye. It was of an interesting form, quite exotic in appearance. The description called it a 'Mauser C96'. It saw service in the First World War and continued to be used into the Second. I took another look and couldn't help but be…entranced.

That's when the images started going through my head. All familiar…because I'd seen them in this museum! I saw tanks rolling across hills, blasting one another, artillery guns launching their lethal payloads, ranks of soldiers marching. Then the more specific imagery came. The familiar form of an eagle clutching a swastika flashed by, followed by a red flag with a hammer and sickle. Finally, two familiar men appeared before me: Hitler and Stalin.

"Oi, Kyon, you alright?" I was snapped out of my trance by Haruhi. "You've been looking at the pistol for a long time now. I know it's an interesting looking weapon, but there's still more to see! And we don't want to be late for karaoke!"

"Ah…right," I answered. There was one other time when that image flash occurred, and that was with the metal fragment. Something tells me I'm not going to like my next universal errand…

* * *

Once the karaoke session had passed, three things were proven. The first was that Haruhi is excellent at singing, if the performance she gave at the culture festival hadn't already indicated that. Secondly, she was more than capable of singing in English. Half the songs she picked weren't even Japanese. Lastly…I still need some work on my voice. By the time we walked out, I felt embarrassed and humiliated by my own lack of vocal talent. But, as Haruhi put it (in a surprisingly helpful gesture), practice makes perfect.

We were now headed toward a more hilly area near the outskirts of the city. Haruhi was leading me to the last part of this date (or whatever you'd call it). One final thing she wanted to show me. The path up hill was more strenuous than my usual way to school, but perseverance prevailed in the end. Haruhi led me over to a nearby railing.

Then it became clear why she wanted to show me this spot. Beyond the railing was a breathtaking view of the city. It almost had a romantic feel to it…wait…romantic? Romantic? Haruhi doesn't do romantic! She hates romantic! Maybe I really have stepped back into the wrong world!

"Pretty neat, eh?" said Haruhi. "You can see the whole city from here. I like it. It reminds me of what I've been doing: searching. But seeing that rocket made me think…some of the greatest things were accomplished because people made it happen." She turned towards me, and I awaited her next action. Is this the build-up to some sort of confession? She's got the right spot, the right mood, I don't see why not.

"That's why I've decided: we're going to expand our club activities to DOING the extraordinary," she finally said. THAT'S why she showed me this? "As you can see from here, searching means covering a LOT of ground. So, if we can't find the fun stuff, we'll just have to make it ourselves." I should've known. This is Haruhi Suzumiya we're talking about. Her definition of a 'date' would obviously be different. But I couldn't help but be relieved. At least things wouldn't be as awkward anymore.

* * *

As we made our ways home, the two of us talked all the way, discussing the events of today, the Second World War and the great achievements of history. But, all good things must come to an end. Yes, I called it good. It was an enjoyable experience, not something I'd generally use to describe my past involvement with Haruhi Suzumiya.

"My place is down that way," said Haruhi, as she pointed toward a street. "I had a lot of fun today, Kyon. Thank you."

"No problem. It was a lot of fun for me as well," I replied. "I guess I'll see you la-"

My body's locked up. Why can't I move my arms and legs? What's this fading sensation on my cheek? Haruhi's turned and is running down the street to her place. What did she do to me? Ok, think Kyon, think…you were about to say goodbye and then…

And then she kissed you on the cheek.

Haruhi Suzumiya. Kissed me. On the cheek.

The man in my head is screaming again. I think I'll join him.


	16. Chapter 16: 763x25mm

**And now, a drug-induced hallucination from the author: ****Hello! If you are receiving this, then you're either a faithful reader of my story or high off your tits. I know I usually include a message involving my status, the story's status and some hallucinogenic mumbo-jumbo, but I have no such qualms this time. All's I've got to say is I'm having a helluva of a good time writing this story! No Nazi-land yet, but rest assured, we will be arriving in Fascist territory shortly. For now, just watch the clocks melt and the floor wobble as your drugs take effect.**

**Disclaimer: In case you're STILL not sure after 16 bloody chapters, Haruhi Suzumiya was created by Nagaru Tanigawa. Godzilla and Mothra were created by Toho (and nuclear weapons).**

**Chapter 16: 7.63x25mm**

I can't calm down. Everything's gone crazy. If going out on a date with Haruhi Suzumiya (and ENJOYING it) wasn't enough, now she's kissed me. And this isn't like that time in Closed Space. She did this on her own will. The world as I've known is going out the window.

I should try and calm down, really. After all, this is a big step for Haruhi. My real concern is me: I am currently locked in a struggle within my head over whether I've fallen for Haruhi or still maintain my cautious outlook. Yes, the day was enjoyable. Yes, that kiss did set off quite a few hormones. But is it going to change anything?

I think I'll sleep it off.

So much for sleeping it off; I dreamt of that time Haruhi locked us both in closed space. Is my mind screwing with me? Is it trying to send a message? The hell if I know. Back then, I only kissed Haruhi because it was key to saving the world as I knew it. But looking over it, quite a few disturbing revelations about myself have come to light.

I guess you could call it something like a repressed memory. At the time I woke up from it, I didn't pay much thought to what transpired. Rather, I didn't want to think on it. But, with recent events, like a nuclear submarine, it has resurfaced. And so I find myself forced to step up and face it, unable to avoid it no longer.

Ironically, the moment I resign to my fate is the moment my phone chooses to ring. I open my desk drawer where I left it last night and, due to having just awoken, don't bother checking whose calling. I might as have been playing Russian Roulette.

"Hello…" I groggily answer.

"Ohayo, Kyon!" Oh shit. Haruhi. Why did it have to be Haruhi? "How'd you enjoy yesterday?" It would've been odd to me that Haruhi Suzumiya was actually interested in my opinion, but these days, I wouldn't be surprised if Godzilla himself rose from the ocean and did battle against Mothra.

"Ah…I enjoyed it a lot, thank you," I answer. Out of courtesy, I decided to ask. "Did you enjoy it?"

"Sure did!" she replied. Just keep suspending your disbelief Kyon. There should be WAY more room for crazier things. "Anyways, I also called because there was something else I'd like to clear up with you."

"Oh, really? What might that be?" Hopefully it will be a rationalisation of why she kissed me yesterday. Be it hormones or a spur of the moment kind of thing, I just prayed that Haruhi would do her usual rationalising of her actions.

I was disappointed.

"I'd appreciate it if you didn't speak about the events of yesterday with anyone," she put bluntly. "Not to deny I had fun or anything, I just feel that it's OUR memory; No one else's, just ours. Other people have no business there. But you can talk about it with the other Brigade members, as long as they obey the same rules. Got it?"

That just left me only two ways to reach closure: the dangerous path of asking Haruhi herself, or seeking the wisdom of my fellow Brigade members. I opted for the latter. "Wakarimashita."

"Good. Now that that's out of the way, I'll leave you to enjoy your Sunday however you wish," said Haruhi. "See you tomorrow!" And with that, she hung up. Great…three people I can possible talk to it about. Yuki wouldn't understand human relations too well, Mikuru's female logic may tell me things I'd rather not know, and Koizumi? Screw you, Koizumi. You'd just make wisecracks and snide remarks about my situation.

As I go to put my phone back in the draw, it comes to my attention there's something else in there. Curious, I rest the phone on the table and reach in to pull it out. Immediately, I am aware of not only what I'm holding, but EXACTLY what I'm holding.

It's a handgun. A pistol; the German Mauser C96, just like the one I saw at the museum. Inspecting it, I notice several swastikas etched into the side. Kill markers, perhaps? With a growing dread, I realise where it came from and where I must go.

Against my better judgement, I'm calling Koizumi.

* * *

In order to give myself the ample amount of time I may require to accomplish my task, I told my sister I'd be going to Koizumi's…hence why I'm cycling towards there. The Mauser concerns me, as I checked it and confirmed it was loaded with most likely were live rounds. Not only that, if anyone finds out I have this in my bag the police will be all over me in minutes.

At long last, I reach Koizumi's and make my way up to the floor of his apartment complex and reach his room. About three seconds after I'm done knocking, he answers the door. He was clearly expecting me. My eyes are immediately drawn to the striped, wool sweater he's wearing. It just looks…atrocious. What is wrong with you, Koizumi? You always gave off the image of a man of sophistication.

"Ah, welcome Kyon," he greets, with that damning smile of his. "Do come in and make yourself at home."

"Thanks," I answer. Stepping in, Koizumi's apartment bears no interesting features; much like Asahina's only more male orientated. The only real apartment of interest I've ever seen is Nagato's, and that's because there's barely anything there. At my 'host's' request, I take a seat in front of a small table while he sits down opposite of me. He prepared some tea beforehand, so I decide to indulge myself (again at his insistence). Clearly, Koizumi is not nearly as skilled as Asahina in the tea brewing field.

Finishing a sip of his tea, Koizumi places his cup back on the table and looks me in the eye. "Did you bring it?" he asks, his usual smile fading momentarily, replaced by a serious look. I nod and place the firearm on the table. Koizumi takes the opportunity to pick it up and examines it.

"Ah, Mauser C96, made in Germany…7.63x25mm, looks to be the M712 Schnellfeuer variant. Selective fire. Good to see you were able to disengage the safety before you got here. It'd be a major problem if I were to accidentally fire it while handling."

"When did you become such a gun nut?" I asked. The only Koizumi I'd expect to talk like this is the one from the MG universe. He's beginning to sound a lot like my counterpart from that world as well.

Koizumi smirked in response to my question. It wasn't his usual grin either…he held quite a bit of pride behind this one. "In spite of our ESP powers, members of the agency need to know how to take care of themselves in the real world. As a result, we're all trained in the art of combat," he explained. "Because: you never know when we need to take action outside of closed space."

Seems there's a lot I still don't know about my fellow members…well, Koizumi anyway. It's kind of hard for me to see past his irritating smile.

"Those swastika markings on the side…I think they might be kill marks," I point out. Koizumi turns the pistol in his hands to examine the small, carved swastikas. He lowered the pistol in his lap, looking thoughtful.

"They do indeed look like kill markers," he elaborated. "But this pistol saw use primarily by the German Wehrmacht in the Second World War. Usually, kill markers of your enemy feature the iconography of your enemy or some other symbol that represents a kill. Now, this German pistol, with Nazi iconography, implies either that a German used his own faction symbol to mark his kill or this weapon was captured by the Soviets or one of the other allies, and every kill made with it was marked by a swastika."

"I'm sure I'll find out soon enough when I get there," I sighed. I knew I'd be going to a difficult place. Nazis aren't exactly the friendly type. "Is there any kind of protective gear I could wear under my clothes?"

"All the agency can offer is simply the BDUs utilised by modern day soldiers, as well as the Kevlar jackets used by the police," he explained. "But, I'm sure if you ask Asahina-san to temporarily lend you an advanced one from the future or ask Nagato-san to modify an existing BDU, you can get some more advanced materials.

I frowned. If I'm going to go into these situations, I should really prepare myself well. Then a thought occurred. "I know exactly who can give me the protection I require."

* * *

Once more, I found myself in the space between spaces. I quickly found myself face to brain with one of the local denizens of the area. I didn't know it was Asahina-brain until she spoke.

"Welcome back, Kyon," she greeted, in her usual informative tone. "I detect you're looking for protection on your travels?" Ah, I almost forgot their telepathic ability to read my thoughts. Since my words would probably be predicted, I simply nodded while thinking 'yes please'.

"Unfortunately, we cannot send things created in the space-between-spaces beyond it," she stated. "However, you should also possess the ability to draw objects from other universes. For example, if you needed this body armour you sought, simply think of a universe where you could find it, locate an armoury and transport it from that world to your body. It may take some practice, but it'll work."

"Won't the objects I bring back have an impact on the flow of things?" I asked.

"Not necessarily," answered Asahina-Brain. "You see, there are two ways objects can pass between dimensions: controlled and uncontrolled. In controlled cases, such as your ability to 'summon' objects from other worlds, the concerned items are sent through a controlled path that doesn't impact with interdimensional stability. However, uncontrolled objects are the problem, as their wild trajectories can cause them to interfere with a dimension's stability. It's kind of like missiles and rockets. Missiles are often guided and so will hit a specific target, while rockets are generally unguided and can cause unintentional collateral damage."

I kind of got it. Basically, if the object had been transported without my doing so, it was a threat. The wormhole generator had unexpectedly appeared on top of me when I awoke after being flung through the vast reaches of space and beyond. And now the Mauser appeared in my drawer…I felt another question coming, which was immediately answered when Asahina-Brain picked it up.

"The unguided objects are attracted to you for a reason: your slider abilities," she further explained. "That's why they always end up close to you." But then what of the Teddybot fragment? "That's quite a mystery itself…if you could, bring it to us for analysis."

Well, that was an interesting spot of revelation. But, I'd best not waste my time and find me some armour. I hear Europe is pretty violent this time of year…

* * *

My entrance into the MG world did not really attract much attention. The well dressed school girls and gritty looking militia regarded me with a glance before going back to business. Guess they're used to this kind of stuff happening all the time. In the distance, I could see a join effort of MGs and militia fighting a large, dragon-like creature, the MGs harassing the beast while the militia used an improvised tank made from a truck.

Asking around, I was able to find my grizzled counterpart with Koizumi, maxing and relaxing on some sandbags. "Good to see you again," I greeted. My counterpart looked over with that 'thousand-yard stare' look and smiled. Koizumi reacted in a similar fashion, though he had more his trademark grin.

"My twin! What brings you to the biggest hellhole in the universe?" greeted my counterpart, after a handshake and 'manly' hug. Both he and Koizumi had quite a bit of stubble, were covered in dust and dirt and had clothes that were ragged, torn and even stained with dried blood. They sure had become more 'hardened' since I last saw them.

"Well, I'm off to a particularly hazardous world, so I was wondering if I could borrow some of your arms and armour." I asked.

Koizumi chuckled. "Take whatever you need, my friend. We can manage."

"Here's the thing though: I recently discovered I might be able to take objects from one dimension and bring them to my current position," I explained. "So if any of your gear vanishes, it might be me. But I'll try to make sure I return it!"

"Not a problem, myself!" answered my Twin. "Maybe if you could, bring us back some new weapons from your travels!" He led me to a nearby armoury and opened the door. "Take your pick. Where you headed anyway?"

"If my guess is right, a World War II type of setting," I replied. "Close to Germany or the USSR, you know. Eastern front."

"In that case, just stick this under your clothes," he said, handing me a flak jacket. "And take one of these." He passed me a black submachine gun with a folding stock and a straight magazine. "MP 40. Standard submachine gun of Nazi Germany. Good luck."

As my counterpart patted me on the shoulder, I returned his gesture. "Maybe I'll stop by and visit you and Koizumi if I don't get my balls shot off!" I quipped. We all had a laugh before I warped myself away to my final destination: Nazi-land.


	17. Chapter 17: NotSoNazi Man

**And now, a phone call from the author: ****Hello everyone! I finally managed to work up the willpower to get another chapter done. Fortunately, I thought the whole 'Nazi-land' concept over thoroughly, so I've a good idea how I'm going to do it. As always, if you find something that could use improvement, do not hesitate to point it out to me. As for the title, I think I originally twisted it from 'Macho Man'. Yes, I'm quite aware how bizarre my thought processes are. I'm not sure if they're closer to Osaka or Konata levels of abnormal.**

**Disclaimer: For the 17th damn time, I did not create Haruhi Suzumiya!**

**Chapter 17: Not-So-Nazi Man**

My entrance to Nazi-land was relatively down-played. I made it inside a building of sorts, outside a door, in what appeared to be a bedroom. Walking over to the window, a look outside showed this must be some kind of hotel or something. What caught my attention were the armed guards outside, the parked half-track and the design of everything. It was like I'd gone straight back to the 1940s. Maybe I should've consulted Asahina-san before I left…

My thoughts were interrupted by a door opening behind me. Oh crap. I was about to hide myself, but there was nowhere I could go. As I looked towards the door, a figure stepped out in a towel, having finished his shower. My eyes widened when I realised this was my counterpart: he looked nearly identical to me save for his European appearance.

And five seconds after exiting the bathroom, he spotted me.

In a lightning movement, he picked a pistol off a desk, ran up towards me (losing his towel in the process) and pointed the gun under my chin before backing me up against the wall. He looked to his door, dragging me along at gunpoint, and opened it to peek outside. Satisfied it was clear, he motioned me towards the bed and sat me down.

"I know you…" he said, his look of intimidation turning to one of recognition. "You appeared to me while I was on the toilet!" Oh yeah. That…how am I going to explain myself? Can I explain myself? I don't know how any knowledge from my world would affect this one, especially since it hasn't quite caught up to modern times.

"About that…" I answered nervously, keeping my hands raised. It was hard to keep cool when there was a damn gun pointed at you. "I'm…not even sure if you'd believe me if I told you, but I've come from another world."

Instead of laughing in my face, calling me a liar and pulling the trigger like I thought he would, he nodded. "I suppose I'm obliged to believe you…after all, you did flash before me on the toilet." He placed his pistol back on the desk and retrieved his towel, covering himself. "What's your name?"

"Kyon," I answer.

"Kyon…that isn't a name I've ever heard…" stated my counterpart. Around this time, I noticed he had a German accent. It began to strike me as…odd that he could speak in a language other than Ger-

A sudden realisation hit me as I began to recall what I had said to him. I didn't say the words in Japanese. I said them in German. Meaning he's been speaking German the entire time as well. Somehow, I had figured out how to speak German. I'd have to consult my fellow Brigade members on this later…

"So…if you don't mind me asking," I began. "Where are we? What year is it? And what's the situation?"

"Tell me what you think you know so far," he replied.

"Well…you're German, right?" He nodded. "In the…military?" He nodded again. "Germany is under the rule of the Nazi Party, right?" He gave a bitter nod to that. "And this is currently the Second World War? Round the 1940s?"

"1943 to be precise," he replied. "You've pieced the situation together quite well…I'm guessing you're either from the future or from a world where you've seen the outcome of this?"

"Yeah…how did you-"

He gave a light laugh. "Trust me, mein freund, I've seen many things during my time in the Wehrmacht. You've done a good job painting the picture. Let me fill in the blanks for you." He sat himself down beside me on the bed. "When the Nazis came into power, I knew there was trouble on the horizon. I joined the Wehrmacht so as to prepare myself for the inevitable storm that was coming. My natural leadership skills quickly led me to becoming a captain. Luckily for me, many of the men under my command were opposed to the Reich, much like myself, and they've agreed to help me. As for the devotees…let's say our Russian friends are 'taking care' of them."

"So, you've got Soviet contacts then?" I ask.

"Ja. I originally was assigned to the Western front," he explained. "But, a friend of mine had me transferred when the Gestapo began to notice quite a few American and British POWs 'vanished' under my care." He walked over to a closet and opened it up. "Now before we discuss the matter of you're presence, I'd rather not strut around in this bloody towel all day."

* * *

After a small bit of privacy, we faced each other once again. Now it was my turn to explain why I'd come here. I pulled out the Mauser and handed it to him, handle first. Upon grabbing it, an immediate look of recognition flashed across his eyes.

"Where did you find this?" he asked, astounded.

"It appeared in my world, somehow…" I answered. "Whatever brought it there put my world under threat, so I had to return this. It's happened once before. So, here I am-returning this gun to its rightful owner."

"In that case, you're not done yet," replied my counterpart. "This isn't my sidearm." He gestured to the pistol on the desk. "THAT is my sidearm. But I know the person who uses this. A Soviet spy named Yuri Nabokov. If you'd like, I could get it to him for you-"

"I'm afraid it isn't as simple as that," I interrupted. "I received specific warning on this item. Apparently, I myself must return it personally. I know it sounds vague; still don't quite understand it myself." That was true. This piece of information came from Asahina-Brain just before my departure.

_Another factor to take in, Kyon, is that unstable objects passed into your universe only do so because of your slider signature. Even when you bring them back into their own world, you must find an 'anchoring point' to make sure the attraction on you is neutralised. For example, the wormhole generator was neutralised by being successfully installed into the satellite and launched. In the case of your weapon, it must be returned directly to its original wielder. You yourself must do this, as your slider signature will generate a natural pulse that will eliminate any 'charge' on the object._

Naturally, I explained this to my counterpart who frowned in confusion. "You're right, that doesn't make a whole lot of sense," he muttered. "Well, good luck finding Yuri. Man's a damned ghost. I don't even think the USSR knows where he is half the time, always operating covertly. The man is more likely to find you than you are to find him."

"How'd he lose this thing anyway?" I questioned, holding up the Mauser. My counterpart shrugged.

"Well, I wasn't exactly there, was I?" he rebuffed. "Who knows: could've dropped it on an op."

After a few seconds of silence, a curious thought crossed my mind: if my counterpart is German, what's his name then? Sure can't be Kyon. I decided to tackle the question directly. "What's your name, by the way?" I asked.

"I am Captain Kurt Koenig," he said, before sighing. "But the other officers call me by the damned nickname 'Kurz'."

"Why's that?" I asked again. He walked right up to me and it became apparent he was a little shorter than I am, his eyes only really coming up to my chin. I would later learn that 'Kurz' was German for short.

* * *

Later, I found myself before Kurt's men, wearing the same uniform as him and standing beside my European clone. Kurt was finishing up an explanation of my presence: where I came from did not matter, I was to serve as a double for him, any order I give should be followed as much as his own. The men didn't question a thing. They all saluted and swore to secrecy.

"Impressive," I remarked. "They look more loyal to you than Hitler himself." Kurt just laughed.

"Of course! They hate the bastard, and his shitty Reich," he replied. "Most of them were drafted. Others just wanted to get to people before the others did, make sure nothing happened to them."

Least I can trust them to some degree. These men may wear the uniform, but they are certainly not Nazis. Not a single one of them questioned my existence. Kurt explained that along with him, they'd seen some pretty weird shit: Monsters, bizarre machines and even the ghosts of World War I soldiers.

After introducing me to his men, Kurt proceeded to move us out. German command had ordered us to push further into Soviet territory. Little did they know was that every action the Wehrmacht took, the Soviets already knew. Kurt helped maintain an intelligence network between his men and the Soviet contacts. When orders were forwarded, he'd send a messenger ahead to alert the Soviets.

As we rode on a tank lumbering towards our destination, I asked: "Who are your contacts?" I had a feeling the remaining Brigade members would be among them. I was partially right.

"I often deal with two lovely ladies, Yuri and a cheeky bastard of a man named Ivan Kalinin," he answered with a smile. "Kalinin can get a bit too wise for his own good sometimes, but he's got a way with words. The ladies are Halya Sokolova and Mariya Andropova. Mariya's quite sweet and beautiful but Halya is a very fierce and determined woman."

The descriptions were easy enough for me to match up the respective members. Ivan was clearly Koizumi. The sweet natured Mariya had to be Mikuru. And Halya had Haruhi written all over her. The only one that wasn't there was Nagato. The only real candidate I could think of was Yuri, but he was a man.

My thoughts became interrupted when I realised something: we were pushing deeper into Soviet turf. The Soviets would most likely want to shoot any German coming their way. And we were German alright: in uniform, in armament and vehicles.

"Uh…one question," I began. "How will the Soviets know not to shoot us when they see us coming?" Kurt gave me a dead eyed stare and pointing to a flag flying from the tank. It was red much like the Nazi flag, but instead of a white circle with a black swastika within it, all there was to mar the redness was a yellow hammer and sickle in the upper left corner.

How the hell did I miss that? I swear, if this is how attentive I am, I'm going to be shot on my first day here…

* * *

Kurt gradually split up the men, leaving some of them to escort us the rest of the way. 'So as to not arouse suspicion from other Germans' he told me. The tank stopped as we came across a red flag being waved from the window of a two-storey building that was relatively intact.

"Halt," ordered Kurt. After examining the flag, he turned to me. "Follow my lead." A few seconds later, we were off the tank and holding our guns in the air. Several soldiers emerged from the buildings around us and after some banter with Kurt in Russian (or was it Ukrainian?), they led us both into the building while the Kurt's men traded places with the Soviets.

The Soviet soldiers gave curious glances at me, but it didn't last long. My guess was they'd seen some pretty weird stuff themselves. Welcome to my world, comrade.

Inside, we were led into a room. The Soviet leading us knocked on the door, opened it and saluted before saying something in Slavic that I couldn't understand. He then stepped aside and Kurt and I took it as our cue to enter.

Three figures by a desk regarded us. All of them familiar, only differing in slight physical details from the ones I knew. A man gave us a warm smile, confirming him to be Koizumi/Ivan Kalinin. Then there was, as Kurt had described, a beautiful woman with red hair, once again proving me right that Mariya was this world's version of Mikuru.

Then there was Halya.

She had a mischievous grin as she regarded Kurt, before reverting to a look of intrigue at my presence. The brown hair was present, though the yellow band was not. Instead, she held her hair in a ponytail similar to when I came across Haruhi after the closed space incident.

"Zdravstuj, Kurt," she greeted my counterpart before turning the same mischievous grin she gave him to me. "Might I ask who your tovarich is?"

I suddenly found myself longing for the Haruhi from my world, if only because she didn't give off the impression of killing me whenever she felt like it.


	18. Chapter 18: Inglorious Svoloch

**And now, an obscene message from the author:**** *******. Ok, obscenities aside, I think this isn't one of my better chapters, but I'll leave you all to decide. If you see anything that could be done better, by all means, tell me! Damn, I'm so lazy. Anyways, ****** ***** ** ********* ***** ****. *****!**

**Disclaimer: I didn't create nor do I own Haruhi Suzumiya. Otherwise I would be an even happier man than I already am.**

**Chapter 18: Inglorious Svoloch**

"Halya, allow me to introduce you to 'Kyon'," Kurt replied as he gestured to me. "He says he comes from another world and is here to return this." He nodded to me and I placed the Mauser on the desk. Halya picked it up and expected it.

"Yuri's Mauser…" she muttered. "Guess he'll be happy to know his favourite weapon is back in good hands!" She gave me a smile before placing the Mauser on her desk. "Well, I believe your mission is accomplished now comrade."

"Uh…not quite," I added. "You see, I kind of act like an Interdimensional magnet. I need to give it back to Yuri directly so that it 'magnetises' with him." How the hell does Koizumi pull off these explanations? This is bloody hard! "I know that probably doesn't make a lot of sense…" It didn't to me anyway.

"So, what you're saying is this pistol is currently 'bound' to you?" asked Kalinin, showing Koizumi's trademark ability to explain a situation. I nodded to him. "And in order to break this bond, you must give the pistol to Yuri directly…"

"Pretty much," I replied. "Does anyone know where I can find him?" All's I got was a laugh from Halya and a sigh from Mariya.

"Unfortunately, I think the only person who knows where Yuri is would be Yuri himself," explained Andropov. Oh yeah, I forgot. Kurt already told me he was difficult to find. "But I'm sure he'll report back in time for you to return his Mauser!" Ah, Mariya…you still possess that uplifting charm Asahina has.

"Anyways, onto regular business," interrupted Kurt. "The Fuhrer, in all his retarded wisdom, has decided to push further into the USSR. I'd expect more Panzer divisions if I were you. Better start planting mines."

* * *

The rest of the meeting mainly consisted of Kurt and Halya co-ordinating the defences, mine placement and the path Kurt's forces should follow. After that, Halya and the Soviets fell back, leaving us to move up and take the position. This doesn't at all remind me of the bloody fighting at Stalingrad. Maybe Halya 'toned things down' a bit. She is pretty much another Haruhi after all.

As we reunited with the rest of Kurt's men, one of them came running up to us, panting. "Mein Hauptmann! There's an agent from the Gestapo here to see you!" My blood ran cold, and I'm fairly sure Kurt's did as well. The Gestapo have a notorious reputation.

Kurt thought for a few seconds before he pointed to me. "Get him dressed in regular uniform! Any spares we may have!" The soldier nodded and gestured for me to follow him. A smart move; it'd be hard explaining to a Gestapo agent why there's two Koenig's.

My drastic uniform change went by surprisingly quick. I guess both me and my escort were incredibly motivated. In order to conceal myself better, I wrapped my mouth and nose with a scarf, leaving only my eyes visible under my helmet. We still maintained a close enough distance to Kurt so as to eavesdrop, however. Hiding behind a tank proved a useful strategy.

Peeking around the corner, I saw the Gestapo agent with his large black overcoat. He made his way up towards Kurt, both men saluting one another. On either side of him were two soldiers in black garb, not dissimilar to his, but instead of the officer's cap he wore, they had the same imposing helmets the other soldiers had.

"Guten tag, herr Hauptmann," greeted the agent. His voice reeked of deceit and suspicion. This man was definitely the common image of a Gestapo agent. He removed his cap, showing his short blue hair and equally blue eyes.

Wait a minute…that combination sounds familiar.

"Guten tag to you too, Major…?" questioned Kurt.

"Amsel. Richard Amsel," he answered, with an insidious grin. He pulled a cigarette out of his coat and lit it. "You're probably wondering what a Gestapo agent would want all the way here on the Eastern Front, ja?"

"Well, I often find it hard to tell what the Gestapo is doing anywhere," replied Kurt, eliciting a laugh from Amsel. "I have a feeling I am involved somehow since you are talking to me?" Amsel took a look around. I ducked back behind the tank before taking another look. "You needn't fear, Major. I ordered all my men to leave us alone. There is no one here but you, me…and them." Kurt gestured to Amsel's escort.

Amsel took another puff on his cigarette and exhaled the smoke. "You are quite correct in guessing you're involved in my case," confirmed the Major. "I believe there may be a traitor among your ranks."

Kurt feigned surprise, pulling it off quite well. "A traitor you say?"

"A traitor, Hauptmann," hissed Amsel. "A traitor to the Reich, to the Fuhrer, to Germany! We can't have men like that in our Heer. I'd like you to keep your eyes open for any suspicious activity among your men. I'm sure there's a traitor amongst us here on the Eastern Front and I will search every company until I find him!"

Dropping his cigarette on the ground and crushing it beneath his boot, Amsel left with his escort. Once they were considerably out of range, Kurt gestured to me and the soldier to emerge from hiding. We quickly moved up to either side of him.

"You heard all that, ja?" he asked. We nodded. "Major Amsel may be a problem…if he suspects there's a traitor among us, then he might just find out about my alliance with the Soviets. Hmmm…perhaps I should have him suffer a little 'mishap' with a Soviet sniper."

"He looked…familiar," I remarked. "Like someone back from my world, but I can't quite place it." Kurt arched an eyebrow at me. I shook my head. "Probably nothing. I've already seen enough lookalikes here anyway."

* * *

The messenger we sent to Halya came back telling us that she wanted to discuss this plan in more detail with Kurt. And since neither of us could risk moving large forces without catching the eye of the Germans, she asked us to rendezvous in a building midway between the two armies. Kurt and I consulted the map we had drawn up of mine locations. Didn't want to trip our own traps after all…

Finally, we reached the building. Kurt knocked on the door and I heard Kalinin's voice on the other end. He was 'challenging' us; expecting the correct password.

"Soyuz," answered Kurt. The door opened and Kalinin beckoned us inside. Two soviet guards took position up by the door as he led us to Halya and Mariya. The five of us seated ourselves at the table and began discussing assassination.

"Tell us more about this Gestapo mudak, Hauptmann," requested Halya.

"He's a Major Richard Amsel," started Kurt. "Not hard to spot, has the trademark black coat of the Gestapo and has those damned SS with him. He appears to be looking for a traitor among the German ranks…me. And my men."

"What does he look like specifically? We need to be sure," warned Mariya.

"Blue haired and blue eyed," I answered. Again, my brain struggled to recall where I saw such a combination before. It shouldn't be that hard for me to remember someone. "I still don't know where I've seen him before…"

"He has a counterpart in your world too?" remarked Kalinin. "Perhaps there are some physical differences. For instance, Kurt possesses a more European appearance than you and is not quite as tall." I noticed Kurt's irritation at having his height pointed out. Given that this is Soviet Koizumi, I found it very understandable.

"That's not important anyway," interrupted Kurt. "We need this man dead. Halya, would you see anything wrong with a sniper assassination?"

"Just one," she responded. "How will he get him close enough? We'll either have to draw the svoloch out here or sneak our man in close enough to take the shot. Both risky moves…plus I'm sure the sniper would very much like a way to escape. I don't think he'll be quite willing to die to save you Germans."

We all slumped in our chairs, thinking. Then an idea struck me. "A distraction," I suggested. "What if we had Kurt's forces set up explosives at the supply points? We can detonate the ammunition and vehicles, cause a fireworks show and while the Germans are attacking this perceived rear assault, our man can sneak his way out."

Everyone stared at me, at first in bewilderment. Then they started looking to one another, nodding and smiling. Kurt patted me on the shoulder. "You have the makings of a strategist in you, Kyon."

"That's a brilliant idea!" exclaimed Halya. "Well thought, comrade. The chaos will make the perfect opportunity for our sniper to escape. At this rate, we'll be rid of Amsel in no-"

Halya was interrupted when gunfire was heard and the sounds of our two soviet guards dying at the doorway. Before we could rise from our chairs and draw our sidearms, several SS troops barged in, followed by Amsel. He held his pistol at us while the guards all pointed their MP40 submachine guns. Plastered on his face was a vile grin.

"I should've known it was you, Koenig," he spoke. "The evidence was there, but no one put it together. No one…except me. And now you've led me to your dear Soviet comrades. Thank you so very much. I'm afraid, however, your use is outlived."

Amsel aimed the pistol squarely at Kurt's chest. Then he pointed it over to mine. Then back and forth. "Oh dear," he said. "I don't know which one of you is the actual Kurt. Oh my, which one to shoot…"

He gave a troubled look as he continued flicking the pistol between us. Then the smile returned to his lips. "I'll just have to kill you both! After all, who'll miss Kurt's twin? But before I do…" He turned to one of his men. "Take their weapons."

As the soldier nodded and approached us, I glared at the Gestapo Major. This man truly was a Nazi…cruel and sadistic. He could've shot us instantly, but instead he toyed with us. Such an arrogant man…

The soldier took the sidearms from everyone's holster, making sure to search our coats thoroughly. When it came my turn, he pulled out the Mauser I'd been holding for Yuri. Briefly, he hesitated before checking the chamber. Satisfied it was loaded, he nodded to me, and even gave me a light wink without changing his blank expression. Those eyes…I've seen them before.

"Now…die." Amsel raised his pistol at Kurt, and as the words echoed in my head, I made the horrific connection. The blue hair and eyes, even his initials. Richard Amsel. R. A. Ryoko Asakura. How could I have missed that? Well, here's hoping I can remember where I saw that other soldier's eyes before I'm shot and killed…

The gunshot came from an unexpected source: the Mauser. And its target was not Kurt. The bullet passed through the skull of Major Amsel. Rapidly, the soldier who took our weapons pointed it to the nearest man, shot him, and took his MP40 before gunning down the remaining SS guards before they could even comprehend what happened.

Then silence.

All of us looked in awe at the freshly killed corpses. Then our gaze shifted back up to the German who had unexpectedly saved us. Removing his helmet revealed short, silvery grey hair. And when he looked back to me, the amber eyes betrayed his identity. Or rather her identity.

Yuki. Or in this case, Yuri. The he had been a she the whole time.

"Perfect timing as always, 'Yuri'," said Kurt with a smile. Noticing the curious glance Yuri gave at me, Kurt explained. "This man is me from another world. He came to return your C96. And now…it looks like his job is complete."

"Thank you for returning this," said 'Yuri', in Nagato's usually monotonous manner.

"Uh…no problem," I replied. "Why didn't you tell me 'Yuri' was a woman?"

Halya smirked at me, laughing lightly. "We always do love seeing people's reactions when they find that out."


	19. Chapter 19: Check Under the Couch

**And now, a tasteful art piece from the author: ****It's a tiger if you squint, by the way. Lovely to be presenting another chapter to you all again. I would've gotten to it sooner except I've been worked to death by Year 12 at school and when I've had downtime, gaming sounded like a much more fun alternative to writing (at the time). But, I finally willed myself to get this chapter in and here's the result! As always, please do read and if you've got something to say, drop me a review. If you've got to be a critic, be constructive, otherwise I will proceed not to give a shit. :)**

**Dislcaimer: This story may or may not borrow elements for Nagaru Tanigawa's Haruhi Suzumiya series. This disclaimer may or may not be a tiger if you squint.**

**Chapter 19: Have You Checked Under the Couch?**

"How did you lose this in the first place, anyway?" I asked 'Yuri', concerning her sidearm. Kurt wisely decided I'd be safer in the hands of my Soviet comrades, and 'Yuri' volunteered to take me as far away from the frontlines as possible. She was leading me through the streets to a far enough location for me to safely exit this universe.

"Interesting story," replied 'Yuri'. "I was ordered to assassinate a German frontline commander, but just as I drew the damn thing, there was a strange light and a crazy man jabbed something into the commander's arm. When I tried to shoot the svoloch, he took the Mauser right out of my hand. Before I could get a good look at him, he'd disappeared and the commander had turned into some kind of monster. I managed to kill him by getting a grenade down his throat. Leaving the area was no problem, as many of the soldiers were either dead or had fled."

The story filled me with dread. This 'crazy man' sounded a lot like a slider, especially given his entrance and exit. Who the hell else did I have to content with out there? Shit, if there's just one of them going around pulling crap like this, who knows how screwy the other ones are?

I tried to take my mind off of it. This was something to cover with my Brigade members. Instead, I took the opportunity to ask a question. "What's your actual name?"

To my surprise, 'Yuri' actually stopped and turned to look at me, seemingly surprised herself. Then she did something highly unlike Nagato; she smiled at me. "My actual name is Yelena Nasonov." She turned back to her forward facing route and continued leading me further away from the battlefield, but I could still tell she was smiling. "Not a lot of people bother to ask me that."

* * *

Bidding farewell (or das vidaniya in this case) to Yelena, I made my way back into Interdimensional space. My route, however, was 'interrupted'. A large, familiar looking space probe nearly collided with me and next thing I knew, I'd been sucked into a random dimension.

Due to the unexpected course change, my landing was rough. Taking a survey of my surroundings, I found myself in a street, almost empty…save the several people standing all around, on the road and off the road. As I got up, it quickly dawned on me these weren't people.

It's hard to tell what the first give away was. Maybe it was the blood stained clothing. Maybe it was the abandoned vehicles, crashed cars and other signs of anarchy. Or maybe, just maybe, it was the fact that nearly everyone looked partially cannibalised. Whatever the case, I quickly put together the signs to one conclusion: zombies.

I could've just sat there wondering how and why I'd ended up here. But I chose to do the smart thing: I picked up the MP 40 I had brought with me, unfolded the stock and started lining up the iron sights around head height. Pretty soon I was running and gunning, sprinting to escape this slow but advancing horde while also putting as many rounds into their heads as possible.

When the density of zombies had lowered significantly, I attempted to enter Interdimensional space again…only for the portal I formed to instantly collapse on itself. What the-am I losing my powers or something? A second, third and fourth attempt yielded the same results. Oh shit…I'm trapped here!

Rounding a corner nearly brought me into the waiting jaws of a zombie. A quick MP 40 burst rectified the problem almost as soon as it had begun. All the while, my mind was in turmoil: half of me was trying to survive and the other half wondering why the hell I couldn't escape.

As fate would have it, I reached a dead end and the shambling zombies had me cornered surprisingly quick. Saying a word I shouldn't say, my MP 40 fire burst after burst into as many heads as it could, pausing only to reload. In an action movie, I'd keep this up until something saved me or all the zombies were dead. The only problem with action movies is they apparently have the 'infinite ammo' cheat turned on all the time. I was not as lucky. The submachine began to click as no bullets flew from the chamber. My last magazine was gone. And the zombies were still coming.

In an act of desperation, I tried once more to escape into Interdimensional space.

* * *

The first thing I did when I got home was catch my breath. That was just too close for comfort. The flak jacket I had borrowed was sent back through the roaring vortex, returned to the armoury I took it from. The MP 40 I had simply left before the zombie horde that nearly ended me.

Now, my priority was contacting my fellow brigade members on the possibility of other sliders and the threats they posed. Where did I leave my phone? In the desk drawer? Yes, that's right. Along with the fragment. Better not waste anymore time then. Time to make a few phone ca-

The fragment is gone.

…SHIT! That thing is immensely powerful or something! I don't know, it was something Nagato said! Ok, calm down Kyon…where could it have gone? Did you do something with it last? Well…last thing I did was bring it to Nagato. But I could've sworn she returned it to me! Unless…

I make my way down the stairs to find my sister watching television. She's the only one who's ever in this house other than me and my parents. And I know she goes rummaging through my desk for all sorts of appliances…I think the last time it was scissors. Not important. "Imouto-san?" I ask. "Have you been going through my desk recently?"

Whatever it is she's watching, it mustn't be terribly interesting, as she doesn't hesitate to turn her head towards me. She shakes her head. "I haven't been in your room at all today," she answers. "Why? Did you lose something?"

"Uh…yeah…" I reply. Better think fast; she'll probably volunteer to help me find it or ask what it looks like. Need to convince her I can do it myself. "But I'm sure it will turn up somewhere!" So much for convincing…I've got to do something to avoid turning this into a full house search. "I just remembered, I have some phone calls to make."

After that unconvincing display, I returned to my room, made sure the door was shut and began contacting my fellow members. First of all, I decided to check if Nagato still had it in case my memory was deteriorating.

* * *

"Firstly, I'd like to thank all of you for coming on such short notice," I began. Nagato-san had been kind enough to donate her own apartment as our 'conference room'. Just as well, as she no doubt wished to know the whereabouts of the fragment herself. "Secondly, I've got several things to discuss with all of you. First and foremost, upon my return from World War II land, I opened my desk drawer only to discover the fragment from the Teddybot incident was missing." Oh, that totally doesn't make me sound crazy at all!

"You assume it was theft?" asked Koizumi. I nodded. At least he catches on quick. "And you believe the thief didn't use conventional means to take it?" Are his psychic powers expanding or something? Did he turn into a damn mind reader or something? I gave him another nod.

"This is where I bring in my second point," I continue. "While I was in the World War 2 universe, Nagato's counterpart told me how they lost their Mauser. It's going to sound crazy…" Oh, who am I kidding, EVERYTHING is crazy. "She was just getting ready to pull the gun on a German officer when some lunatic jumped into their universe, injected the officer with a some kind of serum that turned him into a monster and, for no inexplicable reason, took the Mauser with him." Ok, maybe not inexplicable-after all, she was pointing the gun at him.

"Wait! You mean this could be another slider?" inquired Mikuru. I gave the third nod of the day. "That could mean there are all sorts of sliders jumping around out there and potentially destabilising universes!" She sounded like the thought terrified her. It terrified me.

"Ah, so you believe the culprit was a slider?" questioned Koizumi. For the fourth time, I nodded. "Hmmm…well, I'm not sure there's a lot any of us can do. You are the slider of the bunch, after all." Shit. I'm on my own now. "But I'll be sure to ask the agency to keep an eye out for any suspicious activity."

"I'll ask my superiors if they can do anything to help, too!" added Mikuru. "There may be some way we can monitor any Interdimensional activity…I think sliding is similar to time travel in a way." I'm surprised she didn't chalk it off as classified information. But, I was glad to have the support of two of my comrades. That gave me a bit of relief.

…why hasn't Nagato-san said anything yet? She's usually always there to help me. Oh crap, don't tell me not even a creation of the Integrated Data Entity can help me now. How the hell does that even work? She told me about the whole slider business in the first place. I'd assume she'd have some sort of way to help-

"I may be able to analyse dimensional data and identify any rogue sliders," she finally responded. "However, the process has a 30% chance of uncertainty." I don't care if has a 70% chance of uncertainty, I'll take what I can get. Well, at least I can be comforted by the knowledge all my comrades are willing to lend their aid. But there was still one more thing.

"Before I forget, there was one other thing. On my way back from the World War II universe, I got flung off course into some kind of zombie world. Strange thing was, my attempts to escape were hindered; every time I made a portal, it collapsed instantly." I scanned the expressions on everyone's face…well, Yuki disqualifies since there's only the most subtle of changes. Mikuru looked puzzled, indicating she probably didn't know anything on it, but Koizumi held a look of sudden realisation.

"Suzumiya-san has been looking at zombie-related content recently…" he muttered. He looked to me. I don't know why. When in the hell did I know anything? Was he expecting I could pull an answer out of my arse?

Fortunately, Nagato-san had us both covered. "The fragment that Kyon has lost was connected to Haruhi Suzumiya's mental influence. It was a product from a world generated by her thinking, and therefore, it would've been able to influence Kyon's course." Wait a minute…what? "His inability to successfully maintain portal would be due to-"

"Suzumiya-san's influence inhibiting any further travel!" interrupted Mikuru. Ok, now I am quite confused…and worried. "The fragment must also be able to inhibit your sliding abilities! I'm not sure how exactly…it could be due to exposure to certain energies or some other unknown method. But it is exactly like our inability to go back any further in time than three years ago! The vortex collapses as soon as it forms!"

Never mind the fact that Mikuru managed to divulge all that information without 'classifying' it. Everything I heard just now didn't sound good. "So let me get this straight…whatever lunatic is running around with the fragment has found a way to tap into a portion of Haruhi's power and used it to trap me in that zombie world?" Everyone gave me a nod, which made a good change from me nodding all the time.

I sighed. "Nagato?"

"Yes?" she responds.

"I'd like some tea please. I feel it's the only thing that will stop me banging my head on the table right now."


	20. Chapter 20: Code Blue

**And now, a very late message from the author: ****FINALLY! It took me several months, but I finally figured out how to keep the story flowing to the next point. Sorry for the long wait guys, I had a few things to deal with over the long months (primarily university studies), but I didn't forget about my precious story! In spite of slow progress, Chapter 20 is complete and ready for your viewing pleasure. Apologies if it seems slightly shorter than my previous chapters, but that's just the way the writing process works. :P**

**Disclaimer...eh, I've done enough of these. See the previous chapters for disclaimer informationiffics.**

**Chapter 20: Code Blue**

Of course I didn't sleep easy that night. It's hard when your dreams are full of interdimensional glimpses. While I was unconscious, my mind scanned all the worlds it could think of trying to feel some sort of signature from the fragment. But to no avail-whoever has the fragment is either concealing its presence very well or is hiding it beyond my current range. There are still plenty of worlds out there I've yet to detect…

As I solemnly walked my way to school, I reflected on all the crazy things that have happened to me lately. It all started with a vortex opening up in my room and next thing I know, I blew up a giant teddy robot, found a piece of it in my world, discovered I'm a slider, went on a date with Haruhi and now the fragment is missing, the signs point to another slider and worst of all, he can influence where I go next time I jump. Could this situation possibly get any worse?

"Yo," greeted Taniguchi. Question answered. "You're not looking too good today, Kyon. Is Suzumiya working you too hard? I told you not to get involved with her…"

"I've just had a lot of things to think about lately," I reply. "I think I'm losing sleep over it. But it's not because of Haruhi. Things have just been stressful lat-"

He's not even paying attention any more. There are two MP3 earbuds in his ears. Don't ignore me after you've asked me a question, you bastard! I slap him upside the head as punishment. He quickly pauses whatever song he's on and pulls out his earbuds, looking at me quizzically.

"What?" he questions, as if he hadn't done anything. "I was just following a new policy I've given myself."

"What kind of policy?"

"Never to ask you 'why' again," he bluntly stated. "Because as long as you're part of this strange little club of yours, Suzumiya's going to get you involved in all sorts of weird shit I'd rather stay out of. I don't know why you were walking to school with Asahina the other day, but now I'd rather not know so I don't get caught up in any of Suzumiya's insane schemes. So I decided I'm better off not getting involved by not knowing."

"…then why did you ask if I was being worked too hard if you don't want to know?" I flatly question.

"I forgot."

I don't even know why I bother with this guy anymore…

* * *

Making my way to the classroom, I was surprised to see Haruhi standing outside the door, peering in with an intense look of intrigue on her face. I'm probably going to regret asking her what's so interesting, but then again, I inevitably end up getting dragged into her mad plans. Plus, more so than usual, things have changed and I've got a new burden as guardian of the interdimensional stability, so I better make sure the fabric of space-time isn't unfolding in the middle of the classroom. I didn't sign up for this…

"Oi, Haruhi, what's the-" As I look into the classroom, I find myself unable to finish the sentence. Primarily because of fear, a little out of shock and surprise, but mostly fear. Crippling, terrible fear. I'm surprised I haven't pissed myself yet.

This isn't possible. Things like this aren't supposed to happen! Well, ok, given the amount of crazy shit that has happened since I joined the SOS Brigade, I suppose anything's possible, but damn it, this is just taking it too far! I miss the days I could go to school without feeling like my life was under threat. Those were good days. Peaceful days…well, as peaceful as things get with Haruhi around. But this?

All this panic, all this fear is due to one person; one I'm all too familiar with. That unmistakable blue hair; that deceivingly warm smile; her fabricated friendly mannerisms and kind voice. There's no mistaking it: Ryoko Asakura. The woman who tried to kill me.

"Weird, right?" Haruhi asks me. I don't answer. The primal fear gripping my body tells me not to make a sound lest I attract her attention. Undaunted, Haruhi continues. "She disappears to Canada for no explicable reason, then comes back as if nothing's happened! There's definitely something up here, Kyon…Kyon?"

I'm too scared to speak. I feel like the moment I open my mouth, she's going to come lunging through the crowd of students talking to her and plunge a knife into my gut. It doesn't help my thoughts are currently occupied wondering how in the hell she resurrected herself. Did one of those 'factions' of the Integrated Data Entity Yuki told me about make another Asakura? Maybe if I'm quick enough, I can slip away before she-

Shit, we made eye contact. I can see the recognition on her face. She shoots me a warm smile, but it does little to calm me down. My despair must be massively obvious, as Haruhi pulls me aside.

"What's the matter with you Kyon?" she quietly asks me. Is that…is that concern in her voice? When the hell is Haruhi Suzumiya ever concerned about someone? I miss when things made more sense…where the only thing I had to worry about was keeping her from getting bored. I'm not cut out for all these changes. "Look, I know it's weird that Asakura chose now of all times to come back, but still, I didn't think it was shocking enough to-"

"I had a nightmare where she tried to kill me the night before she left," I interrupt. Technically true…except the nightmare was real and Yuki wound up 'uninstalling' Asakura in the end. Which is why I'm baffled she came back. "As retarded and stupid that may sound, that's why I'm a bit on edge at the moment."

"I wouldn't worry about it if I were you. It was a nightmare, right?" says a calm, soothing voice that is most definitely not Haruhi. We both recognise it though. Haruhi is startled, but I practically jump out of my skin. Asakura is standing right beside the two of us; we didn't see or hear her approach. How long was she listening to our conversation? She giggles. "Sorry to interrupt your conversation. It's been a while! How have you two been?"

"A-A…Asakura…" I stutter. It's still difficult to find the will to speak. I'd like to see you do better when the woman who tried to kill you and is supposed to be dead suddenly shows up the next day as if nothing happened. Fortunately, Haruhi is composed as ever and takes the burden of conversation off of me temporarily.

"We've been doing well, thanks," Haruhi answers in a suspiciously friendly manner. Ok, something's definitely been happening to Haruhi since this whole slider business started. She never bothered saying a word to Asakura when she was here, but now she's actually holding a conversation with her. I should probably go check the interdimensional stability sometime to see if I might've accidentally damaged the space-time continuum slightly with my exploits. That would explain a lot of Haruhi's odd behaviour lately…well, odd by her standards.

The conversation continues while I'm distracted by my thoughts. "So why did you have to leave for Canada all of a sudden? That was pretty out of the blue," Haruhi questions. Wait, don't tell me she's just pretending to be friendly towards Asakura so she can get answers? Then again, that does seem more like Haruhi before this interdimensional crap started. Come to think of it, I've been neglecting to ask myself: do I like Haruhi better this way? No, why am I even thinking about that now? Ryoko Asakura just came back, Kyon. I think your crazy theories regarding Haruhi can wait until later.

"It was pretty out of the blue for me as well," answers Asakura. "One of my relatives in Canada needed some help. I can't say why as its kind of personal, but they're doing ok now, so I decided to come back!" Huh…if you take away the fact she tried to murder me, Asakura does seem like a rather nice girl. Now that I think about it (which I seem to be doing a lot at the moment), how did the Integrated Data Entity manage to make Asakura so much more…'human' than Nagato?

"That's why you had to leave? And here I was thinking you were hiding some extraordinary secret," replies Haruhi, laughing a bit. Asakura laughs with her. I'm still standing there dumbfounded that any of this is happening. You'd think all the things I've encountered, none of this would bother me. "Anyway, it looks like class will be starting soon, so we'd best get to our seats." Haruhi reminds us of the time.

"Hai. It was nice to see you two again!" Asakura cheerfully responds, winking at me for some reason before heading for her seat. Ok, that was just creepy. Please don't wink at me like that after you've tried to kill me.

* * *

During the lunch break, Haruhi and I made our way to the clubroom for an emergency meeting. The reason: Ryoko Asakura just reappeared out of nowhere. Upon reaching the clubroom, unsurprisingly, the sole denizen was Nagato, sitting in her usual chair reading a non-descript book. After exchanging greetings (which in Yuki's case was just a simple nod), Haruhi and I took a seat and began focusing on the issue at hand.

"Yuki, feel free to contribute wherever you see fit," informed Haruhi, before addressing me directly. "This situation is way too suspect. Did Asakura really think we'd buy that explanation she went to help a family member? That's just too weak." I'm still more baffled how she's alive. "Obviously, she's just using a cover story to hide what really happened. No one can just transfer out that quickly on such short notice."

"But how do we get her to talk? I don't think she'll just go ahead and tell us the real deal if we ask nicely," I inquire. I glance toward Nagato. She has to know something about this for sure, but I can't ask her as long as Haruhi's in the room. Guess I'll have to ask my questions later.

"Yeah, that's the difficult part," ponders Haruhi. "I'm sure if you asked if Bruce Wayne was Batman, he'd definitely deny it. Likewise, if we ask Asakura what really happened, she'll just stick to her cover story. I suppose we could try an interrogation…"

I think an interrogation is going a bit far, Haruhi. Sure, this may be Ryoko Asakura we're talking about, who is forever burned into my mind as a knife wielding psychopath, but we still just can't tie her to a chair and shine a bright light in her face. And where did that Batman reference come from? I shudder to think just what Haruhi has been looking at lately, and if this could potentially influence where I end up should the crazy bastard with the fragment try to screw with my trajectory again next time I jump.

My thoughts are distracted by several knocks on the clubroom door. "Come in!" Haruhi shouts to the doorway. Whoever's on the other side receives the message loud and clear as the handle turns and the door is slowly pushed open…

…oh god, why? Why did it have to Asakura? What business could she possibly have here? I hope she's not looking to finish the job from last time we met. Haruhi regards our unexpected visitor with curiosity.

"Asakura? What brings you here?" she asks, puzzled.

Asakura just shoots her a warm smile, before replying with an answer that sends chills up my spine.

"I'd like to join the SOS Brigade."


	21. Chapter 21: Unexpected Ally

**And now, an unexpected visit from the author: ****Hey guys! Been a long time, I know, but I'm back from my various journeys and what-not to deliver unto you this chapter! Sorry it took so long, but I believe it's a good thing to leave the creative juices to brew for a while. Then they wind up in a suitable state of matter which can be more effectively applied to story-writing-making-manufacturing. I know it can be frustrating waiting ages for someone to update stuff, but life is full of distractions. Don't think I forgot about you guys, though! I typed and typed away with you guys in mind. Not sure how weak or strong this chapter might be compared to my previous ones, so be sure to use them reviews to alert me as to where I fell asleep at the wheel! Until we meet again, I must go; my people need me. *flies away***

**Disclaimer: Blah blah blah not my characters blah blah blah Nagaru Tanigawa blah blah blah shut up and enjoy the story!**

**Chapter 21: Unexpected Ally**

"…you want to what?" I ask nervously. Did I hear that right? Did Ryoko Asakura just ask to join the SOS Brigade? What game are you playing?

Asakura's smile doesn't falter. "You heard me right. I want to join the SOS Brigade!"

There are so many things wrong with this situation. First of all, Asakura should be dead…at least, the Humanoid Data Interface equivalent of dead. I have no idea what the hell Nagato did, even to this day. Secondly, she tried to kill me. For all I know, she's joining so she has a better shot at putting an end to me. Finally, is Haruhi even going to allow this? Does Asakura really have what it takes to-

"Do you really have what it takes to join the SOS Brigade?" questions Haruhi. She's giving Asakura quite the level of scrutiny. "No offence, but from what I remember, you were quite a buzz kill. I know you were class president and all, but still, you're adherence to school structure seems both trivial and boring."

Huh…maybe my changing feelings toward Haruhi aren't so bad after all. Now that I look at it, she does look out for my wellbeing, albeit in a strange way. She must notice something up about Asakura too. Maybe the whole 'I dreamed she tried to kill me' story has painted her opinion. Koizumi did say Haruhi was becoming increasingly fond of me, further supported by the outcome of our 'date'. Guess she doesn't like the idea of Asakura murdering me either.

Unfortunately for me, Asakura didn't even flinch. She's not going to back down easy. "Well, as I recall, not a lot of interesting things happened back then." Her smile transitioned to a more serious look. "Truth be told, some strange things happened in Canada."

Oh shit. She's playing the 'something strange happened to me' card. Now Haruhi's definitely not letting her go.

"I thought something happened," responded Haruhi. "And now you've come to us since we specialise in finding the truth behind such matters." Asakura nodded. Smiling, Haruhi pulls up a chair for her. "Have a seat. We've got a lot to discuss."

* * *

Asakura gave Haruhi a story of bizarre sightings and phenomenon. According to her, she went to Canada in order to find out what happened to a relative of hers there. I tuned out for most of the detailed stuff, though; instead, I turned to Nagato in order to find out what the hell was going on.

"Nagato-san," I whisper to her. "Do you know what's going on here? I thought we got rid of Asakura."

"That is not the Asakura who tried to kill you," she replies in a quiet voice. "That is an Asakura from another dimension. She is as human as you were before the slider incident. Her dimension was compromised by interdimensional invaders and she's sought refuge here. In the absence of our Asakura, I have provided her asylum here."

What the…it never occurred to me this Asakura could be from another dimension. Dimension compromised, huh? I'm guessing that's Nagato's way of saying it's become too chaotic for safe habitation. And she's human? I wonder what her world was like before it got invaded.

I'm still a bit on edge, though. Just because she's a different Asakura doesn't mean she's not dangerous. For all I know, this one could be a psycho in disguise. Then again, what's to say this Asakura is actually dangerous? For all I know, she could be perfectly sane, genuinely kind and a regular human like me. Well, a regular human like I was.

* * *

Haruhi's 'interrogation' concluded with her satisfaction at the explanation and Ryoko Asakura being welcomed into the SOS Brigade as the sixth member. Following that, everyone returned to class (which essentially meant Haruhi, Asakura and I went to our class while Nagato remained in the club room).

After classes were finished, I prepared to follow Haruhi to the club room when a hand on my shoulder stopped me. Turning my head, I found the hand to belong to, you guessed it, Asakura. Obviously she has quite a few things to discuss with me.

Or she just wants to kill me.

"Can I help you, Asakura-san?" I politely ask.

"I need to have a word with you quickly, Kyon-kun," she answers. "Let's head up to the rooftop." As long as you don't have us talk directly next to the ledge, I'm fine. I'm keeping you in my line of sight the whole time.

Upon reaching the rooftop, it is unsurprisingly devoid of people. I beckon her out first-I'm not going too far from the door. Once we're satisfied with our positioning, she turns to me and begins to speak.

"I understand my counterpart in this dimension tried to kill you," she begins, sorrowfully. "I'm sorry it came to that. But be assured I have no intention to kill you. You helped me out a lot in my original dimension, so I intend to return the favour."

"I…appreciate you apologising for what another version of yourself did," I answer, a bit awkwardly. It's kind of weird to hear someone apologise for something they did but at the same time didn't. "But I would like to know, which dimension are you from? What happened there? Why are you here?"

"Don't worry, I intend to answer all those questions," she replies. "This world's Nagato-san filled me in on the details. My dimension is not too dissimilar to yours, with the exception that you were a slider from the very start and I was the only regular human in the SOS Brigade." There are more slider versions of me? Well, this is the only one I know about, and I haven't heard what went down in her universe, so it's possible I'm the only remaining slider Kyon.

Asakura-san continued. "The two of us were the primary regulators of Haruhi Suzumiya's mood. Through our joint rationale, we were able to prevent her from creating catastrophic closed spaces, like the one that nearly destroyed your world. Something like that happened in mine, except she got jealous of you and me instead of you and Asahina. Nothing too major, just an implication she gathered. But events still played out as they did here: you were the only one caught in the closed space with her and prevented the reincarnation of the universe through the same actions." So I kissed her then as well…ok, that answers a few things.

"So what happened to bring you here?" I ask.

She sighs. "After the 'disappearance' incident, where Nagato put you into an alternate world where you could be normal, the interdimensional barriers surrounding our dimension became weakened. Strange things started happening…new animals we'd never seen before were being discovered left and right, mysterious explosions and disasters began happening worldwide and hostile beings attempted to invade our world." Asakura looks down as she says this. It must be a pretty unhappy ending, given how lamenting she sounds.

"How bad did it get?" I continue to question. She tenses up a bit, as if she's remembering.

"On the outside, things look normal," she replies. "Secretly, though, the world is plagued by closed spaces where the hostile beings have made their battlegrounds. Their actions are destabilising our world's existence. It's a nightmare. The more they battle, the more the closed spaces expand and the weaker the interdimensional barrier will get. If we don't do something, they'll break out of these isolated battlefields and attack the real world!"

Holy shit…my responsibility feels a lot heavier now. I've got to stop this sort of thing happening to my world. "What can I do to stop it? Are the others safe?"

She sighs. I'm not going to like this answer, am I?

"We scattered. The Suzumiya of our world became consumed with unveiling the truth behind all the strange occurrences. She figured out how to access closed spaces and disappeared into one. We didn't know what happened to her…we still don't know where she is." She looks down, solemn for a moment before returning her gaze to me. "The Kyon I knew, Koizumi, Nagato and even Asahina did their best to try and find her, but all they could find were traces of her. With the situation debilitating further, Kyon proposed a risky plan: scattering us throughout interdimensional space in an effort to either find Haruhi or a way to stop this madness. He sent us all off to relatively stable worlds to use as a refuge, warn the local versions of ourselves of the threat and hopefully find a solution. Kyon…he went after Haruhi, tracking the signature she left behind."

All this interdimensional bullshit is really getting complicated. Plus, Asakura's story raises several important questions. "How will Haruhi's absence affect your world?"

"I don't know," she shrugs. "We hypothesised that without her presence, the destruction of our world would only accelerate without her influence to inhibit it, however slightly."

"What about the others? Have you heard anything from them?"

She shook her head. "Not since we separated. Kyon admitted he had no idea if we could even find our way back. He even suggested by the time he found Haruhi-IF he did-it could be too late. Our world would be gone and we'd be refugees. But if he could find her, he said he'd track us all down and try to formulate a plan, either to take back our world, or should it be destroyed, defending the other worlds from the same fate."

I frowned. It was obvious I couldn't let the same thing come to pass here. Hell, I needed to make sure it wouldn't happen anywhere else. Such were my responsibilities as a slider. I'm still not sure whether I love it or hate it, but regardless, this is the duty I've been entrusted with.

"Don't worry, Asakura," I speak with determination. "We'll discuss this threat with the others once club activities are over. It's too dangerous for us to just ignore, and there's no telling if and when it will strike here. Better to formulate a plan now than be caught off guard later."

Asakura's expression and posture noticeably relaxed at my declaration, clearly relieved that there might still be a way to stop this menace. "Thank you, Kyon," she replied, with a warm smile. "I may not be able to do much, but I'll help you out however I can!"

Seems her smile was contagious, as I found myself mirroring it after her response. Taking a quick glance at my watch, I realised we'd better get moving soon, before Haruhi starts asking questions. Turning, I beckoned her to follow. "Let's go, Asakura. Mustn't keep Haruhi waiting."

"Yeah," she giggled. "Don't need a repeat of how she nearly remade the world in my dimension. Oh, and Kyon?"

"Yeah?"

Asakura smiled so brightly, it was nearly blinding. "Call me Ryoko."

* * *

As I expected, Haruhi did question us intensely what took so long to get to club. She seemed particularly interrogative of Ryoko, scrutinising the poor girl between demanding a reason for my lateness. Eventually, though, we were able to calm her down, especially after Ryoko had a 'girl talk' with Haruhi that seemed to satisfy her. Of course, in true Haruhi fashion, she laid down a penalty on, you guessed it, me.

"Now that this issue's been sorted, there are a few important things I'd like to announce!" Haruhi stood at the head of the table to draw our attention. "First of all, I'd like to welcome our newest member, recently returned from Canada, Ryoko Asakura!" She gestured dramatically to the girl in question. Everyone applauded, even though I'm certain Mikuru and Koizumi already knew of her arrival.

"Secondly," she continued. "It is with great pride that I announce…" Haruhi took a moment to gather her composure. A slight blush invaded her face. Why does it have to look so foreboding? Blushing girls are supposed to be cute. "Kyon and I have recently begun forging a strong bond between us, ensuring greater co-operation and understanding." There was more applause, no doubt fabricated as pretty much everyone here already knew about the 'date' I had with Haruhi. Even Ryoko I imagined knew in some way what was going on between us. Also, forging a strong bond? Couldn't you just say we went on a date? Your logic baffles me sometimes, Haruhi.

"Finally, I've decided on the SOS Brigades next big project!" She says this while triumphantly pointing her finger in the air. It's hard to stifle my laughter, but I manage to do so, without even the usually perceptive Haruhi noticing. I don't know why, I guess it just amuses me that this sort of behaviour is just so…her. A good throwback from all the odd new behaviour she's exhibited on account of me.

So, here we all are, awaiting our Brigade Leader's grand announcement as to what this mystery project is. All with baited breath, all eyes trained on her. And what does she do?

She sits down at the computer and doesn't say another word.

…who the hell announces a big plan and doesn't even tell anyone about the details? She doesn't even look like she had something to say now; all Haruhi's doing is browsing the internet (from what I can tell, anyway). Is this some kind of test? Does she want one of us to ask her what the plan is? Just that acknowledgement of curiosity, interest even?

I turn back to my fellow members. They're all looking expectantly at me now. What are you trying to…wait. You want me to ask her, don't you? Where the hell did your initiative go, guys? You can't just rely on me to handle every single issue involving Haruhi. Take some responsibility! Take one for the team!

Well, I guess Nagato-san's taken plenty already…like when she saved me from our world's psycho-Ryoko. And Mikuru has put up with Haruhi's mishandling of her. Then there's Koizumi, who goes fighting blue giants every time Haruhi gets ticked off. It would be unfair of me to expect Ryoko to do anything, since she pretty much just got here.

Fine, I'll do it. I'll ask the question.

"So…are you going to tell us what this plan is, Haruhi?" I ask. It occurs to me my questioning time might be a little late since the rest of us spent a good thirty seconds silently speaking through stares and glances. Ah well, it's still relevant-we're all wondering the same thing.

"Ah, yes! The plan," Haruhi perks up. She minimises or closes whatever she's looking at and stands up again. "We're going to build a robot!"

We process this information silently for a few seconds. Then I ask: "How big?"

"Not too big," she answers. "Got to start small, right? Then we can gradually increase the scale of our subsequent robots from there. Besides, the larger robots will require access to industrial tech and foundries, which we don't have the access to…yet." She speaks the last word with a sly smile. You're not thinking of hijacking a factory, are you Haruhi?

But I'll get to the questions regarding robot construction later. I have a more immediate question first. "And you didn't tell us this until we asked because…?"

"You didn't ask," she replies bluntly. I facepalm.


End file.
